Depression Forums
General => Welcome our 'NEW MEMBERS'!! => Topic started by: Switch Flicker on March 04, 2011, 12:36:07 PM
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Hi,
I am and have been for going on for 7-8 years suffering from Depression and problems with anxiety. Sometimes I feel like i'm losing my mind and at any moment I could lose lucidity. I would say that my illness is the worse it has ever been now and im afraid I seem to be getting worse. All this of course, is exaserbated by a long drawn out breakup with a long term partner. I am supposed to be taking Citalopram but currently I am not but I have made the decision to start taking them tomorrow. I have hang -ups about taking medication unless they are in conjuction with some counselling or other person to person therapy. ( I am due to start some anytime soon)
I sometimes struggle with alcohol, I don't regard myself as an alcoholic but when i drink I can drink way too much and end up on stupid benders. The last time I drank was 2 weeks ago and I took it too far. Every time I drink like that my anxiety is nearly unbearable the next day so i am very adament that I will not put myself in that position.
I struggle with dealing with normal day to day things and I am constantly beating myself down, using emotions such as gult as weapons to beat myself down. I generally feel disappointed about my life which makes me feel selfish. I blame myself entirely for the position i'm in and i am at an all time low as far as my confidence is concerned. Even writing this now is giving me fear that i'm losing control even more of myself. I was once quite succesful, outgoing and self reliant but mow I have no job, very litlle prospects in life and I don't know how to dig myself out of this hole I am in.
I have been advised so many times to have a more compassionate mind and be kinder to myself but I don't know how to change my thought pattern at all.
Anyway thats me and I really didn't enjoy writing this at all.
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Hi Switch Flicker, welcome to the forum, thought I was reading my own story there ::) so your not alone. In fact all the members will know exactly how your feeling. The >:D drink, in the short term gives you the wee confidence boost, makes you feel good for a short time, but the next day gives you more of a downer. This doesn't stop me though (Know I should).
It is good you are going to get therapy, and with the aid of the meds this should help you on your way. Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves, strive for perfection, and this trait seems to rear its head more when we are ill. I suppose as they say its getting the balance right, difficult when you think it is ok when its really not.
Keep posting and let us know how you get on, this forum is about us trying to help each other out. Take care
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Hey, i too can understand your feelings as i can feel the same. Like it has been said, keep seeing your doctor in order to work out something that begins to help. I think meds are important to helping you recover.
Will
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Hello!
I also recognise your post. And for me I am also the worst I have been. (just started back on meds too) But you are doing the right thing and you can aways come here to talk. I am lucky to have some friends I can be completely open with. Do you have that support or someone to confide in?
I never knew how to explain my reationship with alcohol, but its exactly the same as you. You arent alone! :-)
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Hi Switch Flicker !"£
Sorry you're in a bad place at the moment. I agree that drugs are only part of the solution, but they do help to settle you a bit so you can work on the underlying issues. Good luck with the therapy.
It is very hard to be kind to yourself when you're feeling so bad. Try to start really small. Give yourself a little pat on the back for doing something well, even if it's only some menial little chore like the washing up. You may feel like a total faker, but do it anyway, what have you got to lose? And try to do something nice for yourself every day, like have a nice bath or go for a little walk, and allow yourself to enjoy it. And keep practising! Some days it will be fairly easy, other days impossible. Don't beat yourself up on the bad days, just try to accept them as part of the process. Try to remember the good days and keep your focus on them.
All the best, bel