Depression Forums
General => Welcome our 'NEW MEMBERS'!! => Topic started by: EllaStar on October 29, 2012, 01:46:30 AM
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So I'm very new to all this. I haven't been diagnosed with depression purely because I don't dare go to the doctors and tell someone that I am struggling. I have had spells of depression that have come and gone since I was about 13 but I am at my lowest point I have ever been. I've just started my career and a break down of a relationship have caused me to feel completely out of my depth and really just like a failure at life. I have days when I literally can't move out of bed and I just feel like it is the absolute end of the world. I sat in my cupboard at work the other day in the dark and just cried my eyes out. I told myself I was being pathetic and nothing will get done if I sit and cry but I just can't manage my emotions right now. I obsess about death and it is constantly on my mind that the life I am living is not really worth anything. I can't help but think that I make no positive impact on the world around me and I won't be remembered for being a remarkable person. I have no motivation or drive to do anything about that though. My friends don't know I cry myself to sleep at night and that I consider the benefits/consequences of my death everyday, and I couldn't tell them why I do because they just wouldn't understand and I'm sure they would think less of me.
I am really just looking to talk to other people who understand this feeling and can help me put all this misery into some kind of positive outlet rather than self destruction.
Ella
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I completely understand you and I have been through exactly the same feelings.
Please, please go and see your GP, you don't have to suffer like this, it is completely unnecessary!
With appropriate medication and / or counselling you will be happy again, just don't let this get out of hand, you are suffering unnecessarily.
Thinking of you, it is tough but there is a light at the end of the tunnel xx
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Thank you :) I have considered conselling many times but have chickened out due to embarrassment. It's something I will have to make myself do eventually or I will continue to feel like this but I am just so scared of asking for help and people in my town (very small doctors surgery) knowing that I'm not 'normal' and can't function properly.
I know talking helps me to deal with my problems so I'm hoping I can talk to people on here until I'm ready to take that next step.
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Hello Ella and welcome to the forum +-_. you have made a big step by coming here and admitting you have a problem. You are not alone here, we understand how you are feeling. I do urge you to go and see your GP I know its hard but he/she will understand, maybe write down how you have been feeling so when you go you can hand this to the dr, i know when I first went to my dr I couldn't speak for crying, they are used to this and its perfectly natural. Thinking of you %^%.
S x x x x
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Thanks Shaz xx
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Hi and welcome EllaStar *()
I'm going to be another one to recommend you go to the doctor, I know its hard but its a very necessary next step
Z xxx
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Ellastar, doctors know this is a medical condition and you have nothing to worry about. They won't judge you, they'll just try to help in the same way as they would if you said you get migraine etc... With medication, you will be able to function well again, I promise you xx
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I'm very wary of taking medication though. I could definitely do with something to stabilise my moods though because it is unbearable when I'm really really low and don't know what to do. Not sure if there are any big implications of taking meds, I've never really considered it so haven't looked into that.
Ella xx
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Hi I am also new to the forum, I had the same concerns about going on to medication and the DR but they are very understanding and once they explain how it helps you will feel better. It is a shame no one talks about it and it is seen as a weakness this is how I felt.
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Hello,
I was like you, antidepressants get a lot of bad press and I was really scared. Some people get side effects, most people only get very minor ones (dry mouth, feeling nauseous... these usually go away after about 10 days) If you get side effects that bother you, talk to your doctor. There are 20+ types of medication available so you don't have to put up with a medication that has unpleasant side effects.
Can I recommend you read Dr Cantopher's book "Depressive Illness, the Curse of the Strong" as I find his book really explains well what depression is all about. It is not a weakness, it is an illness that is highly manageable and highly treatable. You WILL be able to go back to your normal self, just please don't delay seeing your GP. In the same way as you'd want to talk painkillers if you had migraine, a good antidepressant medication really will give you your life back and help you function as you used to.
