Depression Forums
Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: Maddymoo on May 10, 2012, 11:37:23 AM
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I hate feeling like this. It's leeching the life out of me. I've had an absolutely &$%+e week, I don't want to do anything and it's taking what little energy I have to do the basics of looking after my children. I think perhaps my citalopram has stopped working because I felt fab at my last Meds check two months ago, but since then I've been downhill. Hate being like this, everything is too much effort, even sometimes little things like putting the milk back in the fridge. How lazy is that?!
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Is it just an off week? If it persists it would be a good thing to go back to your gp. I know what its like - there are loads of things here I could get on with but I just can't find it in me to do it. I usually make myself go out for a walk everyday - that sometimes helps. I forced myself to paint the kitchen last week - I did not get far but when I got going it felt better. Depression does sap your motivation and takes away any get up and go you have. You're not the only one.
OD
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Thank you, I've been slowly feeling worse over the last few weeks if I'm honest, but I'm at the docs on Tuesday so I'm gonna talk to him. Just want to be happy again :(
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Hope your GP can do something. It's awful that this illness takes so much from us &*(
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I know, I worry what kind of life I'm giving my children
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You sound a very caring person so I'm sure you're giving them a good life.
I hate this illness too, looking back its taken years away from me :(
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I hope I am, I know things could be so much better though
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So feel for you, depression has taken so much of my life too. I was also on Citalopram and it stopped working for me, so my phych dr changed my meds. So its worth having a chat about changing when you see your dr.
S x x
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I'm only on 20mg so it may just be that the dose needs upping. I've had to tell my close family and friends just how low I feel right now, it's no good trying to get by on my own.
Maddy
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I find 20mg too low for me so its possible you need a higher dose
Z xx
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Thank you everyone xx
Maddy
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I don't even know what the point of me being here is anymore, I can't look after my children properly, my partner is doing practically everything because I just can't, and I can barely tolerate their voices for more than a few minutes before inside my head I am saying 'shut up!!!' what kind of mother does that make me?
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You have to remember that depression is an illness. All it makes you is a sick mother, not a bad one.
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Tell that to my kids, they must be able to tell I can't be doing with them, how awful must they feel :( can't wait to go to the docs tomorrow
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Children are more resiliant than you think. How old are they? Try and explain that you're not well at the moment.
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They are 10, 9, 5 and 21 months. I can't tel the 10 yr old as he is my stepson (he lives here full time) and I don't want his horrible mother finding out, and my daughter (9 yr old) will worry herself silly about it. I care enough that I don't want to burden them, and I tell them I love them everyday, but I just don't see what good I am to them at the mo. I've never actually felt this bad before, it's a shock
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Telling them you love them each day is good. Knowing you are loved is the most important thing for a child. My mother went through some bad times when I was around 11 to 15, (not helped by me and my sisters), and she never told us about it. I wish she had. We knew something was wrong. She would go out for long walks at night and this was around the time and place the Yorkshire ripper was about. I was worried she would never come home. We always knew she loved us regardless of how moody she was.
I've had depression a few times and each time it comes it's a shock.
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Hi Maddymoo
I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. I have 4 children, they're 8,7,4 and 3. I know exactly what you mean about how they're voices are difficult to put up with. I feel so awful and as you do wonder what sort of mother am I? I really hate the way I feel and all I want to do is make my children happy.
I've been in a depressive episode since October last year, it's been an absolute nightmare. They all seem perfectly happy though. My husband also does virtually everything as I really can't cope with things. The way I deal with the constant talking when it's driving me made is to close my eyes and breath out slowly, this just helps me to calm down so I don't end up shouting.
Love Buttercup xxx
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I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this (not that I'm saying I'm glad others are ill!). Wow, since October, that's a long time, I do hope you feel better soon
Thank you everybody
Maddy
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I, know what you mean. I'm bipolar so its a bit odd, I can't take anti depressants, so it's just playing around with mood stabilisers.
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I can relate to all that you say. I have 3 children 11,9,6 years old. I have been in this episode of severe depressive illness since May 2010 and I am desperate. I am totally detatched now ( officially dissociated ) and I have no feelings :( My children are great but I know that my illness has and continues to have an impact on them. Thankfully, my husband has stepped into the breach for the practical things .But to be honest, I feel I have lost 2 years of my life but more importantly 2 years of their lives - ones I can't replace.
On a brighter note children are quite resiliant and I have talked with each of mine about "mummy" being poorly to assure them that it is nothing to do with them or their behaviour.
It's a tough one. Hang in there.
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Thank you for all our supportive words, I know I'm nowhere near as bad as others! The doctor has just doubled my dose to 40mg and wants to see me in a month so hopefully things will improve
Maddy
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Hopefully that will help, my friend didn't see much improvement until she was on 40 mg, so fingers crossed it helps you xxx
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I was feeling much better but in the last month I've just crashed, hopefully il improve again now
Maddy
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It's hard work chopping and changing drugs and dosages at first. You just have to stick with it.
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My sister is on 40mg and this works well for her. Hope you see an improvement soon.
Take care
S x x x x
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I'm on 40mg too and it definitely helps
Z x
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Oh good. I'm also going to have to get over my hesitations and discuss it with my children, as my 5 yr old has asked of the doctor is going to make me not grumpy any more :-/ not sure what il say but it has to be done
Maddy
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It's amazing what you can find on the internet ;)
http://depression.about.com/od/Understand/a/How-To-Talk-About-Depression-With-Your-Child.htm
Just realized it about children WITH depression, but I would imagine the same rules apply.
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Oh bless, maybe just try and be as straight forward and simple as you can with them Maddy.
&*(
S x x x x
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Well, I bit the bullet and explained as best I could, and said that the doctor has given me special tablets to make me feel better. I thought it went well, but then this morning my 9 year old said 'are you all better now then?' Doh! Told her it takes a little bit longer than overnight! Bless, I had to laugh lol
Maddy
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Children are so sweet.
I haven't tried to explain to mine yet, so well done. :)
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Well done, it cant be easy
Z xx
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Good for you Maddy, if only the meds worked that way eh?
S x x x x
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Well done for having the chat or at least opening the channels of communication. Ooooh if only someone would come up with an overnight cure ( or even just a pick-me-up?!?)
Hang in there.......
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I know, it would be so much easier if they worked instantly! They understand that it will take a while now, so she has stopped asking if I'm better every morning!
Maddy
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I think we'd all like an instant cure, it takes such a long time for the meds to start taking effect
Z xx
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Its good that they understand that it will take a while for you to get better. Children can be quite resiliant when they need to be.
S x x x x
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They have stopped asking me, although I think I am starting to feel a little better, I can listen to them playing without screaming inside my head 'shut up!!!' so that's an improvement
Maddy
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Its good to hear you are seeing an improvement.
Take care
S x x x x
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Thats definitely an improvemeny :)
Z xx