Depression Forums
General => Welcome our 'NEW MEMBERS'!! => Topic started by: petop86 on April 23, 2013, 08:02:26 PM
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Hi my name is Terry and I am really suffering at the moment I'm 26 and I've been battling with my mind since I have been 15 and I don't know what's wrong with me and I have never spoke to anyone about any of this and I was hoping for some help and advice about my problems. I would like to start off by saying I don't feel depressed all the time some days I feel okay but the last 2 months or so I have become almost a recluse and its like I battle against my own mind all the time and its like my brain is 100 mph 24 hours a day and I can't concentrate on the most basic things like I struggle to hold down conversation sometimes because my mind goes on overdrive. The strange thing is I'm not depressed about any individual issues in particular. I lost my job recently due to just breaking down inside a customer's house I just started crying and I knew then I needed help I have tried to take my life once when I was in the army at 18 I took an overdose and I never had the courage to seek help from any doctors. I have thought about taking my life on a number of occasions but I have always had this dream of overcoming whatever is wrong with me and helping people out with the same problems however at the moment I haven't got a clue what's wrong with me and I'm scared if I go to the doctors I'm gonna get drugged up and loose my personality. If anyone could shed any light on what they think I'm suffering with from there experiences I would be really thankful and it feels good to speak about my problems thanks once again Terry.
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sign0016
I've suffered with depression since my early teens but I wasn't diagnosed 'officially' until 2005. Despite things going on with mt life generally I didn't have any reason to be depressed about so in a sense I was in denial until I hit rock bottom. Even then I wasn't thinking I was depressed until I spoke to my doctor and it was as if a weight lifting.
You do need to speak to your doctor to get the right diagnosis though. It will help to talk about how you're feeling apart from anything else.
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Hi Pip thank for your reply I just don't know what to do because I can't talk to my parents very easily and I don't really like talking about my problems face to face hence I don't wont to go the doctors I just don't know why I can't overcome it the only way I ever feel better is if I exercise but I only feel better for about 30 minutes. I have even thought about buying online antidepressants just so I don't have to tell anyone I'm just confused my brain feels like jelly :bash:
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Hi and welcome, how you are feeling is normal for someone suffering from depression. You are not alone there are many more people than most people know that are suffering. There does not have to be a reason. Your Dr will understand. Is there one particular Dr at your practise that you would feel more comfortable with? Or if you feel unable to talk face to face maybe ask for a telephone consultation.
Buying medication over the internet is not as good idea, your Dr will prescribe the right medication for you, as there are many different ones.
S x x x x
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Hi shaz thanks for your reply it really means a lot I just hate myself for letting this get the better of me I had a good job good money and I have let this get the better of me and now I have nothing I have no job I have shut my friends out and its all my fault. If I go to the doctor and pour my heart out I just know he won't listen he will be just yeah take these and rush me out the door. :(
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It has not got the better of you, its an illness. Many of us feel this way, I know I did, but I had to get help, with the aid of medication, I could get my life back. Medication is not everything but it helps us to get ourselves better. I would be very surprised if your Dr did not understand. As I have said, depression is really very common, it is not something that people talk about, and there is nothing physical to see.
Please at least think about going to speak to your Dr.
S x x x x
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Hi Terry. Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to break it to you, but I don't think that anyone here can fight this damned illness alone. It's always difficult to find someone that you feel comfortable enough with to air your problems to, but it's important. YOU are important. Your exercise regime helps. Exercise releases endorphins into the system - a natural pain and stress reliever, so that's always a good idea. If you read the posts here, you will find that, although we share many experiences, there isn't any one single factor that hits us all the same way. Please don't feel so bad about your situation. It's like any other illness you need help to fight and overcome. Best wishes.
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Thanks to everyone for all your kind messages it means so much I will consider going to the doctors however I don't think I'm ready yet to accept help I know it sounds stupid but I don't feel ready yet to let anyone in. I know this might sound like a stupid question but did you all know deep inside when it was the right time for you to seek help and allow people in.
