Depression Forums
General => Welcome our 'NEW MEMBERS'!! => Topic started by: nickemj on October 22, 2012, 02:52:52 PM
-
Hi all
This is my first time on this forum and wanted to share my recent experiences with like minds.
I have atypical recurrent depression which started when I was 14. My mother also has unipolar major depression (with psychosis) and is currently a psychiatric inpatient. She has been a patient for 2 years and this is her second admission in 6 years. I am her only form of support which puts an enormous strain on my mental health. My father, who separated from us when I was 2-3 and who I recently re-established contact with, also has depression.
I have been seeing a counsellor 5 times a week for the last three years which has helped keep the black dog from the door mostly. However, work is my main trigger - especially feeling that I am useless/incompetent in anything I do (regardless of how any positive feedback I get) and that I am going to be found out/criticised/sacked and never able to work again. I have been off sick from work and left more than one job as a result of this panic as I put immense pressure on myself and worry about my performance constantly. I resigned from one job in Feb due to stress, worry and depression. After a few month break, I started a new and very challenging job in July. I then got married in september. After coming back from honeymoon a month ago I totally crashed, was unable to work and have been signed off work and put back on SSRIs (which I'm devastated about as have been off meds using talking therapy alone for the last 3 years). The thought of going back to work, explaining my mental health issues etc and taking up my current role terrifies me and I want to run away again though I know I can't keep doing this.
Friday, I just found out my wife is pregnant. I am delighted, but terrified of passing this horrible illness onto my child. I also feel under immense pressure to keep a regular/steady employment in order to support a child.
Any advice and similar experiences would be very welcome. I'm still off work and desperately trying to get my head back together.
N
-
Congratulations that you will be a dad, you also have a wife that loves you. I haven't been through what you have but it is a real fear that depression will be passed on. You do know what it is like to suffer with depression, you do have medical information so that in itself prepares you for you child possibly suffering with depression.
-
I can understand your work situation and ill admit it now that I am embarrassed about anyone finding out about my depression.
As I have said before everyone has major ups and downs. I had a major down 2 weeks ago. It's all part of the cycle. And I understand what you are going through.
You have a baby on the way and I understand your worries about passing it on to the child but you need to try and think positive, that you have something to look forward to, something to focus your mind on and that's your child.
-
Also, depression can be hereditary BUT it doesn't mean your child will get it at all!
You know the illness so you will be able to help your child through it if they develop it. They may never do though.
Also, remember that science is making huge progress (look at for example GLY-13 and the use of TMS and Ketamine) so by the time your child is an adult, maybe depression will be cured in a few hours!!
-
Hi
Thanks so much mat, pip and booklettters for these replies and good wishes. I am delighted about the prospect of becomming a father and do feel at least I would be able to recognise the signs symptoms in my child early on and seek help.
Will look into GLY-13 and the other things you mentioned bookletters, many thanks! Hopefully there will one day be a cure!
-
Scientists are moving fast, the fact that ketamine can make severely suicidal patients go back to normal in a few hours brings tons of hope for future treatment.
Bring on GLYX-13 trial results in december!!!!
-
Hello and congratulations on becomming a dad &(*. I do believe depression does run in families, myself and my brother and sister all suffer, but my parents didn't and myself and my sister have 3 grown sons each and none of them have shown any signs. But I am always worried that it could affect my boys. But being a sufferer myself I would know the signs and be as supportive and loving to help them through it.
S x x x x
-
Hi Shaz
Many thanks. It's really helpful to hear your experiences and that your children have grown up without this. I worry a lot about what kind of father I am going to be and I fear that I am going to be a rubbish one, which makes me panic. I also feel under pressure to really get to grips with my depression as I don't ever want my son/daughter to see me in one of my downs/panics. How did you manage this with your children?
Take care
N
-
I too think depression can run in families, my mum and I both do but my sister and her children dont, it wont necessarily stricke your children
Z xxx
-
Thanks Zaf! Wish I knew why some people get it and some don't. Take care, N
-
I did not begin to suffer until the youngest was in high school. I did keep it from the boys and put a brave face on for them. But they eventually found out and were just wonderful. Very understanding and supportive with me. I have to say I was very proud of them.
