Depression Forums
General => I need to vent! => Topic started by: lostmyway on March 28, 2016, 12:18:00 PM
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Hello all
It seems that every day I have to endure the same things all the time. My mother is constantly repeating herself, her memory is terrible. Im so tired of having to remind her to do things all of the time, that I can barely remember myself. She takes procrastination and stating the obvious to a whole new level.
The carpet in the house needs replacing, and shes always going on about it. She unplugs the set top box to the TV all of the time, despite the fact i have told her countless times that its not necessary.
She tells me the same things all of the time, who's called, what happened 40+ years ago. I'm at my wits end. Nothing ever changes for the better, and I don't know what to do. I cannot open the garage door, its one of those Henderson up-and-over types and really needs fixing . It makes financial sense to stay here, but my emotional/mental state is totally shot.
There are books on an old coffee table that she never reads and says she needs to get rid of them , but they have been there for months and she's done nothing about it. These are just a few examples unfortunately. On top of all this I've had to go back on Escitalopram as i cannot cope any more, and if it gets any worse i may harm myself. I haven't worked for 3 years, I see nobody. I have nobody to confide in........As you can see it just goes on and on...
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Have you thought about getting your mother into sheltered accomodation or a residential home for the elderly?
I know that sounds drastic but it may help you.
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What you are describing sounds regrettably like early Dementia. Before thinking of Elderly Persons Homes and the like, you need a diagnosis. I would make an appointment to see your GP who can refer your mum to a specialist. I looked after my dad for four and a half years and gradually worsening Dementia.
I won't go into details, they would only depress you. But what you are describing is very very early Dementia, if that is
what it is. She could have a urinary tract infection. When my dad got one he disappeared into a world where I couldn't follow.
I hope things improve for you but your mother needs a proper assessment.
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Steve has a point that an appointment with the GP is a good idea. However if / when you have done that you do need to sit down and decide what's best for both of you not just what's best for your mum.
There are plenty of people in this world who look after their parents till they die and I do respect them. My Grandma started suffering with dementia in her 80's and my Dad got this confirmed by her GP. I wanted her to come and live with us as I was quite happy to look after her. My Mum was too ill to look after my Grandma due to chronic asthma, my Dad was still working (shifts) and he didn't think it was fair for me to look after and potentially give up my job. It upset me at the time but my Dad insisted it wouldn't be fair on me. With my Nanna my mum and her brothers made the decision to put her into a residential home which she was fine about as she knew she was getting frail. She also had early stage of dementia and didn't want to be a burden on anybody. Personally I would have been quite happy to look after my Nanna but I wasn't given the choice to do that either. I don't know if I could have coped or not.
The point is whether your mum is just getting forgetful to to old or suffering with the early stage of dementia you are the person who is going to be her carer. You may choose to keep living with her or you may choose to get her in a residential home. Nobody can make that choice for you.
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Fair enough. I'm sure it will get to that point eventually, however..
My dad had vascular dementia for a number of years and ended up in a nursing home (and eventually passed away in there). It was very traumatic and upsetting for him and the rest of the family. So naturally i dont want to go thru that again anytime soon !!!!!!!
Its ok to suggest an assessment, but my mothers VERY stubborn and would be greatly irritated if I suggested such a thing. Probably think im trying to get rid of her or something silly like that.
So i know all that entails putting your own parent in a nursing home. very upsetting.