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How you're feeling is quite normal for people who suffer with depression. There is that stigma which doesn't help. I agree with shaz that it's not a good idea to get pills from the internet. I have heard of some awful stories of people buying pills this way for all sorts of reasons which have caused illness and even death. Sorry, don't want to scare you but you're better off not taking anything unless it's prescribed. I know from experience that it's not easy to see a doctor over depression so when you get the courage your doctor will help.
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All the things you say about becoming reclusive, battling with your own mind and the lack of concentration are all certainly symptoms of depression. I used to be in fierce battle with my own mind for a long time when I was also reclusive. To a degree, you could say I am still reclusive. The depression zaps all our energy, the confidence and self-esteem. The last thing we want to do is meeting and dealing with other people
I can understand the reluctance to move forward for help. I think we all chose the time when we were feeling ready to approach a GP. The first time is always the worst. We are opening ourselves up and baring our souls, so it is only natural we fear what happens next.... a fear of the unknown, really.
One day, you will feel ready. However, what I will add is that your GP will be interested in your depression. It's not a big thing to him/her. All you need to say is "I'm depressed" and he/she will talk you through the rest. In many ways, the quicker you get treatment, the quicker you start to recover
I use medication, as do many others on the Forum. It doesn't change your personality. If you find the right antidepressant for you, it can improve the quality of your life. Whatever you do, do not buy antidepressants via the net. They need doctor supervision. PLUS, they are known to be fake.
Sorry, got a bit carried away there. I hope you find the Forum helpful
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I think I will carry on just battling it on my own for the time being I think your right about the online antidepressants I would just be guessing at stuff. I think some of the not seeking help comes from my time in the army its kind of drilled into me that asking for help is a weakness and that I should be able to solve anything even though deep down I know it's not a sign of weakness asking for help is a part of life.
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Hello again Terry. Just don't forget that this is a useful place to air your thoughts and ideas, without any fear of getting judged. The people here have been constantly supportive and friendly to me, and I'm sure that you will find the same. Best wishes. Michael. :bye:
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Hi thanks Michael I have been really thinking about everything people have said I have this tendency to analyse everything it's part of my problem and I am going to go to the doctors and hopefully take the first steps to recovery I am actually looking forward to finding out what has been causing me to do stuff so out of character I have been reading some of the different kinds of depression people suffer with and it makes me realise I'm not on my own. Thanks to everyone again because I'm in such a bad place just reading the replies makes me feel a little better.
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Yes, I too tend to over anylyse everything. I sometimes think that this is a ploy to keep me from actually doing anything. I have found that it's good to hear that other people are suffering similar problems, but that seems selfish. But the people here understand. You are not alone. Michael.
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Yes, I also over analyse things. The thing is Terry, I'm sure you'll find it easier to talk to the GP, than you anticipate. Going to see the GP doesn't necessarily mean you can agree to taking meds. many people live through the depression but don't like to go down the medication mode. Instead, they use all other coping strategies. The GP might offer antidepressants, but please don't feel obliged to say yes, if you feel unsure.
At the end of the day, it needs to be what makes you feel the most comfortable. How long have you been out the army?
Wish you well, we'll be thinking of you
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Hi cat thanks for your reply I came out of the army at 18 about a month after I tried to take my own life the strange thing is I was put under special supervision for about a month but when they asked me why I did it I just said because I wanted out but I don't know why I did it I was happy in the army but I thought I would look stupid by saying I was suffering with depression. I am kind of hoping that I can have a normal life as possible by seeking help because I just can't see me lasting much longer like this. I have these distorted views on life it's weird. I just wish I could swap my life with someone who is terminally ill I don't want to be here I don't deserve to be and yet people who love life who deserve to be here are the ones who are terminally ill it just don't seem fair.
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I know this will probably come across as flippant but it isn't meant to. We have a friend who doesn't suffer with depression, he was a drug addict but has been clean for some time now. He has a tendency to analyze things to the extent that he will over analyze. It was just a thought that crossed my mind as he used to take illegal drugs whereas some of you are taking legal drugs and do the same.
