Depression Forums
Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: Matface_lost_in_you on March 10, 2010, 10:45:12 AM
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It's weird how depression never seems to go away, I thought i'd gotten over it. But it comes back so easy and rips your world apart.
Now I don't do things I started to do and I'm back doing the things that I use to, almost like i've gone back in time.
It's sometimes very strange to think about dying, to think how you just want to feel absolutely nothing but at the same time to wish for something better. Most people that say they want to die, i don't really believe that this is the case. They are usually just lost, they want to be happy, they want to live; they simply don't know how to right now. This is much how I feel right now.
I keep thinking to myself that I am void of all emotion, all feeling. That i'm a shell of an existance, nothing but numbness. But then it strikes me, that's just what i wish i was.
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good or bad? happy or sad? being like this is like being in a state of limbo all the time. I want to be happy but sometimes just sit and stare at nothing. I do have a lot of morbid thoughts too. Not suicidal but death related, is this normal with depression? Also fixated with my heart beating, and imagine heart attacks etc.
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I don't think there is a 'normal' as far as depression is concerned, everybody works differently, and that's fine. It's a very complicated subject, and i certainly cant get my head around some of the things I think, feel, say and do.
I must say, most of my morbid thoughts are over suicide; how, where, when. So far i've only decided two, and I kinda hope (right now at least) that I wont find out the other.
Talking helps, and I hear this alot, i say this alot... it's a great help to be able to find people that understand what you're going through.
I mean most people on this site suffer differently, with different reasons, problems and to various degrees. But certainly I believe we can all help eachother, because we are all united through our weaknesses. Ultimately, everybody on this site is looking for the same thing