Depression Forums
General => Welcome our 'NEW MEMBERS'!! => Topic started by: Matthew on June 20, 2011, 08:56:28 AM
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Hi all, my name is Matthew I'm 32 years old. It's been five years now since I had what the dr called a break down! I'm now on daily medication, add to that a load of denial and the handful of ways I've learnt how to calm/control myself and I'm alive living a sort of normal 2.4 family life. I can normally deal with depression but every now and then it kicks me in the face and reminds me I'm not in control of anything. I don't talk about it. this being the most I've told anyone, wife included! Thought I would try seeking, not help but friendship with people that may understand what it's like to live life like this. I'm alone in this head of mine! I've learnt to live with the loneliness. It's the memories I can't handle. I wish i could just switch off for a day and stop thinking, have a vacation away from my mind! If you haven't already guessed I'm having a bad day/week of it at the moment, trying to get control again. Thanks for reading and hello all.
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Morning Matthew and welcome :)
I personally think one of the most awful things about depression is the isolation that it makes you feel. It's like you are a prisoner inside your own head at times! No-one else can quite understand what you are thinking and its such hard work to try an explain all of the conflicting thoughts that are buzzing around, its easier to try and hide under the duvet and say nothing that try and vocalise them. You saying that you wish you could switch off for a day or two and stop thinking is SO familiar.... I feel sometimes that if I could just stop thinking, just for a little bit then I could just have room to think rationally and would be able to think more clearly for a while... Unfortunately our minds don't have an 'Off' button, a design flaw I think!
I hope you find some solace in the forums :)
Nay x
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Hi Matthew, for me this forum, really helps in that I am not the only one feeling this way. The demons in the head are quite terrifying. Last night I don't remember my dreams, but my husband says I was leaping through the bed like a 2 years old and moaning and sighing. Poor hubby was the one who got little sleep last night :D I am dreading having to go to the Physchiatrist next week, they push you and they make you more exhausted. Like you I still cannot believe that a person like me could have depression lol, like I should know!!! I do hope you keep posting as I think this forum is useful even for those who just lurk around and read. Take care