Depression Forums
Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: CharleysAngel' on July 06, 2012, 10:28:47 PM
-
I don't know what to do. I can't get the right treatment and I am told I don't have depressions. But then I can never tell anyone the truth about what's going on inside my head. I can't tell the counsellor or anyone at school that I deliberately don't eat, have self harmed and thought about suicide, because it will end up getting back to my parents. They then have a go at me saying I am accusing them of being bad parents. I can't tell my doctor because she will have me referred back to CAMHS and then my parents will find out through them. Its not fair, I think I have a right to keep these things secret from my parents and no one respects that :'(
-
Oh Icelolly %^% %^% %^% %^%.
S x x x x
-
Bless you IceLolly. I'm so sad to read that. Don't have anything to suggest either. Sorry. %^% %^%
-
Sending you loads of %^% I just wish we could do more to help you. Have you specifically asked your GP and counsellor not to tell your parents? I know you're not an adult yet but you are old enough to have your wishes respected, it seems crazy that you can't get the help you need xxx
-
I'm surprised they're allowed to tell your parents IceLolly, I think you should get them to agree not to tell your parents, they cant help you if they dont know he whole truth
Z xx
-
dear icelollyx
i have just had a quick look and i'm sorry i don't know how to post a link but if you look at the bbc health site (patient confidentiality for teenagers) and it clearly says that unless it is an exceptional circumstance they have to respect your privacy to the point you are not even obliged to tell the receptionist why you need an appointment i hope this helps if you can't find it if someone could chisel instructions on how to post a link on a stone tablet i will try my best to do it
-
Hi Icelolly
I am not sure how old you are but last year my then 16 year old was referred to CAMNs by the school nurse when it came to light that he had been self harming (which I was totally unaware of) and, yes I was informed but I was not allowed to be in on any of his appointments at CAMHs as my son didn't want me to know anything. Very upsetting and difficult from my point of view but I had to respect how he felt so that he could get the help he needed.
I desperately wanted to understand why he was self harming........I will probably never know but his time under CAHMs seems to have helped him hugely. Get the help you need....tell CAHMs you don't want your parents involved, they don't have to be.
-
Thanks everyone xx
The school told my parents, I asked them not to and they knew how upset I got when my form tutor threatened to tell them while I was away on the school trip. Still they managed to twist it so I agreed to let them tell my parents, I think they should have left it when I said I didn't want them to know. If I tell the counsellor she will probably contact someone in the school who will then probably contact my parents. She said that if she thought I was in any danger she would tell someone.
My doctor is the only one who seems to really respect the fact that I don't want to tell my parents, but I'm never going back to CAMHS again, and that's what she will do. When I was there the man talked down at me and made me feel like I was lying or that he was making fun of me. His only advice was 'take more risks' which was completely unhelpful as I am too nervous to take risks in life :(
-
Icelolly ..I have you disagree with your GP on the depression front. You have suicidal thoughts and you have self harmed. These are both clear signs of depression, whether it is clinical or otherwise. You are also feeling terribly down about all of this. However, your GP wont be able to know how bad you are really feeling if she doesn't know the truth.
I do think that your progress is being hindered due to your age and that you are not being taken seriously. You might not like what I am going to say, but I am going to say it anyway. Feel free to disagree:
Is it genuinely realistic that if you report these symptoms that your parents they will accuse you of saying they are bad parents? This doesn't seem like a rational or a logical response at all. If they do react this way it is they who are in the wrong, not you.
Regardless of your age you are now in a position in which you have to make an adult decision. You claim to have thoughts of suicide and you have self harmed. Therefore this situation is serious. Your health is suffering and this must be treated seriously. You will not get the correct treatment unless you report truthfully the situation.
If your parents do find out, will they really get angry? And if they do get angry is it because they don't like you or is it because they are concerned? Have you done anything wrong by telling the truth? - is this punishable? Also, do you think your parents would want their daughter to have suicidal thoughts and self harm and suffer in silence?
Lets imagine that you do tell the truth, you report the suicidal thoughts and self harm. The GP hopefully takes you more seriously and you get better access to health care, which it appears you need badly. However, this may cause problems at home. It shouldn't do, and if it does then your parents are in the wrong, but it might do if what you think is correct.
If you don't tell you the GP, then you avoid potential problems with your parents, but your depression doesn't get taken seriously, and you continue to get inappropriate support, and the feelings of misery continue.
I am not telling you what you should do...you need to make a sensible decision.
Seriously think about what I've said. I don't know you or your parents, but think about my perspective and consider it. Please write back and say what you think the best decision is. You said in your post that if you report the truth you parents will have a go. Is it an choice between telling the truth and avoiding an argument at home? What decision will result in you feeling better...telling the truth but risk having your parent get cross, or suffering in silence?
Also...at the CAHMS a man talked down to you and made you feel bad. Now you say you will never go back again. Do you really think this is a wise choice? One bad experience doesn't mean that everyone their will be like that. I have had bad experiences with my team and they treated me like I was an idiot, but it eventually worked out well for me. CAHMS may be the best and most effective way for you to access support, don't close doors to your available options....you need to get better so keep your options open. I would be tempted to give CAHMS another shot.
I know I can come across as being a stern and severe...its just the way I am. I think your a smart and brave girl, and I hope you get all these problems sorted soon.
Take care,
Steve XX
-
Thanks Steve x
If my parents were to find out how I was really feeling they would say I was accusing them of being bad parents. That's if they even believe me in the first place. I put on a brave face and try to pretend I am ok most of the time to save getting moaned at. If I went and told them that I have cut myself and I have suicidal thoughts they probably would accuse me of lying and say its all an act for attention.
