Depression Forums
General => Welcome our 'NEW MEMBERS'!! => Topic started by: Half full on March 21, 2012, 02:11:29 AM
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To start with I am not a suffer, but trying to be a carer. My wife had a breakdown in november and was told initial it was depression, but has now been told it is bipolar. I think I could deal with the depression as I could see possibly an end with meds and counselling. The bipolar frightens me.
My wife having bipolar has changed the way I feel about her, I love her more as there is a reason for the rows and need to phone in all the time when i was out the office and other things, it was not her but a different person.
Sorry if I ramble this the second time I have written this as I was timed out last time.
I am finding it difficult to talk about my wife illness with other people, spoke to my brother at the weekend and was in floods. I was crying the first time I wrote, but I think the act of writing has helped me
I have only skirted round the issue with my manager and have mentioned bipolar
I think things came to a head this Morning when I was downstairs with our youngest he is not a good sleeper, and was looking at the forum pages on relationships, I don't think I picked the best ones as there talked of meds not working and couples splitting up, and I did not want that to happen to us.
I spend parts of the bitting my lip to stop the crying in front of the kids, cried in the car on the way to work and spent about ten minutes in car crying and trying to compose myself. I was supposed to go to a pointless meeting but I had said I might be late because my wife was ill. In the end I did not need to go, but it was a good thing as I may have dissolved or told them they were more important things in life. My wife was angry as she says I must get on.
I know that my wife finds comfort in the forum and gives her a place to talk, but all I want to do is to help her, and I don,t always now the right to do it.
I know that my wife wants to talk to people so I bottle up things as I had reactive depression after my father died due to not being to save him when he had a heart attack at home.
With the kids I is a bit busy I can't always give my wife all the time I want, and I am very busy at work till the end of month, and most nights after putting her to bed with her sleeping at ten I work till about one, I should be working now but my computer link is not working. At Easter I will have some time off and we can do something as a family, or if my mother-in-law babysitters just the two of us. I don't thing the late nights are helping my emotions I find to cry anyway, crying buckets when the father returns in the Railway Children.
Today I did something I probably should not have and looked at my wife's journal, not to pry or to judge, but to see how she feels, as I am not there all the time I want to be I know I might be smothering her but I just want to hold her tight in my arms and not let her go, and to protect her from those that don't understand or want. I know I need to learn how did with her moods and together with the right meds and counselling and support she will get though. And maybe something good will come out of the blackness of the breakdown, in that will be able to deal with her past and sort out things and find happiness, in the way I got something out off my depression, in giving up work, going to uni and meeting my wife.
I feel better for writing this and would all like to thank all the people who are giving my wife support, and hopefully if I am feeling down or loss and need some help I will be able to call on you
Sorry it's full of errors but cannot seem to edit more than the window.
Things came to a head this when I was downstairs with our youngest at 3 in the morning, and was reading some of the posts on relationships, I must have picked the
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I also meant to say that in the coming months and possibly years that we need to battle this illness that when I am down, in need of help or just someone to talk to that I can come here and may get it.
If you think what I did was wrong to look at my wife journal then remove me from the forum, but I did it because I want to know how she feels and I love so much that hurts and I can't be without her
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I'm sure your wife loves you very much &*( &*( &*(
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It must be very difficult living with someone that has depression, I have no idea how my husband copes with my mood swings but I do appreciate the way he helps and cares even though I often find it difficult to show it at the time xx
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I do so feel for you, I know its difficult when someone you love and care about is suffering. I also do not know how my hubby has coped with me, but he has and has been brilliant, hugging me when I needed it and leaving me alone when I needed it. All you can do is be there for her. Sometimes we feel the need to unburden ourselves to others that are not family as we find this easier rather than hurting our loved ones more. It is also comforting to be able to talk with people that have the same thoughts and feelings as us.
You sound a loving and caring husband, just bear with your wife, I am sure she loves you as you lover her.
Take care
S x
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Hi Half full, welcome to the forum. You sound like such a lovely caring man and I sincerely hope that you both get through this. We will support you both &*(
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Thank you Kate,shaz, Zaf and buttercup for making me feel welcome.