Depression Forums
General => I need to vent! => Topic started by: lostmyway on August 19, 2013, 09:07:13 PM
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hi everyone
I've noticed for quite sometime now that I have seemingly lost interest going out to places and prefer to stay at home. I am currently jobless , that aside I often wonder is it really natural for somebody of my age not to want to go out? I don't have a lot of friends to hang out with, agreed but i still find it a little strange that this is the case.
I am guessing that the anxiety etc I feel has something to do with it , but i am not sure. Perhaps I'm just not that sociable and it is 'the way I am'. I don't know but sometimes it concerns me that i would rather let life pass me by as it were instead of doing something constructive with my time like everybody else. It makes me nervous if i have to go out anywhere, odd. Thoughts?
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do you know what it is that makes you nervous about going outside? or just that thought alone?
ive been severely agoraphobic before and will help you understand what your going through If I can.
My brother is a homebody, when he did have friends and he wasn't ill all they would do is sit in and play computer.... some people are that way and to them its normal... whats normal for one person may not be normal to the next. who's to say whats normal anyway?
I used to go out with friends all the time before I became ill but now those things don't interest me like clubbing and getting smashed but I do enjoy a drink everynow and then. I don't socialise as much now either because a lot of my circle of pals (cant exactly call them friends) are stoners which im trying not to be right now.
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Hi Craig
I think its when i have to go somewhere and drive there esp. if i don't know the area well. I get a bit panicky and feel lost rather, and it can stress me out. like driving to the airport for example. When i was in my teens and 20s i didn't really go out all of the time, partly because i didn't have the money to actually do it and secondly i didn't have a great deal of money to throw around.
I am a bit of a PC nerd type, playing games on a commodore 64, spectrum, Amiga, Atari jaguar, SNES, playstation , you name it. I did go to the cinema when ever the opportunity came around every now and again. I learnt the guitar and still play it as a hobby. Whereas my elder brother is out all the time , going to friends, going the pub watching his local football team, always always socialising . Basically the exact opposite of what i am personality-wise . He never understood that id rather stay in and play Crysis 2 or whatever instead of going to a football stadium, the pub and so on. Consequently he never understood my dark, depressed persona, the reasons why and so on.
I honestly don't think my dad did either. I really think families suck in times like that.
I don't think many others did except the ones who had gone through it themselves. In my younger years i always thought it was my chronic shyness and social anxiety as a result.. I would of hoped that i would of gotten over that by now. But i am who i am, and that's it , like it or not, and I seriously doubt it will change. Perhaps i just 'think' too much for my own good, who can say?
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wow. you sound so much like my brother and I sound so much like yours its unreal.
although these days im more of a homebody but no longer have consoles as I sold them to get my dog some vet treatment when ill. would love the XBOX ONE when it comes out it looks immense!!!:D
I think that's the same for a lot of people when they visit a new place, when I was working nationally I would have to work in certain areas for a week or two or three and was always nervous going to a new place, id always be an hour or two early to make sure I found it.
even more so the nerves got to me on trains and busses because I don't do too well when there are a lot of people around I become a bit anxious.
My brother is exactly the same now except all he plays is pc games he swears by them... his a bit gutted thought because he needs a new graphics card but cant afford it. I bought grid two the other week and couldn't bloody play it... no refunds either.
maybe you do think too much, I know I do... its just who I am and how I deal with things. I like to prepare for every eventuality to protect myself in case certain things happen.
these days I am not agoraphobic but when I was I couldn't even leave my room to goto the toilet I did it in bottles. im not ashamed of that though it was part of being agoraphobic... anyone who says eeeeerrr your nasty can jog on cos they just don't understand and its THOSE people that need to learn to be more understanding.
my brother also bought an electric guitar and taught himself how to play but not a whole tune...
im no expert lostmyway but I understand where your coming from... I think the difference between you and my brother is that he isn't really interested in the whole socialising side of life. he likes being a gamer and a chronic movie buff!
I don't think theres anything wrong with that its just how you enjoy spending your time mate... I have to go hospital with my stepdad again ill be back to reply later...
take care mate
Craig
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hi craig
Well it seems another day has almost passed and yet again lol i haven't gone out. It seems i have lost the urgency and the motivation.
