Depression Forums

Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: Cazkitten on September 15, 2010, 06:56:56 PM

Title: Devastated
Post by: Cazkitten on September 15, 2010, 06:56:56 PM
I lost my job.

I did something stupid, a disciplinary offence. I had a disciplinary meeting and heard yesterday that I am dismissed.

I don't mind admitting I felt (and said) I was going to do something very stupid. I am more embarrassed that I ended up unable to speak, curled up on the floor of the meeting room. I wasn't being dramatic, I physically couldn't have done anything else.

I had explained about the depression as mitigating circumstances, but they obviously didn't listen.

I've spent most of today in my PJs, watching crappy TV and crying. I did have voluntary work to go to, and a 2nd part-time job, and when there I actually felt OK. I think it helps to make myself do things.

My (now ex) manager told me after receiving the news yesterday that she also has depression. I just wish she had been allowed to make the decision.

I don't think I'm sliding back into depression perse. I'm absolutely devastated, but that's sort of normal when people lose their jobs. I'd be more worried if I didn't feel anything, you know? But it hurts.

but I've been realising I had stupidly been smugly thinking because I am on antidepressants and have done some work (counselling etc) I was 90% recovered from the damn black fog, but it's not going away.

The part-time job isn't enough to live on, and I don't know what to do.  I feel like I'll never get another good job; I turn 30 tomorrow, I feel like such a failure as I never made anything of myself and now I won't ever have a decent career.