Depression Forums
Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: Ally on March 02, 2012, 09:22:51 AM
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Does anyone have problems with eating?
I really enjoy food and cooking and eating.
However, over the past week or so, I really only eat because I have to.
After I eat, especially if it's something sweet (cake/chocolate/etc), I actually feel disgusted with myself.
All I seem to be doing is going through the motions. We are going out for a meal tomorrow night with some friends and I really don't want to go as I know that I will clear my plate, then be disgusted with myself again.
I am not making myself sick to expunge what I have eaten, but it is bothering me.
Ally.
:'(
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I comfort eat when I have depression and I hate myself for it, I havent actually ever made myself sick afterwards but have thought about it on a fair few occasions :(
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I hope no one experiences the pain I suffered at the hands of anorexia. It was such a dark, and lonely place, yes, that's right, it is a symptom of depression.
However, I survived, and I can write about this 6 years later, having been in remission the whole time. I am not at all scared that it will return, because I am beginning to concentrate on myself and acknowledge and accept the cause my depression.
If anyone wants to talk to me pm me. I will use the forum, but just for pm. I have a lot of value experience that may help people on here. The man I saw yesterday for my first CBT session suggested I do my postgrad in Clinical Psychology- be like him :).
Ally I pm you
xx
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there is a private space for members to post in if you would like access to it?
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Yes please Zaf, I have lots of friends on here. I want to offer my help. xxx
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I'll do it now supportme, you should see a section called 'our private space' if not pm me and I'll check I did it right!
xx
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Ally - I could have written that post.
When I was first ill with depression I found it very difficult to eat - I was so anxious that my stomach was in knots all the time and I lost weight.
I've never been big, but that feeling of being small and of having that ability to get smaller has stayed with me. I gained back a bit of weight at the end of last year and I hate myself for it. I am terrified now of putting weight on. Everything I eat, I look at all of the nutritional information - I survive on veg, ryvitas and diet coke throughout the day and then feel massively guilty when I eat a 'big' meal - which is probably smaller than a normal portion of food and usually something pretty healthy like a stir fry.
Last week on the way back from our holiday we had a Burger King... It tasted good, but every mouthful I hated myself more and more for - all I could think of was the saturated fat, the calories, the salt.... and yet I still ate it, which I am still disgusted at myself for. When we got home I ate nothing for the rest of the day and I was very strict with myself the next day, almost like I was punishing myself for having something I indulge in once in a blue moon.
I am constantly looking at other people and comparing my size to them. I know I'm not big but I am so scared of getting any bigger. I watch programmes like supersize vs superskinny and find myself fascinated by the issues raised. I also scarily see habits I have relfected in those that eat tiny portions and survive on very little.
xx
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I am sorry, Munchroom. I think you should keep a very close eye on these thoughts, feelings and behaviours. I think you should speak to your gp the next time you see them. Your relationship will food does not sound healthy. I don't want to scare you, but I of all people know.
Pm if you want to talk. I am so ready to talk about my experiences, and help in any way.
Thank you xxx
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Thankyou Supportme - I have pm'd you xx
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I can relate to this, I suffer from bulimia and it very much stems from my depression and bipolar disorder. It is all about control for me, I love food but hate the way it makes me feel.
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strange as i eat kebabs, pizza, load on the salt, all the &$%+e you can think of, spam on toast sausages every day and smoke 30 too 40 ciggys, and the odd cherry tomato i could be trying suicide the long way round.
before my accident at work i was 12 stone and like a brick &$%+house strong sturdy robust 6 pack, now at 16 stone and growing i feel the pressure
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I have never suffered an eating disorder, but when I am depressed I crave carbs and salt....crisps, bread, chips, mash. But sometimes I'm so poor at making a decision I can't decide what to eat and just don't really fancy anything.
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Carbs, salty and sweet things are my cravings when depressed
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Snap. Same for me.
S x
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How did thisevening go Ally? Xx
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It happened just like I said it would.