I remember one time i was on skype and my brother messaged me about it being sunny outside etc in a sarcastic tone. I was like whatever.
If i had somewhere to go then maybe. He is not here most of the time.
Thing was i knew he was going to be smart before i answered it, kinda predictable. Another daily jobhunt bunch o'nothing. now that is getting predictable.
I don't seem to be able to get myself going right now, is just a cycle.
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When my son was living with us we eventually found out he was using bottles instead of going to the bathroom. I have my suspicions that he may have suffered with agoraphobia as well as depression but he was in denial over how badly depressed he was. I was more upset that I couldn't do anything to help him with how he was feeling. You would have thought as he knew (knows) I suffer with depression that it would have made it easier for him to talk to me but it seemed to make it harder for him.
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i think for some people pip its a matter of pride and no matter how bad they are they would never admit defeat. i know that's the case with my brother right now, he satisfies pretty much all of the symptoms of severe depression but is still adamant he is not depressed, my brothers a bit of a know it all too and is soo believing of himself that even when his wrong he is right. so annoying.
lostmyway it doesn't help when you have someone rubbing it in all the time, if your bro is like that a lot then be grateful he is out a lot and out of your hair its really not helpul being sarcastic at time like these. have you thought of taking any job just to get back in work that in the mean time although it may not be great money would be better than jsa and in the meantime look for something better, i know its not ideal but agency's can get you some work if you keep on their case.
if you feel up to it just try taking a walk through your local park, if that seems too daunting try just going to your local shop or round your block you don't have to go far but it would help just getting some air and being outside, i know it can be difficult but i got over my agoraphobia by taking small steps, just going downstairs and eating dinner with people rather than on my own was a challenge at first but you will get there if you broaden your comfort zone little by little.
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hi craig
it is true that certain people can be less than supportive and just a pain in the neck. he lives abroad so he isnt here. Youre right saying i need to go out to the town centre etc just to leave the house. It becomes a habit that you cannot break. I personally dont deny i have problems , its obvious to me that i have, but these idiosyncrasies i have carried around with me for years and is really nothing new.
Agencies annoy me as there is no contract of employment, just a verbal agreement that they can break anytime they please, and when that occurs i have to sign on again and go through all of that bs. It can be a stopgap for something better sometimes but is the uncertainty of it all that truly gets me more than anything else.
For example i am 42 and still live at home, i have never been blessed with a lot of money and for years it just wasnt feasible for me to do it. Some I guess expected me to be out a long time ago but it is not their decision whether i leave or not. Some things are hard to let go esp. if it has gone on for years. I hope it changes oneday.
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Also, I have noticed that i am getting more aches and pains, aching stomach, bad shoulder and so on i guess that is probably due to inactivity more than anything else i don't know.
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it could be due to inactivity, with your shoulder anyway im not sure the stomach ache would be from not doing much but im no doctor. Ive done first aid but that's about it. that's another reason you should try and broaden your comfort zone if you find your suffering physically. I remember I used to spend so much time lying on my side watching tv I had shoulder problems too. it could be that but no two people are the same it could be an agitation to an old injury you might have, either way id go to see your gpp about your stomach, I know there's a bug going around at the moment.
I understand your concerns with agency, that's my exact problem with them apart from the agencies being paid say £15 an hour for me and only paying me £7.50 ... its extortionate I feel like a slave, however my finances are almost so bad I will have no choice soo but to take an agency job to keep debtors off my back. I could goto citizens advice and get a pound a month repayment plans but im yet to do that.
what field are you most experienced in ? have you written speculative letters to companies who aren't hiring?
im poorer than poor.... class myself as homeless as I bounce between my mums and brothers and although my dad is fairly comfortable he doesn't help me. he has in the past but that has stopped now because he doesn't trust me. because of my honesty in the past telling him ii was a drug user he has labelled me and thinks i'll spend money on drugs .... I understand that and don't really hold it against him... its just a shame he has written me off.
I hope you manage to try and change your routine just a little bit today.