Have you done the PH-9 test for depression? Your GP will probably ask you to fill it in, alternatively, you could print a copy and take it to them. Here is a link:
http://www.med.umich.edu/1info/fhp/practiceguides/depress/phq-9.pdf
Please get in touch again if you have any question, it is completely normal to feel scared about taking medication but your GP will be able to give you the pros and cons. Alternatively, do read "Depressive Illness, the Curse of the Strong" and be kind to yourselves.
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Welcome vwone :)
Thanks everyone for the advice, I will definitely take a look at that book. I will have a good think about what I do from here but I am still stupidly scared of going to the doctors! Obviously I can't carry on as I am though because it will affect my job and future relationships if I keep letting this take over.
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Yes, depression is best nipped in the bud. Maybe you just need CBT. In any case, don't let it get worse!! xx
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Hi and welcome +-_
Going to see your doctor isn't easy ~ I suffered for many years in silence ~ but crossing that bridge does help.
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I carried round my depression for a long time and it just kept building up and up and got worse by the week. Until I admitted to my doctor that I needed help and quite honestly I'm glad I done it because I don't know what state I would be in today if I never.
Again I'm going to say to make an appointment with the doctor it does not even have to be your usual one just ask the receptionist.
At the end of the day how worse could it get by seeking help from the GP.
Welcome it's nice to meet you.
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Ella.... welcome, you've come to the right place if you want to share with like-minded people. There's still so much stigma attached to mental health. Depression is like a secret illness
Best wishes
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I too am so glad I went to see my GP. I felt bad for 3 months, unable to understand what was wrong with me, kept thinking it would pass and was going to go away of its own accord.
The ups and downs carried on until the downs became really unbearable. I went to see my GP. I am so glad I was given a diagnosis and only wish I had gone before. Antidepressant medication helped me sleep refreshingly immediately. The lows stopped being so low and I gradually got my life back where I left it.
Depression is an illness caused by a problem of "communication" between synapses in your brain. The communication is made possible by neurotransmitters that act as messengers. The . neurotransmitters that tell our brain it's okay to feel happy, calm, positive, relaxed, optimistic get captured before they've had time to send their message. The brain can tell there is something wrong so it reacts by producing adrenalin that makes us feel worried and agitated. The brain stops us from sleeping as sleep deprivation helps the body (temporarily) produce more serotonin neurotransmitter. Antidepressant medication help by stopping the capture of neurotransmitters, a little bit like putting the plug in in the bath so that when the tap is on the water can fill the bath again.
This is roughly my understanding of depression based on what I have read. Scientists are still unsure why depression happens, why some people get depressed... there seem to be a genetic pre-disposition + environmental factors + psychological factors....
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Thanks for the replies guys. Catb I couldn't have put it better myself. I feel like I'm keeping this big dirty secret from my family and friends. I'd be really ashamed if they knew that I'm depressed but it shouldn't be that way really :( xx
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Thanks for all that info bookletters. I don't really have any understanding of depression, I think I've spent so long avoiding anything to do with it out of denial I guess. I always assumed it was a result of trauma in my childhood and things that I am repressing, but I don't like to think about that (ironically). Xxx
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Childhood experiences can have a lot to do with it too.
You don't have to be scared, it's a nasty monster but there are many solutions to whack it on the head and make sure it lets you enjoy life!!
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It could be down to your past experiences Ella. But medication and good counselling should help you overcome this. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of many people suffer and your Dr will I am sure help % ^%. S x x x x
Sent from my BlackBerry 9300 using Tapatalk
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Hi EllaStar, and welcome to the forum!
Well done on being so brave to reach out here. Depression is a lonely illness and can feel very isolated. The people on this forum are wonderful - caring and non-judgemental. I have found it to be a great place to talk honestly about my illness. I hope you find that too. And it helps to know that you are not alone in this illness!
There are so many different types of depression, but I personally also believe that there are as many 'types' of depression as there are people with depression. We are all different, and the organ that is our brain, as well as our minds, are all unique.
