Depression Forums

Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: Eleanor on April 25, 2012, 11:53:39 PM

Title: I just wanted to tell someone.
Post by: Eleanor on April 25, 2012, 11:53:39 PM

I just want to tell this to someone.

I've been depressed most of my life, and things haven't been good. I've been hospitalised twice, and tried to commit suicide a couple of times.

I've been married for the best part of 20 years, and things haven't been good there, either. I thought my husband was going to leave me, so a couple of weeks ago, I told him to go. And he went. He left like that was what he wanted to do.

I won't go into all the problems we've had over the years, caused by my problems and by his. And if he came back, I don't know if I'd have him back. It might be too late ever to fix things. It might have been too late years ago.

But now I'm on my own, and I mean totally on my own. I'm pretty much stuck in the house for various reasons, including physical medical conditions. And I'm so lonely. And I've started cutting myself again, and I haven't done that for years. They are only scratches, but that's because the knife is blunt. It's only a matter of time before I find something sharper.

There is nothing anyone can do, and I'm not here looking for a solution to my problems. No one can do that, not me, not anyone. I'm stuck here, in this life, this house, this failing body.

I just wanted to say the words, and I just wanted someone to hear them.

I've been to the docs. I can't take anything because of preexisting conditions. He's made an appointment for counselling, that will come through some time in the next year and a half. I can't see anything else that I can do.

So many years. So many times. I don't think I can start again. Not now. I'm too old, too tired.

I just wanted someone to hear me. That's all.

Title: Re: I just wanted to tell someone.
Post by: Beetzart on April 26, 2012, 12:24:49 AM

Hello Eleanor .>,.  You've come to a great place, people are so understanding here.

Sorry to hear about what you are going through.  Hope you find a good counsellor.

 &*(

 

Title: Re: I just wanted to tell someone.
Post by: Sweetpea on April 26, 2012, 08:53:19 AM

Hello Eleanor, and welcome to the forum,

You will not be alone here, we understand depression and anxiety and we will help and advise where we can.

Sounds like you have had a really rough time, and I really feel for you  &*( for you.

S x x

Title: Re: I just wanted to tell someone.
Post by: KateG on April 26, 2012, 12:05:45 PM

Hi Eleanor and welcome to the forum, we're here to listen and help if we can &*(

Kate x

Title: Re: I just wanted to tell someone.
Post by: Zaf on April 26, 2012, 06:34:53 PM

Hi and welcome, everyone will help as much as they can

Z xx

Title: Re: I just wanted to tell someone.
Post by: Henry82 on May 10, 2012, 11:53:32 PM

Hi Eleanor, welcome to the forum. If you feel like writing anything more, there are always people here who will listen. All the best.