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hi craig
I am mostly experienced in warehousing and logistics/ distribution. I worked in the despatch department in my last job, which normally pay between nmw and 7-8 quid an hour depending on experience, night shift and so on. I have IT training under my belt (nvq levels 2 and 3, CompTIA certs), i have yet to use them costructively as a job because as always they want 'experience' which roughly means they want someone to slot into the role without any additional training and cost to their company.
Which is handy (not). Agencies around here pay about 6-20 - 7 an hour in that field , which needless to say is crap. I look on universal jobmatch and indeed mainly but i have my cv on various other jobsites as well. i do it for about 1-1.5 hours and thats it , i have had enough by then. I guess it was my main concern when i left my last job whether i would be able to get another job quickly and easily. I think I know the answer to that now.
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oh yeah sorry lostmyway you did tell me that before excuse my memory, could be compared to that of a fish tbh lol
what company was it if you don't mind me asking ? I've worked for a lot tbh, recall total information management, DHL, Tesco's distribution, Allport shipping, Ranson food distribution, been supervisor of stock areas for some retailers too maybe that's another field you could go into with your experience, stock control?
jobisjob.co.uk is another site I find useful. also with the agency side of things the more your signed up with the more chance you have of consistent work, you may only be at places for a few weeks and get called during your shift with another few weeks work with a different agency, I know its a massive pain but there options... definitely better than the money we get on jsa!
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hi craig
the company was called 2020 mobile. We dealt with phones4u and others. Was part of the caudwell group.
I have signed up with a few sites now , no real definite leads though. I'll check out that jobisjob site and see what there is, thanks.
jsa is just a waste of time if you ask me. my job was mostly order picking and QA (mainly qa). didnt get home until 1030 every night.. miss that (not)
The coalition need to pull their fingers out to help ppl more. Ridiculous
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if your anywhere near lakeside in Essex I know ikea and Costco care advertising online ive just applied to ikea myself... its just a massive warehouse really.
I completely agree and am maddened by the whole the rich get richer the poor get poorer way that things seem to work. its terrible!
hope something comes up soon lotmyway, sometimes it depends on your advisor at the JC mine is quite helpful!
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hi craig
My job centre adviser is fairly supportive although the help has never been anything brilliant. Unfortunately i don't live anywhere near Lakeside in essex, i live in the northwest (southcheshire). They try to help you to an extent and that's it.
Warehousing is something i know a fair bit about (feet have recovered since leaving, as they used to ache and be sore all the time due to safety boots.)
Four months has dragged really since i left my last job. Boring!!
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That's the only problem with agency work that it's not good money and you can't rely on how long you will have a 'contract'.
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hi pip
Yeah exactly the thing is temporary and unpredictable and lowpaid, and sometimes you really have to travel a fair distance outside of your hometown. I'm really not a fan of Agencies, sure they work for some but not all. they are just a stop gap, stopping off place etc
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Well i finally went out this week, for a few hours up the towncentre for stationery for the OU course that i am sposed to be doing in October. At least it got me out of the house if anything else. Not much else to report right now. I need to go out more it should hopefully help a bit with how i feel about everything right now.
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biggest trick when your feeling depresses. .... when your up take advantage and do all the things you wouldn't normally !!!! test yourself and push yourself further!!! then tomorrow when you may feel twice as bad try matching what you did today!!!!
Good on you mate glad you pushed yourself today!!!
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it helps a bit to go out, no doubt, even if its just for a while. The weird thing is you know perfectly well you need to do something and go out, yet.. we don't.
It doesn't make any sense to any non-suffererer but it makes sense to us. when the brain is depressed a part of it is actually sick (the hippocampus) but you dont see that except in a MRI Scan at a local clinic. Is an invisible illness.
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it does help a bit at least I know that more than most as it did when I was severely agoraphobic. saying that Im extremely happy you made it out today, its progress. do more next week than you did this week and your still moving in the right direction ! keep it up Lostmyway """
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i think losing my job triggered it to an extent, situational. That said I didn't really love my job anyway lol
I guess it doesn't really matter all that much where I go or whatever as long as i actually get out of the house for a cpl of hours or so
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If we didn't have our dogs I think it would be easy for me to fall into that trap of not going out. The crazy thing is when I broke my ankle at the end of January 2012 it drove me crazy being stuck in so much. I struggled with short distances on crutches due to the arthritis in my hands so had to rely on being pushed everywhere.
