Depression Forums
Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: Els on August 28, 2012, 08:56:13 PM
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I want a baby ....
Me and my boyfriend have talked about having children. He knows that it's something that i really want and he wants children too.
I'm scared though ... If i have a baby - what if my depression comes back? what if i pass it on to my children?
I'm not currently on my medication and am dealing with my lows with advice from my counselling and from my doctor.
It's all i can think about though but would i be putting myself at risk by doing it?
I would appreciate any advice
Els
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You are doing all the right things dealing with your depression and you have support. It's something you could always discuss with your doctor.
My son suffers with depression but ours is a more complicated situation. I suffer with depression due to many years of emotional abuse and for being coerced into surrendering. Chuck in being expected to get on with my life, never talk about him then finding him when he was 23. To top it all he had found my family when he was 18 who chose to lie to him by claiming not to know where I was. They would have continue to lie if I hadn't found him. He has major issues with being adopted. Loads more to this and really I am count myself fortunate not to be more screwed up than I am.
I have been through the what ifs scenario but I don't know if my son would have suffered with depression if I had raised him although I don't think my depression would have been so severe.
Ask your doctor for advice.
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Hi Els,
I too have been feeling that I would love to have a baby, but worried about my depression and anxiety.
I have never been one of those 'broody' women, who has 'always wanted to have children'. In fact, I went through a period of time over the last few years, where I was close to deciding to not have children. I am very grateful that I live in a society that is (more) accepting of women who choose to not have kids.
But lately, I have been feeling that I would like to have children, or at least just one child. I am 29, turning 30 fairly soon, and I know also that the longer I leave it, the more risk to the baby (as I understand it) and the lower chances of conceiving.
I have also worried about my depression. Would I be more prone to post-natal depression? I know that being on anti-depressants while pregnant can give the baby blood pressure problems. So I would want to be 'recovered' when I do get pregnant (here's hoping!).
And my anxiety - as it is, I struggle when kids are noisy and raucous. Friends of mine have kids and I can sometimes feel quite overwhelmed.
I did some googling and found this passage on the website of the Royal College of Psychiatrists:
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/problems/postnatalmentalhealth/postnataldepression.aspx
"What causes PND?
Many possible causes for PND have been suggested. There is probably no single reason, but a number of different stresses may add up to cause it.
You are more likely to have PND if you:
have had mental health problems, including depression before
have had depression or anxiety during pregnancy
do not have support from family or friends
have had a recent stressful event - e.g. death of someone close to you, relationship ending, losing a job.
There may be a physical cause for your depression, such as an underactive thyroid. This can be easily treated.
PND can start for no obvious reason, without any of these causes. Also having these problems does not mean that you will definitely have PND."
I take heart from "Also having these problems does not mean that you will definitely have PND". There is hope!
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hey there
Not wanting to scare you, but thought I'd put my experience to you!
I had been off meds and feeling good for about 2 years before i accidently got pregnant.
I was about 3 months pregnant, when I just couldn't face going into work, from feeling low but only minimally...i worked in a call centre for council tax,
so you can imagine how nasty people got! lol I tried but i burst into tears with every screamer.
Out and about i would have the odd panic attack and be a bit spaced out...not all the time..
I tried to go into work part time after a couple of months rest, but the first call and i started crying!!
So that was that.... i wasn't that bad, it was only ever triggered by certain situations, but otherwise felt reasonably ok!
Got made redundant (with payoff) bonus! lol
As long as i stayed out of triggering situations i was pretty much ok.
I never contemplated taking meds while i was pregnant...daren't and doc wasn't that happy to unless I wanted.
After I had my daughter, i was doing ok...had lots of hassle from her dad and his mum, as we weren't together...and after about 6 months I went to docs cos i was getting a bit worse, the panic attacks and anxiety stopped as soon as I had her...but it was a while before my depression really kicked in again...so i would assume having my daughter was the catalyst for it....
i had support from my mum and dad, without them i couldn't have done it...but I left my parents home and started my meds, and was feeling great again after 6 months...I don't really think it was PND, just a recurrance of my old depression...i was on the meds for another 2 years...6 years later I'm back on them again tho...panic attacks and all, which i didn't have with the first 2 bouts of depression, that only started when I got pregnant.
Aslong as you've got a good support network durin and after pregnancy, you'll probably do fine!! it's worth it...and I didn't miss out on a thing.. I just understood I was ill, and accepted all the help i could get and didn't feel guilty for it....calm as possible...and i got thru it
my daughter is almost 9 now...and a very very happy, chatty, lunatic of a child!!! hehe :-) The only thing that is different about her is that she can cry over the silliest things, not often, and she can get anxious over certain things....but i was like that as a child too...but it doesn't hinder her from doing great!
Sorry if that was a bit garbled....2 hours sleep last night! lol
But its worth it!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Hi Cat69,
Thanks so much for sharing your experience of pregnancy/ motherhood and depression & anxiety.
Support, like you say, is essential. The advice on other sites says a lot of support is necessary, and can help diminish/ prevent PND.
It certainly brings me comfort. I must admit this question had been at the back of my mind, but only really surfaced when I saw this thread by Els.
&(*
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Thank you all so much for your advice and comments.
I have always been able to pinpoint the triggers of my depression. A nasty divorce and the death of 2 close friends in less than 6 months to name a couple of them. I do find though that my work has a big impact when i'm suffering. I struggle to cope sometimes as where i work can get very stressful at times.
I wouldn't take any meds if i did get pregnant as i would not be comfortable in putting my child in any danger. My real worry would be the PND.
I really appreciate the link you gave me PaulaJo.
I am very lucky that i do have a strong support network from both family and friends but none of them have ever suffered with depression or anxiety so they don't understand my fears and worries.
Do you think i should just speak to my doctor? Would he try to talk me out of it??
xx
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Yes definitely
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Yes you should talk to your doctor and no they won't try and talk you out of it. As long as the health professionals are aware then they will look for potential problems.
Also, if you want to have a baby & don't then the regret could cause a relapse. Xxx
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Yes you should talk to your doctor and no they won't try and talk you out of it. As long as the health professionals are aware then they will look for potential problems.
Also, if you want to have a baby & don't then the regret could cause a relapse. Xxx
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Thanks everyone . I've spoken with my boyfriend and we've agreed to try in the new year. I'm going to make an appointment with my doctor some time this month to talk it over with him and my boyfriend has agreed to come with me so we can all talk it through together.
=+- xxx
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Good I'm glad.....you won't regret it!!!!!!
Lavender helped me alot, still does... but i mean real lavender, wrapped in a hanky to help calm me! :-)
Essential oils in lavender too, the decent stuff tho! lol
Rope everyone in you can find to help you thru it, and thru it after the birth for the first few months, and you'll be just great, i know it.
It'll be hard, but oh so worth it!
My daughter wasn't planned, not a mummy sort really, but pushed myself along and never regretted anything, but you seem like you want it more than anything...so you'll do perfect.
&(* &(* %^%