Depression Forums
Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: Willowrose on June 09, 2010, 11:55:29 PM
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Hello. I'm new here and I thought I'd join because I'd like someone to talk to.
The past few months (maybe even the past year) have been very tough, but recently its got worse. I seem to be really down a lot of the time. I've stopped going out and there are days when I won't leave the house, or I'll think about it and then decide against it. My sleeping pattern is dreadful and I cry myself to sleep. I can't seem to get up in the morning. I'm skipping meals too.
I'm moving house soon and I'm dreading it as I'll be living with someone else who is a very good friend (I am currently in a student house and don't leave my room much.)
I've alienated myself from most of my friends and I feel like if I walk into a room no one would notice me.
I haven't had a proper relationship for two years and any guy I've 'been with' since then has soon vanished and found someone else. I feel as if they can't be bothered to make the effort with me. I really want a serious relationship but I keep getting rejected.
I live about 5 hours away from my family and I miss them, but they'll never understand why I can't 'snap out of it'.
I'm just finishing university and am having gap years to save up for a postgraduate but I'm terrified that I won't get a job because I'm not good enough. At the minute I feel as if I'm not going to achieve anything.
I could really do with some advice. x
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Hi Willowrose
I'm new too so we can be newbies together and make us feel less vulnerable.
You sound a lot like where I am at the moment even though I am a man in my late 30's and you are a woman in your early 20's. I'm probably not the best person to give advice as I only got the guts up this morning to talk to my doctor about the way I have been feeling for 18 months. I think you forget about trying for a serious relationship for now. You need to take that pressure off yourself. I think moving in with your friend will help a lot as it will ease the loneliness and the interaction will help you get out of yourself more. As for your family I would say that if you have a sibling they would probably understand more than an older generation member of the family that dealt with issues differently. On the job front maybe the friend you will be moving in with can start putting out feelers on your behalf.
Also you should take advantage of the student counselling service while you are still at University.
http://www.student.counselling.co.uk/ (http://www.student.counselling.co.uk/)
Take care and I'm here if you need to talk.
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Hi darren_71,
thanks for your reply :) Well done for getting yourself to the doctors. I've never had the guts to go, I always heard bad things about some GPs and paitents with depression.
I love my friend to bits, but I'm just worried that my moodswings will get in the way of things. It's been easy in my student house because everyone keeps themselves to themselves pretty much, but with my friend (and also because we have the same career) we're always together, I'm so worried that things will be difficult.
My younger sibling understands, but all he can say is to stop worrying and relax. Which is very easy for him because he's a very laid back person.
My friend has said that she will try and get me a job where she works, but it's up to me until then. Another friend of mine has also stopped talking to me quite abruptly which is quite upsetting :-[
I seem to be going from one extreme to the other with my moods and it's driving me insane! &*(
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Hi Willowrose
Thanks for the encouragement. I have a had an uninterested GP in the past and that is one of the reasons why it took me so long this time to go. It was my first visit to my a new doctor and he seems very nice.
Has your friend seen your moodswings? If they have then hopefully they are prepared and understanding. If not then you should make them aware before you move so not to wreck you friendship. You should try getting some agreement of how you both will deal with them. Also you should talk to them about not having sudden changes in your relationship. Like at first they will be overly excited that you have moved in and will be wanting to spend lots of their spare time with you but after a while that will naturally decline and this could leave feeling abandoned and resentful towards you friend.
Sorry that the suggestion of talking to a sibling has failed. Are you going home after Uni? I think if you can go back for a week at least it would be beneficial. You could ask to have a kind of family meeting where you get raise you problems. Start off by saying that you have some issues that you really need there help with but it will only make things worse if they just say snap out of it. It takes that option away from them then. Emphasise how this will be the most important time in your life that you will need their support. They might also be able to help with the job. I know that they live a long way away but they may know someone, who knows someone that knows someone else that maybe able to hook you up where you are going to live. Long shot I know but remember the six degrees of separation rule that everyone on earth is six steps away from someone else.
Sorry to hear that another friend of yours dropped you abruptly. Its horrible and I know the feeling all too well. I recently bumped into someone that done that to me about 12 years ago. After a brief period of pleasantries he stressed not to ask to keep in touch. So it might be that friend of yours is gone for good too.
If you don't mind me asking what range is you moodswings? For me it is despair to a kind of numbness. Probably not the biggest swing but I'm either one or the other (usually the former :'( )
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That's great you've found a doctor who understands...I think that's half the battle.
My friend has seen my moodswings, yes. I don't explode or anything, I just go really quiet. But I think that once I am fully moved in I will have my room to retreat to if need be.I'm hoping to get a job sometime soon which will mean I'm out of the house and doing my own thing. It's always easier when our other friend pops round because it means I can get on with other things and still be in their company.