S x x x x
-
I have wondered too what kind of mum I am going to be having depression etc... but at the end of the day, as long as you are open with your children and explain the situation, they will help you and not think less of you at all!
When I was growing up I saw my mum suffer from an anxiety disorder and phobias. The anxiety wasn't always there but as I was never told what was going on, I remember thinking "mum can be a right pain, she is so neurotic and always making a fuss". Now that I have depression (and anxiety as part of depression) I am now able to say to my mum "I am so sorry, I understand what you went through now...." We still had a very happy family life and I love(d) my mum to bits.
My advice to you is: don't hide it from your children and teach them to be compassionate and patient with you when you need help. I wish my mum had told me more what she was going through, it would have been easier for me to help her and be there for her.
-
Thanks shaz and bookletters for telling me your experiences. That's good advice and idea of not having to hide it does make me feel less nervous. Thank you!
N
-
I've often wondered about this theory of depression being hereditary. Lke many on the Forum, I have a mother who suffered depression all through our childhood and even today. I'm not sure if it is as much hereditary as it is learned behaviour.
Like the others, I would think your own knowledge and awareness will be the best attention your child could ever hope for. Congratulations... I do hope everything goes well . Sorry to read your feeling down about the meds again, but think of them as a crutch to help you on the road to recovery. I'm quite sure you'll be able to return to the "talking route"
Best wishes, Cat
-
Thanks Cat. Am unhappy about the meds but hoping they will kick in soon. Are you on meds at the moment? I was in fluxotene last time and hated the side effects. Now on citalopram which seems to have less side effects but doesn't seem to be doing much. The thought of going back to work next week is terrifying.
Sorry to hear you mum has depression too. Mine becomes convinced each day that I am dead (she has recurrent depression with psychotic episodes), so I have to call and reassure her each day that I haven't died. Feel so sad she is caught up it and I worry that this is the way I will go (and my son/daughter). My wife's mum has schizo-affective disorder and is in a care home. Makes me so sad and worried.
Sorry ...... bad day today!
-
+-_I can only imagine how sad and worrying it must be to have so much mental health issues in your family. AS I said before, I'm not so sure on the hereditary side of things. If it is all about learned behaviour, then hopefully your wisdom and knowledge will keep you, wife and future child safe from such debilitating mental illness.
I've suffered depression since teenage years. I started using many different anti-depressant over the last 13years, but my depression never seemed to lift. The GP would always say that without the AD, perhaps I'd feel worse. Cut long story short, my psychiatrist started me on Quetiapine in May of this year. In low doses, up to 400mg, it is used as a mood-stabilizer; higher doses, it's considered an anti-psychotic. My depression has been a little Psychotic at times, so this drug seemed the best option. I'm also taking Mirtazapine, an AD.
Within days, the change in my mood was quite remarkable. I've since been diagnosed with Bi-Polar and have been struggling with the highs; sometimes they feel worse than the lows. Whether this means, once again, my meds are not doing the job they should be, I dunno. Lately I have been encouraged by a member of the Forum who lives through Bi-Polar without any Meds. Maybe one day I'll give it a go.
I hope your time on meds are not too long, but try not feel so downhearted.
How are you doing now? Are things going ok with the pregnancy?
-
Cat think you have a point about learnt behaviour. Studies on identical twins separated at birth shows depression is hereditary at 34% I think so really it is not at all a case of "it is guaranteed you will get it!!"
-
I didn't know that book, my opinion is just down to observation. That's very interesting about twins 'thing'
-
Yes, that's how scientists are best able to predict if an illness is hereditary or not, identical twins separated at birth!!!
Bipolar is a lot more hereditary than depression from what I have read...
In any case, it's a combination of factors anyway: you may have the gene susceptibility but your environment, way of seeing the world etc won't necessarily make you depressed...
