Depression Forums
Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: Hixy on March 08, 2015, 04:58:03 PM
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Hello everybody my name is mick. I am 46.I have just today split up with my girlfriend because of my depression. I am a very quite man nowadays. I like to stay in watch movies and listen to music. My girlfriend is as she calls herself happy go lucky bubbley..I can't talk to her about my depression because she kicks off. She is very fiery and volatile. I can see it coming and Normally leave before it starts. Anyway a couple of weeks ago I was doing something in the house and went into the bedroom where she was reading. I said to her I'm happy with my dull quite life. She got out of bed went into the living room. 20 minutes later she came into the bedroom and started. I begged her not to start because I really can't stand her shouting and screaming at me but she wouldn't. In doing this she knows what's coming but doesn't stop. After 20 minutes of her shouting and screaming at me I self harmed you see if I get in a situation I can't handle I self harm. I sat in the corner of the room with blood streaming down my face. Yet even in that situation she still carried on. She took the keys out the door so I couldn't leave. This type of thing has happened about a dozen times in 12 months. Today as I've been sleeping in my car I sent her 3 links for her to read so maybe she can try understand. She deleted them straight away and said my depression is made up. I love this women very much but wish she would see that if she didn't shout and kick off I'd maybe have a chance to get better. I joined this forum for help. I have a feeling I know what the replies will say
Kind regards mick
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Hi Mick,
I'm sorry nobody has responded to you, I've had a hectic few weeks which has included a weekend Christian conference called Influence.
My husband was like you at 24 years old wanting to have a quiet life whereas I liked going to night clubs and so on. Even after 21 years of marriage we joke that we are like chalk and cheese. Our interests / hobbies are different but do overlap these days although we both like animals, places of interest and history. Your (ex) girlfriend could have made more of an effort in your relationship and should have made more of an effort to understand depression. I covered up my depression for many years, my sister only found out since our mum died (2011) that I suffer with depression, have been suicidal over the years and self harmed. I told her in a letter ~ we don't live close together ~ but she has never responded to this. I tried telling my parents years ago but I may as well told them that I had flu. My mum believed I was just moody and a drama queen over the years and regularly told me to pull myself together. My dad knows I am suffering with severe depression now and I am contemplating on whether to tell him all the gory details. However the point is loved ones should try to understand what depression is.
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sorry to hear that Mick, hang on in there.
Depression puts a huge pressure on relationships. Whenever I'm with someone and I feel blue, I begin to feel unworthy of that person and shut down. Relationships can magnify my own self-loathing and I begin to feel like I need to set that person free. I'm not sure where you live Mick but I think it's worth joining a local Meet Up group which deals with depression. That way you can begin to open up to others about it and feel supported. Two of my best buddies are also depressives and it's makes a huge difference to one's life having someone on your team, someone to call when the room is spinning or when you feel so desolate that you feel like someone's punched you in the stomach. Sometimes it's good just to share a good laugh about it.
I'm sad that I haven't managed to have a committed relationship but I'm grateful that I have many good good friends in this life.
I wish you all the best