Depression Forums
Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: Sallas on April 08, 2013, 12:41:01 AM
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Ive come to understand that i dont think in brave enough to end my life and that is much worse than ending it. It amazes me what a person can live through. Im so so so alone. There is way too much in my head, regrets, flashbacks, wants, needs, dissapointments it goes on. I gavent bern sleeping at all and ive had time to think of these things a hundreds at night. I would so like a week off, a day even but i know ill just lie in bed and hate myself. I need to change being me but im tired of everything. I want to be take care. One of the this that calms me most is thinking of a ultelated time when i was in hospital and i love remembering the nurses looking after me, just people caring about how i was doing. Thats crazy isnt it? my head hurts thinking, i need an off switch..... Im not in a good place right now :(
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The simple fact you want to feel better is something to hang onto at your lowest :hug:
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I totally relate to you not being brave enough to end your life, this is exactly how I used to feel. Many of us fantasise about suicide, but few really want to die. You are clearly very depressed and having a low self-esteem is part of that. This makes all of us be a little too hard on ourselves. Sometimes, we need to hit rock bottom before we can bring about major change.
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I always find it's helpful to think in these situations about the people who would miss you if you were gone. There isn't a person in this world who would die and not be mourned. That includes you. Even if the person who missed you was some stranger on the internet who read what you were going through and hoped you would pull through. Like we all here are. Every single person here cares about you and wants to see you get better, and we've never laid eyes on you. There isn't a person alive who wouldn't be mourned. There are people you've never even met who want you to get better and be happy. Even when you feel like noone cares, there are people who do, you've just never met them, but they read your story and felt for you, even as strangers. They wanted you to get better and would miss you if you were gone.
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Very wel said, Kutuup.... totally agree