Depression Forums
General => Welcome our 'NEW MEMBERS'!! => Topic started by: Bubblemama on March 08, 2012, 08:53:21 PM
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Hi.
Don't really know where to start. I am new to forums and not sure how or where to start. I seem to be really weak, low and don't know where to turn to. I am married with 2 children. I am a stay at home mum which I now partly believe is my main problem. I absolutely detest being on my own. My husband is a shift worker and works some extreme shifts which means I am on my own a lot. I have a little bit of history. I had an extremely happy childhood and was extremely close to my dad. When I reached 12 my dad had an affair and left with no prior warning. I was heartbroken and spent 2 years nursing my mum through anorexia and a cancer scare. I got back in contact with my dad at 14 and became close again. At 15 I came home from school to find my mum had left. I was completely alone. I heard nothing from her for 3 years. My grandparents took me in and cared for me. I think my problems may stem from there. I constantly worry my husband will abandon me. I have been having anxiety attacks recently. My dad has been the only person I can talk too. I am now so low I have such a bleak outlook on life. I don't want my children growing up exposed to this. I have refused all medication from my gp as I don't want to take it. Would be nice to hear from someone who has experienced anything like this. Sorry for babbling on x
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I'm not surprised you're depressed and ave feelings of insecurity, may I ask why you dont want to take medication?
Z xx
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It sounds totally understandable that you are suffering with depression. Have you had any counselling to help you deal with the many emotional things that have happened to you.
Oh and .>, to the forum.
S x
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Thank you for your replies. I have always felt that if I took medication it would only mask the problem and.I would.still have to face everything when I came of them. I have considered.counseling but can't afford private counselling. Is it something that I could ask my gp to refer me for?
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I personally think medication can work with other therapy. I take anti-depressants and have counselling. You can get counselling on the nhs which you could ask your dr about. Where I live it would have taken over a year as the waiting list is so long. I go through MIND and its £35.00 per session, but its £15.00 if you are on any benefit. You can negociate with them if you have a low income. They are very helpful you can find your local centre by just entering MIND into your search engine.
Take care
S x
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Thank you for.your reply. I will make an appointment in the morning to see my gp. I have been putting it off all week. I think in a way I am ashamed of feeling like I do. I have always.been a strong person but recently have struggled to see a point in things. I thank u again. All the comments r helping x
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Please don't feel ashamed, you are ill and its nothing to feel ashamed off. I am glad that you are going to make an appointment with your gp. I do hope you get on ok with your appointment.
Take care
S x x
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Hi and welcome to the forum. Hope your GP appointment goes ok
Kate x
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I'd say the same as shaz, medication with counselling works best for me too, there is no shame in being depressed, its an illness, do you think you'd feel the same if you had a heart condition?
Z xxx
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I had the same thoughts on medication as you but after giving it a chance i now believe it can work with therapy very well. Im not a big fan of taking pills with no therapy though.
How would you feel talking to a councilor about these things? The stigma tends to make people feel they are unable to cope on their own and are weak sometimes but its so far from the truth. I see my councilor more of a 'life coach' than anything else and he has really helped me through.
If you see your GP and he has difficulty getting you counciling and you would like to try it then come back to us on here and several of us may be able to suggest organisations that can help you.
Take care.
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Wow thank you everyone for your replies and kindness.
Unfortunately I can't get a gp appointment until Tuesday but still I've made the step of making an appointment which is a big thing for me.
I have considered counselling but it is out of my price range at £40+ per session and I don't qualify for any discounts. I am going to see if my gp can refer me for some kind of help as I have come to realise that I cannot go on like this. I understand I have issues and they need to be addressed. I have had enough of putting on a brave face and forcing a smile so everyone thinks I'm fine and dandy. My dad has been a huge help to me. He's listened, given me advice but he now believes I need a little intervention. I suppose he's fed up of my 3am frantic phonecalls.
Thanks again to everyone who has replied. You r giving me advice which.is going to help me through until Tuesday x
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its a big step to go to the doctor but an important one, its well worth asking for counselling via your GP but sometimes you need to wait a fair amount of time unfortunately, MIND do cheaper counselling and much cheaper if you are unwaged or on a very low income.
