Depression Forums

Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: Sallas on August 19, 2012, 03:09:51 PM

Title: So alone, so lost
Post by: Sallas on August 19, 2012, 03:09:51 PM

Its been a couple of months since Ive been here, not because ive been ok but because i havent been this bad. Im scared together, i can see nothing ahead of me, the want to check out is over whelming, i aksed for help last night and nothing. I dont know where today is going to take me. I hit rock bottom again, i know ive brrn here before but this time is different ive tried everything to make myself better and nothing what it comes down to is I just want to be loved, liked, wanted and thats out of my control, its out of everyones control so it cant be fixed. I just want to go now, stop the gut wrenching pain in my stomach, the uncontrolable tears and the fear of life.
I dont want it to be this way but im so lost and alone today.

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Sallas on August 19, 2012, 03:23:19 PM

The word help keeps going through my mind, why dont people help, i musnt be worth it
I just want to be ok.

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Zaf on August 19, 2012, 04:04:46 PM

Who did you ask to help Sallas?

Z xx

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Sallas on August 19, 2012, 04:18:03 PM

Two friends but they where too busy to come over.

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Zaf on August 19, 2012, 04:20:40 PM

Could they ave been genuinely too busy?

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Sallas on August 19, 2012, 04:27:39 PM

I dont know but if someone rang me crying asking for help id drop what i was doing. Last night was life or death to me & they were busy you know? People are forever saying u have to ask for help but when u do and dont get it whags next? Im so low today my body aches from being alive.

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Zaf on August 19, 2012, 04:31:07 PM

Have you thought of phoning the samaritans?

Z xx

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Sallas on August 19, 2012, 04:34:04 PM

I rang them once but they couldnt really help, i got the standard go to ur gp is there someone u can call.

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Zaf on August 19, 2012, 04:38:29 PM

I suppose there is a limit to what they can do, have you tried your out of hours doctors service?

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Sallas on August 19, 2012, 04:45:01 PM

No to be honest i dont trust drs i dont know & i think right now if i saw a dr i would be admitted straight away. Im in a bad place today. I cant be admitted i need to keep work going to pay the rent etc thats if i keep going.Im going to try ride it out til i can see a dr i know, ive taken tomorrow off and im gonna just try and hide away till then. Im just venting to take my mind off the overwhelmng need to start counting pills. Wish there was a place u could just go check in for a night get to talk to a dr, get a decent nights sleep and cud walk away abit better.

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Zaf on August 19, 2012, 04:46:29 PM

I think many of us wish that :(

When can you get to see your doctor?

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Sallas on August 19, 2012, 04:57:46 PM

Wednesday. Seems like a lifetime away. Im not sure how ill get there, tonight it scaring me. Ive been here i know how close ive got. Im not sure of how to survive it, if i even want to. If i get to wednesday ill still have the same crapy life but just mayb with an extra drs bill and maybe one for tabs. I just wish someone would come sit with me for a little while just so i dont feel so alone. I just wish someone would understand how much it hurts.

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Zaf on August 19, 2012, 05:00:52 PM

I dont think anyone understands unless they've been through it themself  %^%

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Sallas on August 19, 2012, 05:06:12 PM

We have had friends check out early and the amount of times ive heard people say if only we could have done something if only we knew & here i am screaming at the top of my lungs i need help and nothing. I dont think they believe how close i am, i dont think anyone cares enough to even give it a second thought. I dont want to die but i dont know how to live, i cant keep going like this and im not brave enough to go to a hospital and say u need to stop me from hurting myself, so where does that leave me.

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Zaf on August 19, 2012, 05:08:01 PM

I think somehow you need to find the courage to go to the hospital  %^%

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Sallas on August 19, 2012, 05:08:59 PM

Its just not an option

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Zaf on August 19, 2012, 05:10:43 PM

Is it possible to tell your own doctor how bad you are?

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Sallas on August 19, 2012, 05:17:21 PM

Ive no money until during the week

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Zaf on August 19, 2012, 05:21:25 PM

Could you ring the surgery Monday and speak to him to tell him how bad you are?   We can do that at our surgery

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Sallas on August 19, 2012, 06:21:17 PM

No they dont accept calla or delayed payments ive tried before. Im sp calm now its scary i think im really slipping, ive had about ten showers to keep mind of everything but ifs come back to do i want to be hear tomorrow?

Title: Re: So alone, so lost
Post by: Sallas on August 19, 2012, 11:38:49 PM

Why is nighttime so much harder. Im so scared of me. Im exhausted from crying today. Wudnt it be nice just to wake up and be happy. I cant remember the last time i was honest to god happy. Or where i had fun. A moment i was relax or content even. I need a day off feom being me, how do u let it all go, just even for a day...