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Hi pip I have never done drugs I just over analyse things to a degree where it wrecks my life this is only a minor issue I have loads of problems I actually have a hatred towards drugs. I think the problem that holds me back the most is taking in a basic conversation I only take certain parts of what people say to me In I really have to focus and tell myself to listen because I struggle to take information my body is there my brain isn't.
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Hi Terry
Listening to you is listening to myself. Distorted views of life are not weird, they are our unique way of interpreting and helping us cope with our surroundings. No two people see the exact same object in the same way. Your thoughts sound to me to be a product of depression. I completely understand the reason you gave to the army for your suicide attempt. Depression doesn't really exist in the army. This is/was part of the problem with soldiers suffering Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and getting the help.
When I eventually went for help for how I was feeling, it was a relief to finally understand why I was having so many problems relating to life and living it to the full. To know my "weird" thoughts were actually a symptom of mental health/depression, came as a great relief. At the same point, realising there were others suffering just like me found me the strength to move forward
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Hi cat yeah that is a major problem in the army I think a lot of soldiers suffer without saying anything I know it took me a whilst to get used of civvie life and when I came out after I had tried to take my life I never spoke apart my army life and I never will I think something's are best left untouched however that is not the cause of my depression I had a good life in the army. Anyway today has been a good day the first day I have felt well for about a month or so I even treated myself to a pint first time I have been out the house for a whilst 0158
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It is often hard to adapt to life in civvy street after being in the forces. A lot of people find it hard.
Its good to hear that you had a good day yesterday, hope it continues for you.
Take care
S x x x x
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Yes, I'm aware of the problems soldiers have adjusting to civie life. I don't agree with war, but feel we should lay the red carpet out for those who serve our country, not only in a heroic performance, but with every support and funding they might need to live a normal life. I am utterly disgusted that the Government won't provide the best artificial limbs to amputees, or the best therapy services for those affected by what they have seen.
I understand what you're saying, that it isn't the army that made you depressed. It might take you a while to work through exactly what is causing your mood to be so low.
Pleased to hear you were feeling reasonably good yesterday and had a relaxing pint. I hope today feels the same
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Hi again well today started off real bad I felt terrible didn't help the dog going crazy at the window cleaner lol. But the day has got better I have been offered an interview for a job I applied for that has picked my mood up a bit. I will book to go and see the doctor Monday and ask for some help. I don't know if anyone can answer this but if I get put on meds how will I get on driving because if I get this job I will be driving for a living and I wasn't sure if you could still drive on certain meds. Once again thanks for all the great advice I have received and I am really looking forward to going to the doctors now I bet your all sick of me keep going on so I will try and make any posts as light hearted as possible.
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You can drive on antidepressants but only if they are not causing your reactions to be slower
or blurred. Usually the side effects of antidepressants subside after 2-3-4 weeks, for some it might take longer, for others no time at all. I always take my antidepressant before bed and I find it cuts down on feeling most of the minor side effects. Of course, sometimes certain antidepressants (AD's), just don't suit people and it can be a bit of trial and error over a period of weeks. In general, I found the AD "Citalopram" works well and is low in side effects. There are many other people on the forum who are on it. You could suggest to the GP that you try that specific one, if any at all. I know your fears and it is true that some people prefer not to use meds. The trouble is, once you're on them for a while, you cannot suddenly stop and must reduce slowly under GP supervision.
I'm pleased to hear you're going to speak to the GP. These days, there's no need to suffer in silence
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Its so good to hear you are going to see your Dr on Monday. Good luck on your job interview, I do hope it goes well.
As far as I know you can drive whilst taking anti depressants, I have never had a problem. But as Cat has already said meds affect people differently.
We are certainly not sick of your posts, its the lovely thing about this forum, we all know what its like to feel low.
Oh and one of my dogs hates the window cleaner as well :bgrin:.
