Depression Forums
Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: alancue on February 13, 2012, 05:21:20 PM
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Is it just me or do others feel the same ?
Is the thought that you have made plans to take your life a comfort ?
Its like an escape route for me.
I can get on with life/depression knowing I can get out of it at any point !
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Yes I do this. I find it comforting.
Are we talking about a thought or an actual plan?
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I do this too, I get a strange sense of comfort knowing that if it got too much, like it did 2 weeks ago, then I still have this option left.
I don't want to hurt the people I love, but I want to stop hurting.
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hi everyone
with me i'm not so sure if it's comfort but it helps me feel i have a degree of control as its my choice in what i do
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ive always got multiple plans and it comforts me a lot.
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Ive thought about it but dont think I could action the thoughts. In the cold light of day I personally think that although it is a release for some, life is a gift (im not religious by the way), and as humans we have to keep going, we are here for a reason, we must be, its not just some random 'happening', as we float through space. As humans I dont think we have worked it out yet..
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I certainly do not find comfort in wanting to end my life. I find it the most devastating of all my negative thoughts. To think my mum carried me for nine months, protecting me, the way my family love and treasure me now, to disrespect them in such an irreversible way; it breaks my heart when my thoughts of being dead they seem so much better than living.
You know my gp asks me "Do I have a plan?", and my answer is "no". I tell her that the act would be spontaneous. I have been given emergency numbers by many professionals, for when my feelings get to much. That is where I find my comfort. And talking on here to my friends. People I know feel exactly the same way as I do, a place where I am accepted and never judged. Knowing I have a person at the end of the telephone, or logging onto this forum, it helps me and stops me doing what the voice is screaming out at me to do.
That is how I know I have control. I can stop her. I don't know if my life will get any better. I'm not certain I will get better. All I know is I can't give up, not yet, because I haven't tried every option to make myself better. I am still hung up in the past, I'm still stressed and disappointed and lonely and terrified, and I feel like I am 100 years old, but I haven't started therapy yet, I haven't given myself a chance. And I know I deserve that. And I know everyone on here also deserves that! I believe in each and everyone of you! xx
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I have witnessed first hand what suicide does to a family and it is devastating.
when I am experiancing suicidal thoughts it is one of the most devastating and heart wrenching experiances for me, I become horribly depressed and nothing else matters not even my loving family and that is the hardest part for me because they mean the world to me and I know that if I was to end my own life they would never forgive me.
I get asked so many times if I have a plan and to be honest most of the time my answer is yes I always have done because its a compfort to think it is there, but I know that I will NEVER use it and if I got to the point where I needed to end my life the first thing I would do is march myself into hospital and force them to section me.
I understand suicide and have experiance of the loss of suicide and trust me its the people you leave behind that have to pick up the pieces.
If you are seriously thinking about taking your own life please take yourself to the nearest A&E and get the help you need, dont wait until it is too late
smirfy
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hi everyone
this is just my opinion but i do not believe in the earlier posts that anyone was advocating suicide it was a discussion about whether or not we find comfort in the idea i think everyone realises the impact it would have on those around us and i think often that alone is enough to deter most people i said that for me it is the choice that gives me comfort and also that i know i can reach out if i want but can we just agree we all have our own degrees of illness and we are all individual so we all have our own opinions and some of us do not always possess the clarity of thought we would like
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I have had the means to end it all for over 10 years now, I dont know if I feel having it is a comfort or not, to be honest I first got it all together as it terrifies me to be old and infirm and have to rely on the social services or NHS to look after me.
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I have felt suicidal on many occasions, I have even OD'd on Benzo's but only because I knew they would not kill me. I sympathise with any one who feels like ending it all. I would urge anyone who is considering suicide to think of the pain and anguish and devastated individuals who you would leave behind. There is always someone out there who can help. I have spoken to people on this forum, called the samaritans, called my consultant for an urgent appointment. I am also lucky enough to have a loving partner and two gorgeous boys who I love dearly. I would NEVER actually kill myself and will never make any plans to carry out anything that would seriously injure or kill me. How would my children feel as they grew up? How would my partner, sisters, brother, and Dad cope after this. We lost my mum in an horrific car accident, she had no choice as she lay brain dead for 4 weeks before the life support machine was turned off. Me and by siblings were asked should we turn the life support machine off, I mean fancy your loved ones having to make that decision? This alone has made me more determined to stay as up beat as possible and like another poster has said that if I ever came close I would go straight to A and E and ask them to section me, at least my family would be able to see me.