I cleared my plate.
And today/this morning, I and really annoyed at myself.
Actually, I was annoyed at myself when I was out at dinner.
But for appearances sake I ate the whole thing.
They were asking about starters and desert, but I stuck with just the main course and I'm quite please with myself about that.
Now I just have to get through this week and deal with next weekend when I have some friends from up north coming to visit and wanting to go out to dinner.
I'm not feeling like I have been, but it's still early and I and still a little sleepy
Thanks for asking
xx
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Well done, Ally. I am proud of you!! :).
Take it easy, don't bully yourself, and make sure you have someone you can talk to about your feelings, if it gets a little too much.
Have a nice day xx
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I'm proud of you too Ally :) I hope today has been ok and you havent been too hard on yourself xx
I had dinner with the in-laws last night... Carbonara :-\ I ate very slowly and chewed each mouthful as much as I could... I could only manage half the bowl though. Last night I dreamt that everyone that was there was talking about it, in reality they probably just put it down to me being fussy ::)
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Thanks.
I am really quite annoyed at myself.
There was no reason for me to clear my plate. I'm sure that nobody would have batted an eyelid if left a few chips and I really didn't need that piece of cheesy garlic bread at the end.
I was pretty full, but I still decided to eat it....sheer gluttony!
I just don't know what to do about this. It's getting to the frustrating point and getting angry at myself
>:( :( :'(
xx
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I know Ally - like me with the burger king, I didn't need to eat it, I'm sure Chris would have polished it off....
Have you spoken to anyone else about this? You GP or your family? I'm in the same situation so can't really offer any constructive advice, but you are not alone in this feeling &*( xx
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I have mentioned it in passing to my other half.
But I have not gone into any great detail with her.
I find it difficult to bring up in conversation and I am pretty embarrassed about it.
Got an appointment with the GP on Thursday morning, so I'll try to work up the courage to mention it there
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I think you should definitely speak to your gp about it. It kind of upsets me that it embarrasses you. :( What is there to be embarrassed about? You are ill, that's all.
I never once felt embarrassed when I had anorexia. Scared, alone and wishing for death to take me in my sleep, but never embarrassed. I was 15, a child, but I had the courage to speak to my gp, right before they had a chance to hospitalise me.
I hope I haven't come across as having a go, it's just I know how serious this is. Again, I don't want to scare you, just promise me you will try and speak to your gp about it, just in case it gets out of hand. Like I said before, I am not too worried about you, Ally or Munchroom because you are noticing changes and vocalising them. That is such a positive thing. I think for those reasons you are both really lucky. When I became ill, it sneaked up on me, I didn't know what was happening. It is my living hell.
Anyway, stay positive, I am proud of you both! :)
Have a good day xx
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So, having been to the doc, he suggested staying on the escitalopram as they were started about 8 weeks ago and give them a chance to work rather than changing them at this time.
He has also refereed me to counciling, so I have to wait for an appointment.
He suggested that the eating problem is a result of the depression (no great surprise there) and that it is at the extreme end of the scale. I could have gone to the other end of the scale and started comfort eating.
Hopefully I will get an appointment soon and get to the bottom of all this!
xx
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I've been at both extremes Ally and neither of them are nice places to be. Hope you get your appointment soon
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Well Ally, that doesn't really come as surprise to me, either. My anorexia nervosa was triggered by depression, and yes it is serious. I am 21 now and experiencing my second episode of depression. Luckily I doubt anorexia will ever come back, as food was not the problem, it was just an outlet for the depression.
Anyway, counseling should be good, Ally. CBT is also used for eating disorders.
Good luck let me know how you are feeling, getting on xx
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My need to binge this week has been terrible, I have pretty much eaten my folks out of house and home, I think that this was triggered by my anxiety towards my psychiatrist buggering off on 2 months annual leave and not telling me which meant I had to see somebody completely different which caused a lot of stress.