S x x x x
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I'm glad that things are going so well. I hope that the job interview is succesful. You never need to think about censoring your posts. We are all here for the good times and the bad. Best wishes Terry. 0158 Michael.
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Citalopram worked well for me for several years, with no bad side effects only had to change it because of another med started on.
hope the interview goes well for you
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Just want to say have a friend who has been on Citlopram and finds it very helpful. My doctor put me on to Fluoxtine(Prosac and did find a lot of side effects)So fight your right if you need to drive. All the best.
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Hi thanks for all the kind messages I've had a terrible weekend I have barely seen the light of day had my curtains shut and avoided the world lol apart from letting the dog out I think he's becoming a recluse too lol. When you get put on meds do you have more energy and a better life or do they just space you out or something I haven't got a clue and I don't know how they are going to make me better surely they can't make me think straight and give me loads of energy. Will they improve my concentration levels so I can listen to a conversation without having to try like hell to take it in.How will I know if the meds are working when I get them if I don't know what there supposed to do. I dunno my brains going at a 1000 mph again just ignore my rambling. 004
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I do feel for you as I have been where you are, medication did help me, but it can take a couple of weeks to start to see an improvement, for me it was very gradual, I remember singing along to a CD in the car, just a subtle thing but something I had not done in a while.
S x x x x
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Suffering real bad I wish I had a friend or someone to talk to and help me through this dark time. I just feel like screaming at the top of my voice until every last breath of air has escaped my useless body.
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Oh huge big :hug: for you. I know you don't think it now, but things will get better. We are here for you.
S x x x x
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I've, had days like that as well and it's a good thing our rottie is a lazy animal and our lurcher x is ok as long as we don't make a habit of it.
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I have a Labrador cross he is lovely he is a rescue dog I found him at a place I used to work and he had his legs tied up so I checked to see if he had been tagged and he hadn't so I kept him he had tar all over his fur he was scared to eat out of a bowl so I fed him by hand until he learnt. He is my best friend and he never judges me and he never lets me down like so many people in the past have. I've had him 6 years now I can remember when I first found him he would lie on his back for hours and wriggle across the floor whilst we listened to music. He's getting old now though he struggles to walk anywhere most of the time he sprawls across the bed until someone knocks the door then he sprints downstairs barking lol.
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Hello again Terry. I'm sorry that the world seems such a dark place at the moment. Things can and will improve. (That's what I try to tell myself too.) Animals are great friends, and your dancing partner sounds like fun. I hope that Monday's visit to the Dr gives you some reassurance. Take it easy. Michael.
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Hi I've just got back from the doctors it's not good news I told him everything I have been going through and told him about the possible driving job and he refused to give me meds because he said he cannot be sure how my body will react to the meds and he said it's not a good idea if I'm away from home driving he told me my health should come first before any job but I told him I really need work. He said I need therapy sessions to which I agreed but he said the waiting list may be long but that I will be contacted about the sessions. He said that he thinks I suffer with manic depression but he said he can't be sure and wants me to get a better diagnosis from a specialist. I am disappointed about it and I don't know a lot about manic depression is it something to be worried about as to give up a possible job for the sake of my health the doctor said he was worried. I don't know what to say I feel a little confused ???
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I am so sorry you did not get on well at your appointment with your dr. Is he referring you to a phych dr to confirm his idea that you are suffering with Manic depression?
I am afraid I do not know much about this type of depression but I am sure someone here will be able to advise you.
Please take care
S x x x x
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Hi Petop, i can understand your confusion, there are many sites on the net to help you get a better idea, one such site is here
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/whats-the-difference-between-depression-and-manic-depression/ (http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/whats-the-difference-between-depression-and-manic-depression/)
as for the job prospect, i can understand your desire to get a job, but your doc is right in saying you have to look after your health.