In some cases, medication is the only thing that helps some depressives. Others manage without medication but just using therapy and CBT. Others use medication for a limited amount of time, then wean off and manage it with a variety of resources.
Your GP has to keep details of your health confidential: they are bound by that rule. So if you have to go to the Dr's, no-one will really know why you are going. I can imagine it is nerve-wracking, considering going to the Dr in a small town. But consider also that it may not necessarily be a bad experience. I found great relief in talking to my GP.
If you are nervous of medication, you possibly have some other options. Depending on the type of depression you have or whether it has a specific cause, you could use talking therapies or CBT to work on it.
I was very skeptical about CBT but have found that it does help (well, it helped me - as with all things related to health in general, and mental health in particular, what works for some doesn't necessarily work for others!).
I am lucky to have an excellent therapist (whom I fondly refer to as my shrink - I usually don't like the word but I think it 'softens' the seriousness of it all).
I have found that therapy has really helped me. My Mum, on the other hand, found very little benefit from talking therapy and relies solely on medication.
Again, about the small town: perhaps you could find a therapist, or be referred to a therapist by your GP/ the NHS, out of town from where you are?
I am not familiar with your circumstances or access to transport of course; but maybe going out of town once a week for a session will give you that anonymity?
I can HIGHLY recommend the Book "Manage Your Mind: The Mental Fitness Guide" by Gillian Butler and Tony Hope. It is like an 'owner's manual' for the mind and mental health, and deals with elements such as stress, depression, anxiety, etc. I have found it invaluable as part of my journey. You don't need to read it cover to cover, I have found: I dip into it every now and then. It has really helped me get to know myself, and it gives so much practical advice and things to do, for you to try to combat depression, and ways of preventing/ minimising it in future. Of course, it doesn't work for everyone: for people with severe or chronic depression will have to approach it differently. But it also gives good advice for looking after yourself when going through a bad/ low period.
I hope you are doing OK. Do keep posting on this forum and let us know how you're doing!
Best wishes
%^%
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I too benefit(ted) from CBT and meds but the meds are what help me be able to benefit from CBT!!
I bought the book you talked about PaulaJo thanks.
There are constantly new things coming up for people suffering from depression too, one of them being TMS which has had some incredibly good results. DBS operations, although usually a "last resource for really severe cases + when nothing else has worked") has incredible results too.
I am keeping an eye out for GLYX-13 results this december too!!!!
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Thanks PaulaJo. You are all so understanding. I am actually feeling incredibly low right now :(
A girl that my boyfriend left me for has contacted me on Facebook (I know it's probably more trouble than it's worth but I keep in touch with friends on there) and I just feel so deflated as she is really attractive and seemingly very bubbly and enjoying life. I feel like I wasn't picked because I am just not good enough and obviously not worth staying for. I feel so unwanted and unlovable and like I will probably die alone because I won't ever find anyone as amazing as he was.
Also I'm with a couple of friends now who just brought up the topic of suicide (they have no idea what I'm feeling) and I found it so uncomfortable, found it hard not to cry. These are things I think about and the subject is weirdly tempting and talk of methods is hard for me because I find myself thinking "Well I would maybe do that one" That really is terrible isn't it :(
I get very pessimistic when I'm in this mood.
Ella
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Aw Ella, you poor thing.
I know it doesn't feel like it, but YES you ARE deserving of love!
Just because he left doesn't mean you aren't lovable or that you won't find someone else. It just means that he is an idiot!
I can completely relate to the feeling of being unloved and undeserving of love. Even after my (now) husband proposed, I didn't believe that he loved me or that I deserved any love at all. But try to hang on to the fact that you are lovable, loving and worthy of love - even if it doesn't feel that way at the moment.
That must've been awkward for you, with your friends talking about suicide.
At my low points, a few months ago, I was also having suicidal thoughts, and for a long time afterwards any discussion about suicide cut to the quick. I think because it's just so close to the bone for us, this topic. Ir is a scary place to be, and lonely too. Some people have no idea how what they say, affects others.