I'm not going home after uni...I'm actually heading off to Oz for a month which I hope will turn things around. I'm travelling the whole country pretty much and I'm praying it will give me a completely new perspective on things.
I cut my friendship with 2 friends back home recently, because I only ever heard from them when they wanted to come and stay and go out and get drunk every night. There was never any thanks or texts in between visits. As for the friend who's not talking to me...basically I wanted a relationship and he didn't. But he wanted all the perks of one. I haven't seen him much as he lives about 3 hours away so we mostly speak online and text. He's decided not to speak to me anymore, which is a bit of a kick in the teeth as he seemed the most genuine man I've ever met. Oh well. Guess not.
My moodswings usually range from being quite content to downright moody and miserable. The other night I cried myself to sleep with my iPod on full blast because I just couldn't handle it. :-[
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^&* to you both,
I'm incredibly business at work so doing my best to try and keep track here *()
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I think the trip to Oz will help you. All those new adventures and experiences in a different environment will give the chance to take your mind off your problems. Time to clear your head and reflect then maybe treat your return as a fresh start. If you can pick up a bit of the Aussie attitude towards people that would be great to. You seem to be a bit of a magnet to people taking advantage of your good nature and an Aussie does not give a vibe off that they can be used.
If you focus on your travels when you start to feel down it may help stop you spiraling down even if it means getting up out of bed to read about places or just look at some of the amazing places you are going to see. Try to get excited about the trip but don't put yourself under the pressure that it will sort you out.
PS. Thanks for the welcome Ezel
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I do seem to have a magnet for attracting bad people. I think that is contributing to my feelings too.
I was at work today and I just felt really stupid. All because I didn't know someone and they just assumed I knew who they were! I'm once again in the safety of my room. I'm really becoming a recluse :(
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P.S. Hello Ezel
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Don't feel stupid over this. Someone's ego was large enough to assume that everyone knows who they are and that has put you in a position where you feel awkward and embarrassed that you didn't. A lot of the time people are so wrapped up in themselves that they don't see or understand what they are doing to us more vulnerable people.
Try to see the escaping to your room not as a negative but just a coping mechanism for now. Your not being reclusive just taking timeout somewhere safe. Everyone needs a place where they can feel less affected by people. It's just some need it more than others and you need it more at this time in your life.
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I managed to get out and go up to town today. It's a beautiful day, but I still feel safer in my room.
How are you today darren_71?
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Hi
I'm so glad you managed to get out today. I had the best nights sleep I have had in ages last night and took my first Citalopram this morning. I've got zero appetite and am quite lethargic. I have not cried since I have seen the doctor but just got a numb to everything state of mind which is the best it gets for me at the moment. Even though it looks lovely out I think I'll stay in today.
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Hi Willowrose, im sorry to hear that you feel the way you do. I would reccomend talking to a proffesional but im not one to talk really. Remember we are all here to support each other. I hope things start to improve, i really do.
In my thoughts, Jess xxx
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Hi darren_71,
I'm so pleased you slept well :) That's a great start, did you feel any different for it? I was a lovely day but I decided to stay in after I went to town as well. It's not so nice today so I'm going to stay in again. How're you feeling today?
Hi Jess,
Thanks for your lovely message :) How are you feeling today?
x
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Hi Willowrose
Yes it was nice to get a good night sleep but I did not really feel any different for it mentally but I'm sure it would have done my body good. I did not sleep too well last night :-[ but I don't think consistency will by my watchword for a while. I had a little bad spell earlier and had a little cry. I've not eaten today as yet or ventured outside myself but I will try to have some food later.
How are you feeling today?
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Hi darren_71,
how are you feeling today? Did you manage to get out the house today?
It turns out my friend thought that I wasn't talking to him and that's why he wasn't talking to me. We may still be chatting etc but that's all we'll ever be. I think that's more of a kick in the teeth than anything really :(
I managed to get out to uni today and go to Yoga. I'm feeling quite lonely now though :(
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Hi and welcome to all the newcomers.... %^&
Keep those posts coming, its what its all about....
+=-
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Hi Willowrose
How are you today? I'll give a big virtual hug to help with your feeling of loneliness %^&.
I had a virus for the last few days but the upside being that I have slept a lot and have been a bit foggy headed so I have not been really low and getting upset. Maybe I should just stay sick. I'm going to make the effort to go to work tomorrow as it is someones last day and I really get on well with him so it will be my last chance to see him.
It is a shame about your friend and if it is too upsetting just being friends then it might be best to distance yourself from him. Please try to be guarded where he is concerned because the last thing you need is him picking you up and dropping you whenever he feels like it.