I remember some wise words that somebody told me once, if you ended it all would people say right that's ok because that person was horrible and whatever else you feel about yourself? Or would they say oh my god what a lovely person, they could have spoken to me or reached out to someone. I'm pretty sure that all people with mental health problems would fall into the latter.
I am no expert by any means and I have not meannt to offend anyone, so apologies if I have. Just hang in there xx
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What a horrific thing to have to deal with, Holykimura.
Your strength inspires me :) xx
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I have most definately thought about it at my lowest points.
I have convinced myself that the world would be better off without me. Its the nature of the illness
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I became suicidal and so I went to hospital. It was the right decision.
There is always the crises team, so if anyone doesnt have their local number they should seek it out.
If you do feel this bad, please tell someone.
Love to all,
Steve
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I have my crisis team number and some direct numbers to some of the local mental health team but I know I won't use them. After a few failed attempts I know that when I'm takeing what at the time seems like the right action, I wouldn't want to call them.
When you know your only getting worse and you will probably never get better it's nice to know you have the choice to end things on your own terms and before it gets too bad. Every day is a battle for me and I personally think everyone has the right to choose what happens to them.
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I have my crisis team number and some direct numbers to some of the local mental health team but I know I won't use them. After a few failed attempts I know that when I'm takeing what at the time seems like the right action, I wouldn't want to call them.
When you know your only getting worse and you will probably never get better it's nice to know you have the choice to end things on your own terms and before it gets too bad. Every day is a battle for me and I personally think everyone has the right to choose what happens to them.
I fully understand what your saying. And can feel what you mean. Its very tough, sometimes nothing else matters but feeling ok again or exiting the earth. But there is a light that never goes out (Yeah I know its a Morrisey lyric..:)), but that light is your inner mind, the part of you that has the fight to go on, to push yourself, to smile when you want to frown. Hold onto it. (Not saying your suicidal now or anything, Im just sayin :))
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i think the control aspect is very interesting, and certainly that's what suicide would mean to me, finally able to control whats going on, even though it really isn't a very good way of controlling any situation. i have contemplated it, written in my head the last note i would write, there are about 30 different versions. the telephone numbers are useless to me, if i finally decided that was what i was going to do, then why would i call someone to tell them about it? that would defeat the point!
people really didn't see it in me before when i started working out how to do it, they wouldn't see it again, it would just happen. and i would make sure it worked, i wouldn't use it as a cry for help, i wouldn't want anybody to interfere so i would make sure they couldn't.
that's very much where i stand in my mind on suicide, but I'm not in that place at the moment, well, not a lot anymore.
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Thanks for all your input on this.
Will I go through with it ? Who knows. What does the future hold ?
I think I like the fact that I feel its the one thing I can still control in my life !
Thanks again everyone.
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Ive thought about it but dont think I could action the thoughts. In the cold light of day I personally think that although it is a release for some, life is a gift (im not religious by the way), and as humans we have to keep going, we are here for a reason, we must be, its not just some random 'happening', as we float through space. As humans I dont think we have worked it out yet..
I feel exactly the same....and it's those thoughts that also stop me....others feel the same....I'm not alone in it. x :)
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I don't really want to delve too deep in this subject but I do feel that it is inevitable. I don't know when but I am certain one day when I know I am beaten I will regain myself and my pride. I know how just not when. There will be no failed attempts, no trial runs, no messing about just one single fail proof method. Yes it will cause upset, yes it will cause embarrassment for those I leave behind but it will be the only way for me and will be the last resort. I will be forgiven by those that know me as they will understand. Until then I will try all they offer, if they succeed then I will be eternally grateful, if they fail I will not suffer and we will all have tried our best. We can't ask for more than that can we.
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It's a very permanent solution to what I keep being told is a temporary problem but tbh the fear of what comes next stops me . I'm 99 % sure there would be nothing but that 1% ...... Could end up a lot worse than i am now knowing my luck .
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I have seen the devastation suicide leaves behind. I have had the telephone call from friends who say they understand what I am going through and inform me an acquaintance has committed suicide. (What is that all about!)
But most of all I have had those feelings that I could cop out of all this crap, and yes I tried and failed. The problem lies is when you get to this stage, everything is pointless and futile. I ended up sleeping for 24hrs, and was mortified that I done this, the devastation my family would have had is imprinted on my head and I felt really selfish. Death is final, and the punishment you would leave on your loved ones may lead them to in turn depression. We owe it to ourselves to fight this crap, and help each other....................pity things weren't more open on the subject