Do something for yourself, that you like, or that you usually have enjoyed in the past. Light a scented candle, have a nice comforting cup of tea, put on some relaxing music... Just treat yourself a little bit. You may not feel immediately better, but looking after youself, giving yourself a break, can help.
PS I found The Samaritans were so good to talk to. I had times of such desperation, I just wanted to die, and just telephoning them anonymously gave so much relief.
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Ella, what you are describing is completely normal for depression and can + will get better with AD treatment and/or CBT.
I feel so sorry to hear how much you are suffering and would like to tell you even if it sounds impossible right now, you will not always be feeling like this. When you are back to your happy self you will be able to see that you are worthy of love and a great person. You will be able to find someone who truly deserves you, see your ex and think "well, your loss!"
Be kind to yourself, it is normal to find suicide discussions difficult when you are feeling like this but this too shall pass I promise.
I am sending you a big hug xxx
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I'm only 21 but I feel like time is running out to find someone who will really love me and not cheat on me/leave me!
I don't trust people (especially partners) at all and that's always been an issue.
Thank you both for the advice. I try to go for walks now when I'm feeling low because I know exercise helps me but sometimes I just get so caught up in how sad I am that I dont want to/cant move at all. It's really good to just get out everything I feel here though :) usually it is all bottled up and sometimes I get so anxious and feel like I'm about to have a panic because I let it build in my head.
Watching a comedy now to try and cheer up!
Hope you are feeling okay today.
Ella xxx
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Thank you Ella!
All the things you are saying I could say myself when I have depression. It's absolutely typical of the illness.....
Did you say you are on medication?
I have had a good day thank you, CBT was productive today and venlafaxin is helping me do more and more which I am grateful for. It's incredible how much an effective medication can completely "transform" you from being a complete wreck to a functioning individual again.... xxx
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As for being on your own aged 21, I too used to worry massively about this at your age and was convinced I'd never get married and no-one would ever want me etc.... but you have looooads of time I promise!! I met my hubby when I was 28.
Once your depression has cleared you'll be able to meet new people and things will happen for you, I am sure!
I found reading this young woman's blog helped me. She too got depression and she is roughly the same age as you. blackdoggeoffrey.blogspot.com/
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I'm not on medication bookletters but considering it. I'm intrigued by CBT but don't know a great deal about it. What is it like?
At the moment I'm just so worried that I've missed my chance at happiness, as ridiculous as that probably sounds that's how I feel. I've had two relationships both over 2 years and with people who I thought I would settle down with and both times I've been really let down and now just think anyone I end up with will just hurt me as well and Ill always be alone. I do know that I've got deep rooted trust issues though from a young age after my dad seriously betrayed my mum and our family in pretty much the worst ways possible, but that's another story! So maybe I'm just predisposed to being pessimistic about relationships!
I hope my future isn't all doom and gloom but I'm not too convinced right now. Feels like life is just a stressful mess that doesn't really get any better with age lol.
Thanks for the blog I'll have a peek :) xx
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Ella, I am reading you and thinking "these thoughts about the future and life in general is typical of the pessimism that depression creates"....
Life is good, you have plenty of time to meet Mister Right and the future is not full of stress although depression will convince you of the contrary.
Have you done the PH-9 test for depression?
http://www.med.umich.edu/1info/fhp/practiceguides/depress/phq-9.pdf
I really, really think you need to go and have a chat with your doctor. He'll not prescribe antidepressants if you do not want to take them but I think he needs to keep an eye on how things are progressing for you. A medical treatment (and that includes CBT) would help you feel happy and relaxed and not see the future as such a gloomy / stressful place.
You do not need to suffer the way you are suffering now. If you had a really bad headache, would you refuse to take painkillers? The same applies for depression.
These are some of the symptoms of depression. If you have some / many of these please go an see your GP xxx
Symptoms:
you can’t sleep or you sleep too much
you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
you feel hopeless and helpless
you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
you are much more irritable, short-tempered, or aggressive than usual
you’re consuming more alcohol than normal or engaging in other reckless behavior
you have thoughts that life is not worth living (Seek help immediately if this is the case)
Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).
Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
Reckless behavior. You engage in escapist behavior such as substance abuse, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports.
Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.
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Thank you for all your advice :)
I will definitely make an appointment with the dr soon but might ask to see someone other than my usual family dr who has known me since I was a child!
Thank you for the symptoms, I have researched those a few times and made a list recently of my symptoms which are similar to those listed there. Mainly the ridiculous level of pessimism and loss of energy/feeling of helplessness jumps out at me but others like sleep problems and loss of appetite and self loathing are issues I have too.
Right now though I am thinking more clearly than I was earlier and talking to you has helped me tonight so thanks a lot :)
Ella
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I am pleased to hear Ella!
Do ask to see a different doctor if you feel embarrassed. Most of us find depression is worse in the morning and lifts at night (something to do with circadian rythms). If you feel worse in the morning please don't be alarmed, it is totally normal!!!
Hope you have a good day xxx
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Hope you get an appointment with a Dr. Maybe try writing a few things down on how you are feeling and take this with you. Take care. S x x x x
Sent from my BlackBerry 9300 using Tapatalk
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Yes Shaz is right, or you could ask if you can fill in the PH-9 questionnaire for depression. Most GPs will ask you to anyway.
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Yes I will print off and fill in that form and take it with me when I actually build up the courage to make the first phone call!
Ella
Xxx
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even when you make the phone call you don't need to say what your appointment is for, just imagine it as booking a regular appointment.
i know its easier said that done.
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Or, you can ask if there is a GP who deals specifically with anxiety and mental health. I have and I think they gave me more time + sent me to a GP more specialized in that sort of problems.
My friend's friend used to self harmed so badly she had to have the nurse change her bandages every week + her self harm got so bad she ended up in hospital needing blood transfusion or she was going to die. GPs see cases like that all the time Ella, so sorry if I sound dismissive (I am not) but us and our depression we're really nothing new under the sun to them.... your GP will be listening to you and ask questions about your symptoms and tell you the best course of action. They will not be thinking any less of you and it's nothing to be embarrassed about (that's depression making you/us feel like that). I get on really well with my CBT therapist and she was telling me that one of her clients is a GP and another one is a dentist.... so really, depression can happen to just anybody, it's a malfunction of the limbic system and it's nothing to get embarrassed about. Will be thinking of you when you go to the docs xxx
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I think they do ask what it is for at my doctors :S I know you don't have to say but the whole idea is just horrible. I've been willing to go through all the stress and heart ache rather than just go and ask for help because the idea is too horrid lol I know I need to get a grip.
Ella
xxx
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If they ask what it's for.... just say it's confidential or say it's for a physical problem that you need to show the doc for a diagnosis!!!
My surgery never ask what it's for thank goodness, I would hate that!
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Sorry bookletters, I didn't see your other comment. I don't think you're being dismissive. I feel really suicidal right now :( Watching best friend with her fiancée, so happy and in love. I think happiness like that is within my grasp, so what is the point in anything?
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Ella, it's the depression making you think / feel like this. Morning often tend to be worse too.
Please, please phone your doc and book an appointment. You don't have to suffer, feel suicidal and low about the future. Please, please see your doc, pick up the phone girl!!!!
Would be lovely to hear you've done it. Come on Ella!!! xxx
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I had an ultimate low last night :( it was awful. Luckily I called a good friend and they sorted me out and stopped me from hurting myself but I was just an absolute state. I will go and make an appointment tomorrow, promise :)
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Ella, do it today please or go to accident and emergency if your surgery is not open and tell them you are worried you are going to hurt youself so they can give you a prescription pronto presto !!!!
Seriously, it is very likely to become tougher and tougher if you don't start on medication me thinks.
From experience: when you are on the right medication, your lows will because a lot more tolerable and gradually you will go back to your happy / relaxed self.
Please don't delay....
