Depression Forums
Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: dave208 on October 23, 2012, 03:48:38 PM
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Hi I’m not sure if it’s just me or something linked with depression I find I lack confidence in myself and shy away from praise.
I am currently taking motorcycle lessons and have my test tomorrow, I have been getting a lot of praise from the instructors on how I am progressing and the fact it is the first time I have ridden a large capacity motorcycle and they seemed impressed on how I handle the bike. The thing is when they give me praise I feel almost embarrassed and wish them to stop usually I would say ‘I’m not very good at taking compliments’ sort of jokingly as not to offend but thank them for the encouragement. I also have an overwhelming feeling of I don’t like good news and wonder what will go wrong.
I have been like this for as far as I can remember even if my wife pays me a compliment I usually say don’t be silly and will put myself down if she says for example I have lost some weight I would reply I’m still a fat so and so. Is this normal or a part of depression. *^*
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I also suffer from low self esteem and do not take praise easily. I have always been like this since I can remember but only suffered from depression for the last 6 - 7 years. But I do think that the two can go together in some people.
Good luck with your bike test tomorrow $%$.
S x x x x
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I too think that people prone to depression often personality share traits: very sensitive to criticism, harsh to themselves, don't believe in compliments. set themselves expectations that are too high, perfectionists etc etc
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I'm the same dave
Z xxx
Good luck with your test _)_
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Just came back from the test centre unfortunately no luck this time mind you I know exactly where I went wrong, should be able to try again in december _-+
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Thats a shame but at least you know where you need to improve
Z xx
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So sorry to hear that. I do hope you pass next time.
S x x x x
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I am the same and find it very difficult accepting compliments. I tend to find the two go hand in hand - when I work on building my self-esteem my depression aleviates. Equally, when I hit a low - my low self esteem plumits and I will not hear any positive views about myself
About ten years ago I first started to understand - with the help of a therapist friend - that the reason I didn't like compliments and felt uncomfortable is because I believed myself to be un-lovable/good for nothing. This is known as 'your bottom line' i.e. the thoughts about yourself that tend to form in early childhood. For me, as a child of two unable to understand why my father left, my bottom line stemmed from the belief that he left because of me (a 2 year old's brain understands EVERYTHING that happens to be a result of them). Compliments are difficult to accept because they are at odds with this bottom line (and creates a psychological conflict) because it rubs up against the stratgies you've developed to get by day-to-day.
So, challenging this bottom line is really important. Try and figure out where it came from. These are not rational beliefs, they are the thoughts created by the 'child you' that are still there in your subconscious mind. Remember that beliefs about people (including yourself) are NOT facts. So you can change your beliefs in a way that works for you.
I want to get my motorbike licence. Used to ride a 125 and want to trade-up but my wife won't have it! Good luck
Nick
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Nick you are so interesting to read!!!
I grew up in a loving family BUT when school was concerned, even if I had a really good grade and came third of the class, my mum's answer was always "and who came first and second then?"...
My parents' theory was "tell you off massively / criticise" if you do something not quite right, if you do something really good, don't expect tons of praise as you could have done better....
Result: I am never good enough for my own standards, I am very self critical, compare myself to the best of the best and see myself as totally useless!!!!
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Thanks bookletters :D! I find your posts really interesting too!! Hope you're feeling better today. I spent the day visiting family yesterday. Enjoyed it but feel totally wiped out!!
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I bet hehe!
Trying to find something fun to do today :)
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Hi and thanks for all of your support, I read with great interest nickemj what you write and I will sit down and think about my childhood and if any parts of my younger life triggered this self doubt. I certainly remember being bullied at school and although my parents were great I seem to remember my mother on a number of occasions putting me down, not doing well enough at school etc etc.. %$£
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I have to say, in this day and age *most* compliments are complete rubbish and only given so that the person gets one in return....
so someone will say... oooh, nice coat... in the vain hope that you'll notice their new coat/shoes/hair/whatever...
I tend to ignore compliments because of this.
however, with the few that I feel are meant and given sincerely, then I just smile and say thanks to the person, that is all that is required (IMO).
unlucky on the motorbike test Dave... had mine for years... one of the best things I have done... fingers crossed for next time! :)
oh, and here is a few photos of my 200mph beast to inspire you! "!+ "!+ "!+ "!+
(http://i279.photobucket.com/albums/kk131/the_cueball/cc5978c1.jpg)
(http://i279.photobucket.com/albums/kk131/the_cueball/fdfbf126.jpg)
(http://i279.photobucket.com/albums/kk131/the_cueball/1cddca0f.jpg)
$%$
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Hi Sad Sack you make a very good point in that people make compliments to get one in return. On a lighter note very nice bike got my test in December so hopefully ride something a little faster than a 125 yamaha maybe not as fast as 200mph!!!! $%$
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You'll hopefully pass next time, Dave.... it's all a learning curve, albeit a disappointing one.
I totally agree with what Nick wrote. I believe childhood events mould us into the adults we become, although, I guess in theory, through Therapy, we can change what is not "wholesome". Sometimes it amazes me that certain childhood events still have a massive effect on me, today. Often, childhood scars never heal and can be incredibly painful to recall during therapy. In fact, there are one or two things in my very troubled childhood, that I doubt I'll ever be able to discuss.