I just feel that I can't tell anyone because I am scared that my parents will find out. I know that the best decision would be to tell the GP so that I can get the treatment I need eventhough it will end in a row with my parents. But saying that there is no guarentee that I will get the treatment I need. I can't tell my doctor because I feel too ashamed of myself and she will just refer me back to CAMHS, the man who assessed me there does all the first time assessments so I will end up having to see him again. He made me feel so humiliated and even though there were things that were serious and I should of told him but I couldn't. He made me feel extremely uncomfortable and I thought that as soon as my mum came through that door he was going to tell her everything I had just said. Plus when the letter came through for my appointment it was addressed to my parents and not to me. That was so unfair, they knew nothing about it and I wanted to keep it that way. They don't deserve to know about anything like this because they treat me in such a way that I don't want them to know :'(
Sorry its a bit jumbled I'm very tired
-
Icelolly, i think Steve has given you some great advice.
I started suffered from depression 17 years ago when i was a teenager. Even though there is still some stigma attached to depression today, when i was a teenager it was worse. I had had suicidal thoughts, but didnt self harm. I managed to hide myu depression for many years, though at that time even i hadnt recognised it as depression. I was worried about my parents and family finding out. What would they think, would they believe me??Luckily i have very supportive parents and they support me, but they dont understand depression, they have never suffered.
Your parents might have a go, they might not believe you, they might say you want attention. But look at how the worry about telling them is affecting you? Surely its better they know. You could take them to docs appts or show they details about depression so they can start to learn. At the end of the day they brought you into this world and i cannot imagine (even though i am not a parent yet) not wanting my child to be happy and doing every thing in my power to support my child. I am sure your parents have that somewhere inside them.
You can and WILL get better, but i have learnt through my journey the more people who know the better! You need people around you during the illness, it can be extremely debilitating and lonely. What i am trying to say though is there is still a great stigma surrounding depression and i believe that the more we talk out about how we are feeling the better, it will open up peoples awareness about the illness.
I have struggled for many many years trying to get the support i need. Up until about 8 weeks ago i was still working full time. When i visited the doc in Jan to say i was going downhill and needed support i was sent away and told to wait for an appt. I then waited 5 months for an appt with the mental health team. I had to go through an assessment process and spend lots of time waiting despite having been there less than a year ago. Then in May i had 2 appts. One with a consultant who i had never met before and after half an hour in a room with him he decided i just needed to talk about things, i wasnt that depressed and my meds didnt need adjusting. The second was with a nurse who quite frankly was rude, unhelpful and put my depression down to my relationship, which cant be the case because i suffered before i even met my partner. I never went back to see her. I was totally lost. Knowing i was sinking further and further and the help i had waited months for was absolutely dreadful. I decided to pay privately which i couldnt really afford, but was desparate. Anyway it has turned out well. The psychairtrist i was going to pay doesnt want me to, she feels i have been let down by the NHS and is willing to see me in her own time, which i think is amazing and i am very lucky. During my first appt she increased my medication and after a couple of meetings with her, my life fell apart and i have now been off work for 8 weeks and prob wont return until sept. So much for what the first consultant said huh! And i made a cry for help in Jan, all this could have been avoided.
BUT what i am trying to say here is that i have had some good experiences and some bad experiences in terms of the support offered and if i had gotten the right support many years ago, i dont believe i would be where i am today, still suffering. PLEASE dont waste anymore of your life worried about your parents reactions. YOU NEED HELP!! If that means them finding out, so be it. I have suffered for many years because i have not wanted to tell people about how i feel, i find it hard to share. But knowing what i do now, i wish i had been like this 15years ago, then it might not still be affecting my life so badly today.
Please get help IceLolly, just be brutally truthful with everyone and get the support and help you need. xx
-
Thanks for your advice woozy, I really appreciate it xx
I am seeing the counsellor tomorrow but I don't think I am going to tell her. She is in too close contact with the school and they don't seem to respect my wishes. They may think that telling my parents how I am feeling is for the best but I really don't think it is.
I am going to wait until I see my GP again, that should be next week or end of this week depending on the bloodtest results. I am going to speak to her about it and see what she says. I know that she understands better about the relationship with my mum and has never pushed that I should tell her. I will explain to her about CAMHS because we never really discussed it much.
-
I think it is a good idea to tell your GP. I also think its a good idea to see the CAMHS. If that man humiliates you, sod him...the end goal is that you speak to someone who genuinely can help you, and I believe CAMHS is the road to go down. I think you would be also wise to tell your GP that yourfeel as though you cannot be honest with them because you fear the response.
Also, try not to feel ashamed...there is no shame in any of this, many a great person has been through this kind of thing.
Steve XX
-
%^% Icelolly, I think that you really need to tell your GP everything and trust her. I know that we always say this on here, but you need to make a list of it all before you go and see her, and don't leave until you have discussed everything you want to %^% xxx
-
Thanks Kate xx
I will make a list to take with me. Its just so diffcult to talk about it with anyone. I feel so ashamed of myself :( everyone who knows about it, the doctor, counsellor etc. Thinks that I have been doing so well mentally when really I have just been putting on a brave face most of the time because of the problems it causes at home. I'm scared that she won't believe me :'(
-
Icelolly you are not alone. I think most here have felt ashamed of the way we feel. Also we put on a brave front to all. If you can you need to be honest with your Dr. So you can get the help you need and deserve. %^%. S x x x x