Depression Forums
Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: nocaph on October 25, 2012, 09:14:27 PM
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Thinking of you nocaph, it's a good thing that you come here to share and so we can help you.
I am sending you a big hug and hope you get better *() xxx
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%^% thinking of you xxx
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Wishing you peace and sending hugs *() %^%
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When you needed help, support and understanding, you were repeatedly slapped round the face! You persevered, but it must have taken so much out of you. I have no great solutions or ideas, but I send you my best wishes, and I hope that things improve for you.
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%^%
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You certainly have been through a very difficult time. I think you should feel really proud that, despite the difficulties you were experiencing, you did actually manage to complete a 4 yr degree course.
I have no idea what Atrophy, fluent aphasia, or somatisation disorder are. Whether you're symptoms are down to one of these illnesses or another or maybe even your MH, it doesn't matter, there is absolutely no need for those Doctors and Nurses to be so rude and, at times, even nasty. To be escorted off the premises by a guard while in the throws of a panic attack, just doesn't seem appropriate. However, from experience, attempting to raise a complaint through the NHS can be cumbersome. It sounds like you're going through enough without taking on anymore aggravation, but only you will know what's best.
Sometimes our nearest and dearest can be a bit on the curt side, but underneath the day to day stresses, your Dad will be very concerned and probably also feeling upset to know that you aren't having a very happy life. I'm sure everyone who visits this Forum will relate to your day to day and hourly fight for survival.
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(((( hugs )))) for you. S x x x x
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Hi,
I've read all of your post, every bit of it. Then I viewed your profile and read your 12 posts to other people. I hope you don't find that creepy, I just found that your (incredibly messed up) story something that really made me feel for you. I read you got diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder, I bet you hate it when the depression kicks in. I tend to get a build up of anxiety for days and or weeks and then my depression kicks in, I call it the walls of Jericho because when they come crashing down I can not do anything. I don't feel like getting up in the morning and have no motivation to do anything, I can sit and stare at the wall for hours unwashed, unshaven and another thing I eat at most one meal a day when I'm like this and that's just about eaten.
Today I'm feeling pretty good about myself. My confidence and self esteem are back up and I'm in a pretty good mood. I just got my email to say I can come on the message boards so I thought I would write to let you know I've read your posts and I hope your okay. I read a bit that says 'real' people or something along them lines. I hope that you realize that you are as special as anybody else, Someone recently said to me to look at it this way 'We are all talking monkeys floating round the universe on an organic spaceship.' Which tickled me. The point I'm making is sometimes I take things to seriously and it gets me down. But I wanted to let you know that you deserve as much respect as everyone else around you. You are a normal person its just that you have an illness with your bipolar depression.
I noticed you are very well informed on medicines and illnesses, I didn't understand a lot of the medical terminology you where using. You also strike me as highly articulate and intelligent. I am also envious that you have a degree and I don't. Wish I had one!
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Captain Freeky what a nice post! You sound like a really kind person.
It's never too late to start a degree. You could do modules here and there with the Open University. Doesn't cost too much and you can do it at your own pace xx
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Hi nocaph,
Thanks for replying, it means a lot to read you taking the time to respond to me directly. Don't worry about your scan tomorrow as I know you will be fine, you know why I know that? Because look at all the things you have been through and your body has dealt with them. I bet you are stronger than most people I know but just realize it yet.
You mentioned nihilism as a defense mechanism. I hope you don't feel like you need to use defense mechanisms too often. If only you could realize that you are a great person and hopefully soon everything will be better for you and you can start enjoying life once again. Its funny how people push us away when we need them most isn't it. When I read through your posts I kind of thought that you where getting two responses from your support network 1) denial. This is because people can't believe such bad things have happened to someone so close to them and it seems strange to them and scary because they don't know how to help you. 2) rejection. I get the feeling people are acting this way because it's unusual to the and people naturally shy aware from an issue that they are scared of.
You mentioned somethings that I would like you to explain to if that's okay? You said you have hallucinations, what are they about? did you see something? another thing I read but don't understand is somatisation, what is that? Is that an illness?
Hope to hear from you soon, remember you are not alone. There is always someone, somewhere that wants a chat.
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Remember this, you don't have to thank me for a few words. You deserve them! I'd like you to remember though that I feel that you DESERVE TO GET BETTER!
I've been doing a bit of reading about bipolar disorder as it's something I've been toying with about me having. I have times when I'm down and times when I'm up and I'm wondering about mania, if I get it. One thing I've noticed is that it says about mania and or psychosis and hallucinations and I bet you a penny to a pound that's where yours are coming from. Don't be frighten of them, it's not you. It's just your illness and you are going to get better.
That thing about somatisation. I think back and I had a problem with my bits, a pain and I went the doctors convinced I had testicular cancer. He checked them and said they were fine. I then got chest pains and went to my GP with them convinced I had lung cancer and again was checked and told I was fine. Then a pain in my head which I thought was a tumor, again fine. I've had a few more and every time I'm fine. I wonder if it is something to do with this Somatisation? I've just read about it on the net and it says that I would be convinced that the pains where real, when they are not. My brain would make them real. So how would I know? How would I know? It bends my head thinking that it could be my brain playing tricks on me and I was convinced it was real.
How will you feel tomorrow if you test results come back clear, will that worry you?
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I suffer from mania, apparently, due to Bi-polar. I also liken it to amphetamines without the euphoria. Last week I spent a whole week surviving on 3hrs sleep. I wanted to do everything. Unfortunately, what goes up must come down. During these times, I can also hear voices, but most usually someone shouting my name or knocking on the door.