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Hi Ella. Sorry, I've not been on the Forum much this past couple of weeks, but I've just been reading through your pages, since I last posted.
I'm so sorry to read of the difficult times you are having. I couldn't say any more than has already been said. I can totally understand any feelings of rejection you might have since your B/F left you for another woman. Let me tell you, Ella (from an old wise man!) not only is he an idiot, he's a cheat and a liar and someone you are best shot of. I think all women in their 20's must go through self-doubt whenever they are not in relationships. Maybe it's a lot to do with the "Biological clock" ticking. My sister always felt like you do throughout her 20's. She eventually married at 32 and subsequently had her two boys, who are now 17 and 19, and, yes, she is still with her husband. One day, you too will meet Mr Right. Until then, try not to evaluate yourself or your situation while you're so depressed. We all seem to have such a pessimistic view of ourselves when we're at our worst.
I don't know whether you need medication, but I certainly think it would help if you could talk everything over with your GP. I remember the first time I approached anyone about depression, I was in my late 20's and felt very self-conscious. Maybe I might have felt more awkward if I was using the same GP since childhood, but in many ways, maybe his knowledge of you and your background might help him support you as best he/she can. I always take a list to the GP, I think he almost expects it. I imagine I'm not the first highly-emotional patient he's seen with a list in their hand.
What worries me the most for you, is that your lows will gradually become lower and with it an increasing isolation. We are similar in that we both feel a certain amount of shame and maybe even embarrassment, about our depression and I think I keep my depression as much a secret as you do. It appears to me that you have a lot of thoughts about self-harm and left unchecked, my concern is that, one very low day, you might just carry out what is currently just a fantasy.
Ella, your health is too important, your life precious, NOt to take our advice and go see your GP. Everyone who has written on these pages have urged you to make an appointment. If Reception ask what you're making the appointment for, just say "personal reasons". You mentioned that you called a friend last night, who was a big help. Maybe you could explain the situation to them and ask if they will accompany you to the GP. Honestly, you'll find as soon as you're sat in front of the GP, all you'll need to say is "I am very depressed". The GP won't expect you to talk your own way through it, they will lead the way forward, I promise you.
I'm pleased to see you've been posting regularly. The Forum is one of the best places for support and advice that you'll ever find.
Please take care, Cat
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Is it normal to have like a period of depression where it is quite intense for a few days/weeks? I have really tried today to keep busy and keep positive after last night's episode and I have seeing my friend from uni who I havent seen for months tomorrow to look forward to, but I just can't feel positive. I feel like I might burst into tears at any point and I have this constant nervous feeling in my stomach that I can't shake off. I don't understand why I can't just feel normal and content when it's been an average day and I've got positive things planned? Feeling very frustrated!
For the first time, I am thinking that I might ask about anti depressants. I was really against the idea but as many of you have said, what is the point in struggling when I could do something about it?
Ella
Xxx
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Hi Ella,
Every depression is different. From my limited knowledge, I know about severe depression, chronic depression, dysthymia, cyclical, bipolar, unipolar and atypical depression (which apparently is the most common)!
I too have periods when I am fine and periods when I get really low.
It is frustrating when your "inner" life is so distraught, even though your "outer" life is so positive.
A few months ago I felt suicidal, hopeless, so terribly terribly low... can't even describe how low... and yet, I had a fairly good job, loving fiance, friends, nice home, family coming to visit for our wedding...
Depression sometimes doesn't care what's going on in your life.
Try to distance yourself from this low, sad hopelessness. I know, and I do really know, it is easier said than done. But try to see it as the illness, not you. It is sometimes less distressing when we "accept" itbus the wirk of the illness. Underneath it all, "we" are still there.
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Nobody likes the idea of taking antidepressants because they sound scary and there is a lot of bad press around them. BUT, no it is not normal to be unable to feel positive or content. It is not normal to feel suicidal or to think you are never going to be happy. This is an illness and it is called depression!!!