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Well i went out yesterday, but didn't manage it today. Left shoulder was hurting and the side of my left-knee. The usual combo of pc and tv to occupy my time (boring).
Unreal how boring life can be sometimes when u have no job to occupy your time. I first realised this big time in the late 80s and early-mid 90s, it wasn't a great deal of fun.
Also the social aspect is also rather limiting....
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sorry ive not replied, how have you been is your shoulder and knee ok now?
yeah I know that feeling too, when im bored lately I write in my journal talking to myself, first sign of madness but im well beyond that lol
Hope your well!
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OK, went out last night for a few hours. a friend of my brothers having a 50th birthday. Gets to sunday, and nothing to do again. Same old routine.
Back on Monday to try and apply for as many jobs as possible. Unfortunately most of these are temporary, part-time and a lot are not around where i live.
Tired of going around in circles all of the time, not knowing what to do next. I have reached a roundabout i cant get off. I'm 42 yet they expect me to apply for a job that pays less than £7 an hour in this day and age? Are they for real? Not really sure what to do with my time. I heard a rumour that i am going to be expected in the future to look for a job for 37 hours a week. How are people expected to do that exactly? Not really sure. For a start there has to be something worthwhile to apply for, not to state the obvious !!
Around and around we go.....
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glad you went out and had a change of scenery... ive recently notice how much my living arrangements and environment here affect my mood, its counterproductive being between my mums and brothers at 28...
I need to sort my depression out before I take work though... if im low I just don't see the point in getting up for low wage. I want to takle this depression and learn to cope with it and pull myself out when low before I look for a career again... I don't really have trouble getting jons, ive even been hired by companies who aren't hiring cos I just walked in and spoke to one of the managers of a warehouse, made me team leader pretty soon after but a relationship ended and I fell flat on my face with depression.
iv been going round in circles my whole life and although im only 28 ive had too many lows, too many suicide attempts not to want to concentrate on my mind and how to deal with it.
with the jobcentre thing, I do look but nowhere near as much as they expect me too, I satisfy the criteria and do the same next time. whats the point of me getting a job if I cant sustain it!!!???
Hope you enjoyed the party anyway sometimes things happen like that, spur of the moment.
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They say familiarity breeds contempt, and overfamiliar surrounding sure do that at times, and lowmoods and so on. yeah the ironic thing is you have to be on a confident high before you take a job, and if its been to the contrary for a number of weeks and so on, that's a hard transition. Maybe we need to put on a face to say different at the time.
My last relationship ended 2007 for various reasons. It had just ran its course. Same here that it affected how i felt, thought and so on , went through that myself.
We all want to think that the positives always outweigh the negatives but its not always the case is it? Certain other factors have to be thought about before you can move out, live on your own, and so on. It's never a simple thing to work out. Perhaps fear and self-confidence were factors, money too of course. It's tough changing your whole life lol Sustaining a job is deffo a concern, I hear that one Craig.
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Money is an issue when it comes to working even with the minimum wage along with age. I remember years ago when I was working for the Foreign and Commonwealth Office but wanted a job closer to where I lived and I didn't want to move into London to be closer to that job. Every job interview I went to I was told things like I was too experienced, too old (I was 28), that they couldn't offer me as much money which I knew and I pointed out that I wouldn't have to spend so much on travelling and so on.
Since those days and post getting married I have done a few different jobs. These days I do voluntary jobs purely because I enjoy doing that and I can do as much and as little as I want.
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hi pip
Voluntary for me i don't think is really an option. I need a cpl of good quality references, even for that and agency. I really want an IT job but its like pulling teeth.
This modern jobmarket wears me out with all its demands and stipulations, it gets a bit silly. Not everyone has a Bsc in computing. Onwards i go...
London is just too expensive. The average house is around 300k. Its a hard situation. I would travel IF it was worth it.