I hope your MRI scan went ok today
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I don't think it's mania then. I don't experience such quite highs. Just feel real good about myself for a while before things start crashing down around me. It's happened a few times to me now and I've spotted a pattern to it so hopefully now I can defend myself against it. or cushion the blow at least.
Will you being getting your test results tomorrow or will you have to wait for them?
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I don't think it's weird that you hope to find something major and be informed of this straight away. I'm guessing that the main reason why you feel like this is so that you can prove the doubters wrong and finally get the help and support you have been after all along. I guess why you say that you would feel relief and maybe suicidal if your tests come back clear. I guess you will feel really down if you get the all clear, a sense of despair that this is going to carry on.
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I have also had an MRI and I know how scary it is. I just hope you do not have to wait to long for the results. S x x x x
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Nocaph, don't feel bad this has happened, untreated or ineffectively treated depression would lead you to having to go home because you get a wave of low mood. Please try not to worry about it, once you have an effective treatment this won't be happening and you'll be able to get on with your life xx
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I totally agree - some people have no idea of how to talk/treat someone. I am sorry you had to go through this. S x x x x
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I used to know lots of guys who had personality problems and got picked on in school. Once they left they got into the gym and then started experimenting with steroids. They are all bully beef cakes now and work on the doors. This is when I realized doormen where mostly picked on at school so they get a job where they can join up with other meat balls and target people who are quiet and who don't express themselves in a confident way.
Don't take it personally I know a few of these people and a lot of them suffer from strokes and heart attacks. Let them have their little fun because secretly they are really unhappy and insecure themselves. Plus when all that testosterone is finished being used there will only be estrogen left and you know what happens to a mans body when its flooded with estrogen
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"No you can't have a chest X-ray, talk to the psychiatrist instead".
That is the last straw, I'm changing my GP tomorrow... no one could possibly do more harm than he's doing/has done. He was being so aggressive towards me that I didn't even get a chance to tell him that I'm bleeding from my digestive tract. Oh and then my dad started screaming at me as usual and said "If you're gonna kill yourself then just do it" in response to me saying I felt suicidal.
Hate everything.
Why do you need to speak to your psychiatrist?
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Hi
Sorry I haven't replied before, I've just read through your posts.
I think you're right, it's time to change GP, how they can put clear physical symptoms down to mental health I don't know.
I also suffer mania/hypomania as a result of bipolar and also describe it as taking excessive amounts of amphetamines, although I normally get the dysphoric sort.
Xxxx
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Sorry my friend, I wrote that question wrong. I meant to ask, why do they think you need to speak to your psychiatrist?
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I had a feeling that you would feel down after your scan. I hope your mood lifts soon.
I've spent the last few days since I read your posts hoping you are okay, as for you saying that you feel like disappearing. I've spent the last few days reading your posts, responding to them and I hoped we had started to get to know each other. I would be gutted to think that you were thinking about doing something to hurt yourself as talking to you has really lifted my mood and I was hoping I'd helped you do the same.
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I've been feeling really good since I found this forum. Today I really went out my way to make sure I was looking people in the eye, I was putting myself outside of my comfort zone and making sure I was talking to people and looking them in the eye. I felt a little anxious but people where talking back and I even got a few laughs from people which really gave me a confidence boost.
I've read a few bits about depression, PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder. I think someone I live with has symptoms of these illnesses, I think I may even have some of the traits as BPD. I find myself treading on eggshells a lot and have to put my feelings aside for this person. I'm just wondering if living with someone with these illnesses could take my confidence and make me feel down?
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It all depends what the relationship is like captain and if they are addressing these issues, what their relationship with you is like etc etc.
Nocaph: we all feel like disappearing when we are bad. I've been in a plane before and caught myself thinking "wouldn't it be nice if it crashed?"
I don't feel like that now, haven't for a long time actually. It does get better xx
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I found they went to the doctors, got prescribed antidepressants then had them changed. They got sent to a councilor but they stopped going, which I got the impression that they looked for an excuse not to go back, which I completely understand.
I don't think the relationship is too good to be honest. When they talk and I stand looking at them I get asked "Why the dirty look?" but I had no expression on my face. I find I can never spend enough time with them, they always want more and then I get told I don't spend any time with them. They can't stand being at home, they get bored really, really easy. I find myself having to creep round them only to be pushed away and I find I have all my personality flaws pointed out. I sometimes think my sanity is slowly draining away.
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Well that doesn't sound good.... why not get your own place? xx
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Hey,
I have been thinking about at least taking a break as it's not been nice lately. I don't want to come across as the 'victim' or being blameless and I know that I probably am a pain to live with at times or all the time but I also know that it's not just me, Sometimes I don't think the other person sees it that way?
Anyway I feel l like I'm hijacking Nochaps post so I think I'll start a thread for myself and give Nocaph his thread back!
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Aww that's no probs captain keefy, I am suren nocaph won't mind :)
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Hey Nocaph, how are you today?
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Dogs, that's not one on my list. Heights, blood, dentists, spiders are all on my list.
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I can't face the dentist, although I will have to soon.
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Sweet, apart from the twilight. I couldn't be doing with glittery vampires around me
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I loved Beavis and Butthead. Remember the film, it was brilliant. I love adult cartoons south park, family guy both tickle me
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Haha, excellent, you're my new favourite person =+-
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If I end up with a bachelor pad, it's gonna be the best bachelor pad ever
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I have just read this thread and the last few posts have made me smile.
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Yeah I'm hoping a little laugh and joke can help raise moods
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I know only too well the infuriating anger that can be attached to a parent. Sounds like he knows nothing about ulcers.
You don't need to prove anything to him or anyone
Hope things go ok when you return home
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