Modern medicine allows people ill with depression to go back to happy/positive mode.... Ella, you are suffering in vain. If you had a headache, you would take a painkiller. If you are feeling the way you are feeling, a low dose of antidepressant for a few months is going to help you go back to your happy self and stop suffering so much xxx
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I am like Paula Jo, I have a wonderful life but every now and then depression makes me feel incredibly low, unhappy, with no hope in sight and nothing but utter despair... thank God, thanks to modern medicine, it does not last very long and I can go back enjoy my life where I left it.
You don't have to waste your life feeling this way Ella, please go and see a GP xx
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I totally agree with Book and paulajo. Depression is an illness. If you had diabetes you would take insulin to improve the quality of your life. Taking the right antidepressant will also improve your circumstances. It doesn't mean you'll be on them for life, but certainly when you're feeling as low as you are.
I hope you manage to at least discuss it with your GP
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Is it normal to have like a period of depression where it is quite intense for a few days/weeks? I have really tried today to keep busy and keep positive after last night's episode and I have seeing my friend from uni who I havent seen for months tomorrow to look forward to, but I just can't feel positive. I feel like I might burst into tears at any point and I have this constant nervous feeling in my stomach that I can't shake off. I don't understand why I can't just feel normal and content when it's been an average day and I've got positive things planned? Feeling very frustrated!
For the first time, I am thinking that I might ask about anti depressants. I was really against the idea but as many of you have said, what is the point in struggling when I could do something about it?
Ella
Xxx
Hi I am sure it is differnet for everyone but this is just how I felt two weeks ago, I had one night when I was perfectly ok then the next morning it returned and I was worse then ever. I went to the Dr's that day and have been on Citalopran since (10 days ago) I am glad I did I am still quite low but not as bad and not crying all the time. I am also getting couselling and had a course of CBT. As others have just said I actually have nothing to be depressed about happy family, nice home, good job but depression can still come. I almost feel embarressed because I know others would say what has he got to be depressed about....Please seek help and make yourself better
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Too many of us feel embarrassed about having depression.
I think when you understand that depression is a physical illness and that you aren't responsible for it then you can hold your head high and say to yourself "Actually, I am incredibly blame for fighting this illness and no-one has any right to judge me!"
Once you are on the right antidepressant, depression is a lot easier to put up with. Since being on venlafaxin I haven't cried once and my lows are a lot less low than they were. I am also able to sleep, eat, go out etc.... I really hope Ella goes to see her doc soon.
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I have always kept my depression secret. Some people who have known me for many years, would be surprised to learn I suffered regular bouts. Lately, regular has become persistent, but I'd rather lose touch with people than let them in on my secret. I find people generally don't understand and normally respond awkwardly.
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Yes, I tell some people but not some others. People respond differently when you tell them I find....
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Hi Ella, hope you are feeling a bit better, just wondered if you had managed to book an appointment with your GP yet
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Good post, I was thinking of Ella too and wondering how she was doing.
How are you vonne? xx
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Hi guys. I'm going to the doctors tomorrow, haven't been able to go yet due to work but I will be going in tomorrow to arrange an appointment. Had another rough day today but not as bad as I have been. Had a tough day at work, finding work very hard at the moment and feeling very inadequate and useless. Feeling very tearful which I hate :(
Hope you're all doing okay.
Ella
Xxx
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Thanks for keeping us updated Ella, yes work is never easy when you have depression!! xx
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Good post, I was thinking of Ella too and wondering how she was doing.
How are you vonne? xx
Hi thanks I am not too bad citralopram doing its work at the moment, Ella that's great news hope you get an appointment soon *()
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Good to know citalopram is helping!! xx
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Hi Ella,
I hope the rest of the week was OK for you?
I take my hat off to you, working a job while struggling with this illness is so so tough. You can really pat yourself on the back for that.