-
This article sums it best I think;
"While there is usually a genetic or hereditary element - meaning, some people are more susceptible to a certain disease because of their genetic disposition, it is usually the case that environmental factors play a greater role. In other words, the influence of "nurture" is as great as, and most likely greater than, "nature".
For example, hypothetically, say a hundred people have the exact same genetic disposition. If they all embark on very different dietary and lifestyle habits, for example smoking versus not smoking; alcohol drinking versus being alcohol-free; a diet of processed foods versus a diet of clean, fresh organic foods; regular exercise versus a sedentary lifestyle; a stressful life versus a relaxed life; many traumatic emotional experiences versus a relatively smooth-sailing life; fresh air versus polluted air; eating moderately versus frequent overeating; etc, the health and disease outcomes will be very different."
-
Very interesting, Book and totally makes sense.
-
It does doesn't it?
-
Hi
This is really interesting. I agree there is mos likely a mix of nature and nurture
I think one thing that worries me, which I've read about recently, is the 'kindling hypothesis' ie that whilst it often takes a lot of stressful events to triggger the first episode of severe depression, you become more and more sensitive to stress as a trigger over time - as the brain becomes increasingly sensitised. This certainly seems the case with me, and with my mother. I am much more susceptible to stress now than I was ten years ago (and have had 4 bouts of severe depression over that time). For my job I have to be able to work well under pressure and respond confidently to criticism, yet I often fold under the slightest criticism of my work and find pressure increasingly difficult to manage. This is such a change from when I was younger and I feel like I am slowly losing who I am and my ability to maintain my career. Yet, I will need to stay strong and maintain a job/income to support my new child.
On the upside, 'mindfulness cognitive therapy' sounds a promising approach for maintining/extending the well periods and dealing with stress. Might look into this.
Take care, N
-
Mindfulness reduces the chances of further episodes in people with recurrent depression by 55%!
As for kindling, well, I am sure this can be managed with good therapy / CBT, meds etc. It's probably a case of "left untreated", kindling can occur.... Again, it's probably not the case with absolutely everyone you know...
-
"feeling like you are loosing who you were and the ability to maintain a career" ... I had a mood gym session online last night and I believe it you think like this it is going to make you worse!!
Remember that with age, we loose some of our abilities too! I certainly wouldn't go clubbing until 5am like I did when I was 17 etc
-
Nick, I think you have a point about becoming sensitised to depression. However, I also think, as the years tick by, our experience affords us the ability to manage it better.
Most of us do tend to fold under criticism and pressure. We are normally dealing with such a heavy burden, it doesn't take much to tip us over the edge
-
Yes, experience helps. When I was first diagnosed aged 17 1/2 I was absolutely terrified and didn't know how to cope or what to do!! No-one is my family gets depression apart from my cousin who had one episode 25 years ago and I think a great uncle somewhere had it too. My mum has anxiety but she's never had depression so it was tough as no-one really was able to reassure me or tell me I was going to be able to recover!
I find now, I know how to deal with things a lot better and I respond to antidepressant a lot quicker than I used to, especially if I am getting a "top up". GPs never seem to believe me but if I have a top up of the right medication I am able to go back to work after 3-6 weeks. The docs keep saying "but in 6 weeks most ADs wouldn't have kicked in fully you know!" but, not sure why, it often does the trick for me! I am sure it's chemical too as when I was left on citalopram for months I was in a really bad state.... but give me venlafaxin or mianserin and I feel better every day (well okay some days are still low, but nowhere as bad as they used to be!).
I think science has a lot to offer us in the future too Nick. I keep going on and on about GLYX-13 but in december, we'll be able to find out whether it is bringing us the news we are all expecting (AD that works in a few hours!!!!). My friend who was born profoundly deaf is now able to hear after an operation. I have good faith that in 10 years time or less, science will be able to give us fast acting AD that mean we don't have to suffer unnecessarily.
Likewise, TMS is still very expensive at the moment but I am sure in the near future it will become more and more accessible.
So, will our brain become sensitized to depression? Maybe. But does it mean we will be suffering more as a result? Not necessarily...