I find it useful to take a list of things I need to tell the doctor as when I get in there I'm a blubbering wreck and if the worst comes to the worst I can give him my bit of paper, it might be helpful to do the same, I think several of us do it and it helps quite a bit.
Hope it all goes well Tuesday xxx
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Good luck on Tuesday :)
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Thank you. I have just bought a notebook in order to write down my feelings as I'm sure I'm going to be a blubbering wreck too x
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Good luck for tuesday :)
I'm having CBT counselling through my GP (on the NHS) it took awhile to get an appointment but it's worth it. I've also had a couple of books from the library that have helped me. I was also offered meds (which I took), but the GP was very insistent that I had counselling.
In the meantime, have you tried meditation? it may help when you are feeling anxious. youtube have some nice guided ones:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zh-klfBJlHc
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Hope it goes ok on Tuesday at your dr's appointment. MIND will negociate their rates if you cannot afford the £35.00 even if you are not on benefits. But ask your gp as you may be able to get help through the nhs quite quickly.
S x
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I go to the local MIND in Mansfield, Nottingham and I pay £10/hour. I work full time on a half decent wage too.
Think pricing depends on area you live in, I have found it very useful.
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Thanx again guys for all your replies.
I am now laying in bed next to my sleeping husband wanting to cry and scream. We had a fabulous evening out last.night with some good friends of ours. I was hoping my dark feelings would disappear and I would get a good nights sleep. How wrong was I!?!. Its 5am, we have only been home 3 hours and I'm still wide awake even though I'm thoroughly exhausted. If I was on my own I would be sobbing down the phone to my dad. I just want my husband to wake up an hold me tight and make this all go away but I don't want to burden him with this. I hate this so so much. I feel so desperate now.
I'm sorry for going on a bit. I needed to get my feelings off my chest and currently I feel that here is where I want to do it as people here may know how I'm feeling.
Thanx guys, so much. All your words and help is much appreciated x
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Is it possible to tell your husband how much you need his support Bubblemania?
Z xxx
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I'm not sure Zaf. He does know how I feel as we've discussed it but he believes the whole issue is my issue and only I can resolve it. I love my husband do much it hurts. Some days I want to cling on to him and never let him go. I try and resist the urge of doing this as I don't want to smother him to the point that he feels I'm over the top. My whole fear of him leaving me is one of the overriding factor of my depression I think. I have been abandoned by every person who is supposed to love me so why should he be any different. I'm also finding now that I'm pushing my children away. I can't bare to be around them. Maybe is because I don't want them seeing me at the lowest point of my life. I am now at the point of not knowing how I'm ever going to carry on x
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Its very usual to push people away when depressed Bubblemania, its a shame your husband doesnt realse how much support you need, however much the lovely people in here help it sounds as though you need someone you can get support from 'in the flesh' so to speak.
Z xx
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Thank u Zaf. I believe that I really need counselling now. I'm sorry for pouring my heart out on here. I just gives me a little relief by getting my feelings out in the open. Thank u for all your advice Zaf xxxx
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You never need to apologise about pouring your heart out here Bubblemania, we all understand what its like and we all need support at times.
I have found counselling very useful in conjunction with medication, it would be well worth asking your GP if you feel it would be of benefit to you xxx
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Thanx Zaf. I shall keep that in mind for Tuesday x
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Hey you are not weak. Any person going through a lot in their life will be effected you have taken steps and that's brave . Its a scary time. What I did to help me too it to find out all I can about depression signs syptoms tratments etc. Also the medical side (I'm a nurse so found it easy). The chemicals I. Your brian are loweres because you have not had reason for them to be high. Therefore your brian thinks that's all you need and therefore dosnt produced enough when then better times are here. If you have something wrong with your heart etc. You woudlnt feel as bad. But that is because society needs to change. I am not ashamed of my depression but ashamed of the ignorance around it.counselling also I found invaluable xx
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Last night I hit a new low. In fact, I'm so low I don't see the point anymore.
After spending yesterday relaxing with no children and having quality time with my husband we got all dolled up and went out with our friends. I felt good. Better than I have felt for a long time. We all got talking about things and I began to open up about my past. I then said about how my parents left me when I was growing up. They were shocked to which my husband replied 'that's why she's such a mental case' and started laughing. I wanted to scream, cry and run. That's how he sees me 'a mental case'!!!!.