How are you doing now?
x
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Hope things are going ok for you, Ella
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I'm not doing too well really. Didn't go into work today because I was hysterical last night and didn't get any sleep. Feel really guilty for missing work now :(
I'm trying to think of things I can be positive about but I can't really think of much right now. Keep obsessing about the fact I'm single, back at square one after being hurt and might not find the right person for me to share my life with :(
Any thoughts?
Ella
Xxx
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I'm not doing too well really. Didn't go into work today because I was hysterical last night and didn't get any sleep. Feel really guilty for missing work now :(
I'm trying to think of things I can be positive about but I can't really think of much right now. Keep obsessing about the fact I'm single, back at square one after being hurt and might not find the right person for me to share my life with :(
Any thoughts?
Ella
Xxx
Hi Ella, sorry to hear that did you manage to get to the Dr's? I know it is really difficlut when you keep obsessing about the same thing and it is difficlut to stop. One thing that I found helped was writting down how I was feeling and why it was bothering me. My counseller gave me a sheet called Stop and it asks questions to stop you thinking of something such as what advice would you give someone and how would someone else see the situation it may help it is probally on the internet somewhere. Also try to keep yourself busy to take your mind off it I have baked a banana cake and carrot cake in the last two days ^-^but I also think you do need to speak to the Dr as I am also on mediaciton as well as these ideas.
Hope you feel better soon *()
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Hey Ella
Sorry you're not feeling good. Sometimes taking time off work makes us feel so bad, we might as well have gone in after all. :-\ ^-^
I think ruminating seems to be a common symptom amongst people experiencing depression. I agree, writing is a good way of getting things into perspective; sometimes a good old rant never goes amiss either. I think vwone's suggestion about keeping our mind preoccupied is a good way forward. It does take a lot of practice, but sometimes the little achievements go a long way in building a belief in ourselves.
I don't know if there is a person alive who, at your age group, hasn't at some point spent too much time worrying we are going to be single for the rest of our lives. Usually, that turns out to be untrue. Sometimes, we need time to be alone; maybe you need to get over this particularly rough patch before you can fully flourish and, one day, meet Mr Right.
I wish I could say something that would make you feel better
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I just feel like a totally broken version of myself and I wish someone could just put me back together again. :'(
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Hi Ella hope you are feeling ok?? I have just been diagnosed with stress and depression. I really didn't want to go to the doctor as I was scared but I'm so glad I did. He was very sympathetic and put me on 20ml citolapram which I've been taking for 2 weeks and I can already feel them working. Never forget its an illness, and it can be treated
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Welcome Ella.
I'd like to echo what the others have said.
I'm also new to this site (I joined today).
For me, the worst thing about depression is feeling that you're completely alone with your feelings. I'm 51 and have suffered on and off with depression most of my life but have always found it difficult to admit to people, especially partners.
Going to see a doctor is a must but do keep your options open. Antidepressant drugs don't work for everyone. Some people respond better to counselling. I'm sure you'll find plenty of good advice about the pros and cons of antidepressants on this site.
May I also recommend a book to you? Sunbathing In The Rain by Gwyneth Lewis is a book I've recently discovered and it's helped me no end in terms of feeling less under attack when the darkness gathers. Unlike a lot of books on the subject it's actually very funny and not at all bogged down in heavy theory.
I wish you all good things, Jon
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i think i can understand a bit. i wish everything would just go away a lot of the time. sorry you feel so bad.
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Thank you. I've not been on here for a while because I've actually been feeling better! I am sorry to say I haven't been to the doctors, I can't do it. I'm trying to fix myself on my own and to some extent it has worked, I've given myself goals, cut the person from my phone and life who had caused me so much pain, have started doing better in my job and eating healthier which I think has improved some of my moods. Christmas was difficult and I did feel depressed at times and had to spend some time alone but I feel okay now. I know I will have to have counselling at some point if I want to really deal with my deep rooted issues but I don't want medication and would rather go down the self help root for now.
Hope you've all had a lovely Christmas.
Ella
Xxx
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Hi Ella so glad you have made positive steps on your journey. I have an appointment with a councillor next weds. Am quite nervous about it