I'm glad you managed to get out and go Uni and Yoga. Was anyone friendly at Yoga or was you isolated by established cliques?
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Hi Mark
Thanks for the welcome. Hopefully we can all get through this together.
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Hi darren_71,
thanks for the virtual hug. I'll send you one too %^&
I'm sorry to hear that you've been unwell. I hope you feel better. Perhaps it has helped you to catch up on some sleep. Did you manage to get into work today?
I'm sleeping terribly. I'm falling asleep very late and waking up very late too. It's not doing me any favours and I think it's making me even more tired. I managed to get up to town today to get a few bits and I did feel OK because it was lovely weather. I've been feeling lonely and down again since I got back though. I keep hoping my friend will change his mind about me and I'm statying logged in on networking sites for hours on end in the hope that he talks to me. He never does though unless I start the conversation and even then he doesn't have much to say in reply. I really want to just delete him and walk away but I can't... &*( What do I do?? I'm such a fool and I feel like such an idiot for letting myself get hurt again.
I'm supposed to be going out with my housemate tonight for drinks, but the way I'm feeling, I'll just end up getting wasted. Which is not a good attitude to have at all. I had a message from another friend last night and he was only after one thing. At the minute, it feels like that is all I'm good for, especially after the way the other friend has treated me. It feels like no one can be bothered with me, as a person... :(
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P.S. Hello to Mark %^&
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Hiya Willowrose, im not so good but i will manage i suppose. I hope your ok. Speak to you soon xxx
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Hi Willowrose
I am feeling a bit better and even managed to pop into town myself to get a few bits but that was out of necessity rather than anything else. I am planning on going back to work tomorrow (Thursday) and some people are going to a pub after work so I may go if I feel well enough (and brave enough :-\).
As for your friend, it may not be what you want to hear and I may be wrong, it sounds like he is not interested and probably never will be but I think you know that already. As for the other guy he sounds a dog and you should steer well clear. Maybe a night out away from the social networking sites is just what you need and a good drink slagging these guys off to your housemate could help. There are nice guys out there that will see and like you for the person you are but you are just attracting the wrong ones at the moment.
If you do go out then enjoy yourself &^%.
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Hi Jess
Why are you not feeling so good? Anything you would like to say please do as we are here to listen and are going through a bad time ourselves so we can empathise.
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Hi darren_71,
how are you today? Did you make it into work and to the pub? I hope so :)
You're right about my friend. I'm talking to him less and less which is good I think. As for the 'dog' I ignored him. I worth more than that. My night out was good. Just me and my housemate who completely understands me. We got quite drunk and ended up in a jazz club which was actually very soothing. I've been able to focus on my singing more in the past couple of days too. The rubbish thing now though is that I've got a cold :(
I have to work today and tomorrow but I'm really not in the mood to face people. I need the money though :(
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Hi Jess,
how are you feeling today? I'd like to help you if I can. xx %^&
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Hi Willowrose
Hope you are feeling better and it was not too bad for you at work. Sounds like you had a enjoyable night out and hopefully that did you some good. It is also great that you have been able to focus on your singing. What type of singing do you do?
I went to work Thursday and made the effort to go to the pub. I did not drink because I was still not feeling 100% but had a good time anyway :). I had Friday off work and have slept or laid around most of yesterday and today. Can seem to get motivated to do anything. Hopefully I feel different tomorrow.
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Hi darren_71,
How have you been? Sorry I've not been on here in a while. It's been manic moving house and settling in etc.
How are things with you?
I'm OK. Not so good today. I feel a bit like the third wheel in my new house :(
I'm off to Oz next week so I'm really hoping that I'll come back with a new perspective on things. I stayed at a friend's house the night before last and well, I probably won't hear anything more from him...Why do I ALWAYS do this to myself?! :'(
How are you Jess??
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Hi Willowrose
Glad to hear from you and you don't have apologise for not posting on here recently. It is a shame that you don't feel comfortable in your new house and hopefully over time that will change. It would be nice if you hear from your friend again but don't stay logged into facebook for hours this time it just make you feel worse.
I was doing better until the last few days when I let my ex get to me again. She always does the same when she breaks up with a guy. She wants someone she can vent her frustrations out on for a few days and I am an easy target because I take it. Then she spends a day or two being friendly but somehow twisting things so she gets reassurance that she did not do anything wrong in her relationship that just ended and giving her confidence a boost. I then don't hear from her for a while again leaving me feeling used and worthless. I don't know why I allow her to do this to me &*(.
I have not been going out much still except for work. I don't know if it is the tablets but I have not been feeling really low lately and just kind of going through the motions.
I hope to hear from you before you go but if not have a wonderful time in Oz and hopefully you will get that fresh perspective.