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Terry, I totally understand your concern. However, your Doctor's reaction is the sort I would expect from a good GP. A good GP won't just hand out meds but get you an assessment with professionals who deal in mental health. They are better placed to know exactly what type of meds you need. Manic depression is similar to mine, I am Bipolar. It's manic depression. They are much the same. If a GP gives you antidepressants, it could cause you to become hypo-manic and do you a lot more harm than good.
This is all frightening to you because it is the fear of the unknown. Please try not to worry too much. The GP is a good one and I would stick with his suggestions. It always takes time to get an assessment with mental health, but it is well worth the wait. If you are really struggling to cope, don't hesitate to go back to him and he might prescribe you Diazepam (Valium) to help calm you down.
The work is a tricky one, I'm not sure what to suggest
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Hi cat yeah the doctor is really good he asked me loads of questions and when I finished answering he said that I was sick and that I am like anybody else who is unwell he was happy that I had told him everything and said that he was certain it was manic depression or bipolar as you put it the strange thing is it was like he was reading my mind when asking me questions every single question he asked me was correct. Even down to the uncontrollable spending and gambling and doing outrageous stuff I decided to just up and leave the country when I was 22 and live in france that lasted about 2 months.the only thing is I feel down a lot more than I do up I would say my depressive episodes last about 1-2 months but the hyper episodes maybe 1-2 weeks is that normal.I know this mite seem insane but I have decided to give it 12 months and if I still feel the same after going through all this to make myself better I think it's best to end it.
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I don't understand how anybody can be cruel to animals, my ones are my world. Back in 2009 a lad who worked in a shop about two minutes from our home found two starving kittens in a box in an alleyway. As he had two cats he took them home to see if they would accept the kittens. They didn't so a friend of his took the older of the two which was about 6 months and we took the other one which was about 3 or 4 weeks old. For the first four days he was eating well but on day 5 he had really bad diarrhea so took him to the vets who gave him an injection and suggested a change of diet until he put weight on. Sadly he died about 10 pm and it broke my heart. At least we made his last few days comfortable and he knew he was loved.
It's good that your doctor listened to you and whilst it may feel frustrating in some respects it is better to get your diagnosis right.
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I'm sorry to hear that pip it's incredible how people can treat animals so bad. I have never had cats but I do remember when I left the car window open when it was a hot day got in the car to work about 10 miles down the road I saw the neighbours cat curled up in a ball on the back seat fast asleep lol I had to turn round and go back home to drop him off. cathug
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Oh yes cats will make themselves comfortable anywhere. Our first cat used to get in our car sometimes when we went out and lie on the dashboard. Our dog would get on the boot shelf and it would make us laugh with people's expressions. A few times people would ask if it was a real cat then he would move to be nosy.
The most cats we've had are four and the most dogs we've had has also been four. Over the years we have also 'adopted' three guinea pigs, had a hamster, goldfish, tiger finches, budgies and canaries. We are now down to two budgies, two dogs ~ a rottweiler who thinks she is a lap dog and a 'confused' lurcher border collie cross ~ and a cat. The lurcher x would copy the cats by jumping on the back of my chair, he would sleep on my pillows because the cats did and would try to get on the kitchen sides because the cats did. Mind you every dog we've had has ended up with the cat flap round their necks when they've got to that size of getting too big to go through it.
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Hi Terry im sorry to hear you are having such a rough time, but i am new to this site and i do find it very helpful and surportive, I would like to recomend a book to youj to read it has helped me so much during my depression,and even if you think you wont beable to read it, you will in fact its almost like you have written it yourself!
Its called Self Help For Your Nerves By Dr Mary Weeks. please try to find a copy you wont believe how much help that book can give you!!
All the best to you, you are not alone .
Blue Lady
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Hi blue lady I will definitely give that book a try I do read a lot so it may help I looked online for it but only saw a book by Dr Claire weeks the book had the same title is that the right book. Thanks for your help. Terry.
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Hi Terry,
I wonder if writing things down in a note or letter and simply handing it to your GP would help your break the ice?
I wrote a history down when I saw a psychiatrist, he read through it and questioned me about bits he needed further clarification on. It was much easier on me.