I can't sleep. I want to be sick!. I want to run!. I'm desperate!
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It seems to me he was trying to lighten the situation, unfortunately rather clumsily, do try to speak to him about it xxx
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I agree with Zaf, men aren't the most thoughtful at times!! Alternatively, that might be the way that he is coping with what is going on, by making light of it. My hubby is very supportive of me but I know that I am inclined to make light of my own situation, sometimes its the only way I manage.
For you &*( &*( &*(
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Hello and .>,
I felt exactly the same about medication...and I was very sceptical.....but it's worked amazingly well for me. In January my GP referred me to the community mental health team....I had an initial assessment and qualify for therapy.....I have my first appt next week....so no long wait for me luckily. But, I guess it's pot luck.
I found the 'mood gym' useful- an online tool that uses CBT. That also helped me when I was right at the start......as did the forum. :)
&*( xx
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hi guys.
Just wanted to ask u a quick question. Has anyone tried counselling over the phone?
The reason I ask is because I have just found out via my medical insurance policy that I have access to a counselling hot line 24/7.
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The Nhs cbt is done over the phone in my area. I found it strange, it wasn't personal enough for me. I really struggled after the sessions as you just put the phone down and that was that, only I was left with too many emotions that I couldn't cope with.
That's just my experience though.
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Thank u buttercup. I'm going to phone the hotline today for some help and tomorrow I go to see my gp to hopefully be referred for some counselling. Also can I ask at your lowest point did u keep a diary?
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sorry for butting in but I kept a diary when I was feeling bad, it helped me to look back and realise that I was making progress, it also helped me to tell the dr or mental health team how I had been feeling.
S x
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no I havent but if its free on your insurance it might be worth a try
Z xx
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Sorry, for not getting back sooner. No I don't really keep a diary, I have often thought about it though. I'm waiting for a referral at the moment and dependant on that I may be lucky enough to receive face to face conselling on the NHS, the waiting list isn't to bad either.
I hope the phone session goes well for you &*( &*(
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Thank u everyone for your replies. I have now started a diary and have also made the step of speaking to a counseller over the phone. Today is gp day. I have a lot of things written down ready to talk things through. Yesterday was a good day. The best day I had had for a long while.
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Thats good to hear. You sound positive which is lovely to hear.
S x
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great to hear yesterday was a good one :) xxx
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Do u know what shaz I do feel positive. I don't know why or how but I do. Today my best friend is taking me out to lunch whilst my husband is at work. Its going to break up my day. I'm taking each day as it comes. I'm not looking too far ahead and just dealing with the present. I spent all morning yesterday out of the house. I went to my local town and window shopped and had a coffee. It made coming home a little more bearable knowing that I had housework to do and that I was.going to.be busy with mummy duties then my husband would be home. I even slept for 5 hours last night. Amazing achievement for me.
I just want to thank everyone for all your comments, help, advice and kindness. U don't know how much u have pulled me through recently. I know I'm going to have bad days again and I'm sure I'm going to be on here for some more help but I'm going to cherish these good days whilst they last xxxx
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So pleased for you and you also understand that you may have bad days as well as the good ones. Someone once told me its like baby steps and do not look to far ahead.
Take care
S x
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Thanx Shaz. As luck would have it I'm actually having a tearful day today. Weather is a little miserable so May be a factor. Spending the morning with my husband before he goes to work then in going to go to the park with my son. I'm just hoping this evening on my own will be a gentle one and I'm sure my dad will be around for some words of wisdom x
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Cloudy here too, think it definately effects my mood. Hope you have a lovely time at the park, sure your son will love it.
Take care
S x
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Morning.
After a bit of help today. I have been a member for a week now and.was.wondering how I can post my daily feelings and struggles on here. I can't keep.writing them on my original message that.I posted last week. Do I start a journal?
Many thanks x
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Yes you can start a journal in that section or if you want it to be more privte you can have admission to the member's private space, I can give you access if you want, just let me know.
Z xx
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That would be fantastic Zaf, thank you x
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I'll do it now x
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Found it thanx Zaf x
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Today has started badly. I need to write my problems away x