Depression Forums
General => Welcome our 'NEW MEMBERS'!! => Topic started by: Spid on February 01, 2012, 06:12:00 PM
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Hopefully this will be okay - the cat is sitting on me and is jealous that my hands are typing and not stroking her. ::)
New to the site but definitely not depression - had episodes since I was about 15 - now 40+ - two lots of post natal and still struggling. Drs now decided my myriad of health issues aren't really, real and I'm depressed and need help. I feel a bit of a fraud as I've coped for years now without intervention. However. . . doc says I am more miserable than I allow myself to admit (she's right - but how would I get on with life otherwise?) I'm a bit of a boot straps girl (pull them up and get on with it!) and am finding this a little weird. I have to go and talk to someone - what will they want to know? Will they judge me? What if I cry in front of a stranger? etc. etc. HOw do I open up after years and years of bottling it up and hiding it all away in the recesses of my brain?
Nice to meet you all.
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Hi spid
Sometimes we simply cant keep pulling up our boot straps and carrying on and allow ourselves a bit of tlc.
A good counsellor shouldnt judge you, they will be ready with paper hankies as I think many, if not most, of us have a weepy session, and they will knw how to get you to gently open up. I think most us are anxious about counselling and often feel exhausted afterwards but it definitely helped me on a couple of occasions.
Z xx
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Hi Spid :)
As Zaf says, a good counsellor wont judge you, and there's nothing wrong in admitting you need a helping hand.
welcome to the forum.
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Hi Spid and welcome,
Agree with whats been said already by Zaf and Desperado.
S x
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Thanks for the welcome - I was always brought up to think being depressed equalled being weak - so finding it hard to admit I do need help. DOn't know how to open up either - hubby found the post natal stuff difficult - but he's never really understood how far it went - I protected him from most of it. Maybe that wasn't the right thing to do. I've signed up on here in secret (sort of - I hope he doesn't discover it) and I haven't told him about the doctors - I still feel he needs protecting form me really. Not his fault I'm a faulty model.
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Modern thinking is that strong people get depression, take a look at this link, there is also a little paperback by the same name that goes into a bit more detail http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/depressive-illness-the-curse-of-the-strong.html
If you are worried about privacy there is a section that isnt visible to the general public, if you want access pm me or any of the admin/mods and they'll let you in
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Thing is - should I be worried? Or should I trust him? I know he wouldn't look anyway? (Hopefully) Should I go secret or will that just end up compounding things. (I need to stop thinking things so much)
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The link that Zaf has given you is very good at explaining things. I have saved it in my favourites bar, so I can refer back to it.
S x
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Thats a difficult question, its really something only you can decide but perhaps try admitting a little at a time and see how he takes it?
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I wouldn't like to say one way or the other. All I can say is that my husband is pleased that I have found somewhere where I can share how I feel with others.
Maybe just mention that you are thinking of joining a depression support forum, and see how he reacts.
S x
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yeah, good idea. I'll go read the link now.
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That's definitely me - I cope with whatever rubbish life throws at me no matter what - it's not be an easy time recently and I just forge on and redouble my efforts whilst all the time wanting someone else to help, but never asking. I get cross with those around me - but not at them per-say - at how rubbish I feel about doing all the work etc and every thinking it's what I want. When I so don't.
I was so scared this weekend cos I had an appointment with the doctor and had some blood results to collect - I was praying it would be my thyroid (or something that could be cured easily) but deep down knew she was going to say depression and I didn't want her to. The idea of talking to someone else is very scary too, how do you start with 30 years of 'stuff', won't they just think I'm a moaning ninny? I'm so used to living like this what does normal feel like? Do I want normal?
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A good counsellor definitely wont hink you're a moaning ninny.
I dont know what normal feels like and I may never know, but I do know I dont want to feel so tired and low most of the time....
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Don't you ever wonder; when you've been holding it all together; how you can possibly let it all out. I feel if I start I will have a breakdown - but that's failure isn't it (I know not really - but that's what my brain tells me) - that's why I hold on so tight.
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Thankyou Zaf - don't know how you do it - being so good to all the newbies on here etc. (not ventured any further yet)
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I agree they wont think you are a moaning minny. I think you will find it just comes out when you do go and the right counsellor will be patient. I have just started my counselling, had 2 sessions now and I thought I wouldn't know what to say either, but the time just ran away while I was there and was easier than I thought to say the things that had been going on in my life.
S x
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When I feel really bad I go quiet a bit or my answers get shorter, whileI feel OKish I try to help and when I feel bad others help me :)
I think it needs to come out at a controlled pace to be the most useful, at my counselling sessions a bit more would come out each time and I would get to understand more, by the next session I would be ready to explore my feelings a little more
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I think I get it - go slowly and it will help more and stop the dissolving of self - of course I could not go and that would stop the dissolving of self too (maybe) but . . . I suppose that would be silly and selfish. How does it actually help thoug? Honest question there. Does the speaking of feelings lay them to rest or does it make you feel awful and solve nothing in the end? How does talking solve it?
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In my case talking about things helped me explore how my feelings and way I deal with life fuels the depression I suffer with, it also gave me some tools how to deal with panic attacks and anxiety, it also helped me recognise and understand why I do things that are self destructive and find ways to avoid them
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Do they help and suggest things or is it all a journey of self discovery and you are meant to make the links all by yourself? DO they actually ask questions to get you going or are you expect to spout forth? I've told no-one anything very significant for 30+ years. It won't be easy to start now without a prod or two.
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My counsellor asked me to give a brief summary of my childhood onwards to present day, I got very emotional at the point where my dad was in the hospice and died, she sort of led me through it all very gently and asked questions when I dried up or she needed to clarify something.
My counsellor encouraged me to explore my feelings with her guiding me, I dont think she ever actually suggested anything, more led me to discover what I needed to find out
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Okay that doesn't sound too scary. I suppose I shall just have to learn to be honest and not hide stuff. I can make my life sound very much like a long boring list.
Thank you for you help. I'm a big woos really.
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I was so nervous before my first appointment I managed to put my bra top on back to front and wondered why it felt uncomfortable, fortunately I realised before I left for the appointment!
One thing I did do when I went was to write down a little list of things I felt important to talk about as I knew I would forget.
I hope you find your counselling as useful as I did xx