Depression Forums

General => Welcome our 'NEW MEMBERS'!! => Topic started by: Rycing on January 22, 2012, 09:24:28 AM

Title: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Rycing on January 22, 2012, 09:24:28 AM
Hello,
I have never been to one of these forums before. I used to think of myself as confident and robust...dealt with anything life threw at me.
I first got serious depression 6 years ago after the birth of my youngest child. I was as low as low can be...lots of suicidal thoughts...didn't want to go on....
I had prozac (for a year) and CBT, which helped a lot and I was back to my old self.
Since then, I am much more fragile and much more likely to be at a low ebb. Not seriously depressed like I was, but to a lesser degree.
I can feel those old feelings returning (It's been a bad year)...self loathing, irritability to the extreme, stressed and anxious. I can cry over next to nothing. I'm starting to think that others are against me....although I am able to rationalise most of those thoughts.
I have used the coping strategies I learned before, i.e exercise, hobbies. Sometimes I will be ok for a few days, then I'm right back down.
I'm feeling detached from others, lonely in my relationships, worried for the future......it's all too familiar.
I'm at the stage where I'm thinking of returning to my G.P.....but I don't want to be 'needing help' all my life.  "£"
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Glen53 on January 22, 2012, 10:05:41 AM
Firstly welcome to the forum.

Im sorry that you are feeling low again after doing so well. unfortunatly it is quite common for sufferers of depression to lapse back into low feelings at some point, but it need not rule your life.

You have done the right thing in posting here to talk about it. Its not easy to tell someone that you are not coping as its a tough first step to take, but you have done so and i think you are very brave for that.

I find with my depression I feel ok most days when im well, but the tendancy for me is to carry on when i have a low point, trying to ignore the fact that i might be sinkng again. Im finally realising that this is a mistake. When I feel that im sinking lower in thought these days i post on here and talk to others so that i can at least share my feelings and this helps. I keep a journal on this site, as many do, so that I can keep an eye on how i progress and so that others can read back and perhaps find some comfort in knowing they are not alone with this daily fight . I also talk to my wife a lot about how I feel so that she knows what moods Im likely to be in and why.

I hope we can help and support you here.
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Zaf on January 22, 2012, 10:25:18 AM
Hi and welcome, I would urge you to go back to your GP and get started on some medication, I have suffered from depression for around 20 years on and off and this last time my doctor said I might need to be on a low dose of medication for life, when I said that wasnt a very nice idea he likened it to being diabetic or having a thyroid deficiency as its also a chemical imbalance in our bodies and that I would need medication for life for either of those illnesses soI tend now to look at my medication in a new light.

Z xx
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Sweetpea on January 22, 2012, 10:41:21 AM
Hi and welcome,

I agree with what both Glen and Zaf said.  You should visit your gp and say you are struggling, I have suffered on and off for the past 6 years, and I too still take a while to realise whats happening until I get really low.  It is an illness and with other illnesses we sometimes need medication to help us feel well again.

Take care

S x
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Rycing on January 22, 2012, 10:48:30 AM
Glen53 and Zaf, thank you for your kind words,  :)but they have made me cry once again.
I have made the decision to go back to my G.P.
The thing that bothers me about this is; is there some underlying problem I will just be using medication to cover up? Should I address this instead of taking medication? I'm not sure what..but, for example, would it be better to change the way I live my life? (not easy with children and a demanding job) Do I need psychotherapy?
As well as the CBT, I've also tried counselling a couple of times....I didn't really get on with it. It seemed more about looking for coping strategies, looking for new ways of thinking about things that I do already...as I would say I have good self awareness.
The chemical imbalance thing might be an explanation I suppose.
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Rycing on January 22, 2012, 10:49:43 AM
Hi and welcome,

I agree with what both Glen and Zaf said.  You should visit your gp and say you are struggling, I have suffered on and off for the past 6 years, and I too still take a while to realise whats happening until I get really low.  It is an illness and with other illnesses we sometimes need medication to help us feel well again.

Take care

S x
Thank you- we were typing at the same time.x
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Sweetpea on January 22, 2012, 10:57:15 AM
Maybe if you were put on medication again, you could find it easier to see what changes you could make.  Its just that when you are depressed everything seems so difficult to cope with, even small things.  There are different types of counselling too, I have just started mine with a counsellor from MIND and its physcho-dynamic, think thats how you say it anyway. :).  Only had 1 session so far.  But maybe you could have a chat with someone from an organisation like MIND and see what is on offer and how you may be helped.

Hope this helps somewhat.

S x
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Rycing on January 22, 2012, 11:17:38 AM
Seems like good advice Shaz, I might give it a go. Thanks.
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Zaf on January 22, 2012, 11:18:31 AM
Glen53 and Zaf, thank you for your kind words,  :)but they have made me cry once again.
I have made the decision to go back to my G.P.
The thing that bothers me about this is; is there some underlying problem I will just be using medication to cover up? Should I address this instead of taking medication? I'm not sure what..but, for example, would it be better to change the way I live my life? (not easy with children and a demanding job) Do I need psychotherapy?
As well as the CBT, I've also tried counselling a couple of times....I didn't really get on with it. It seemed more about looking for coping strategies, looking for new ways of thinking about things that I do already...as I would say I have good self awareness.
The chemical imbalance thing might be an explanation I suppose.

if you are worried about an underlying condition you should also mention this to your doctor and he/she may suggest blood tests to be absolutely sure.

I have had some counselling that was worse than useless and some that was briliant, my last two courses explored why I felt like I did and how to change that thinking but also (and equally importantly) how to cope with my existing situation better. I guess its a bit of a lottery but if you go for counselling and get a good one it can be life transforming.

Take a look at this web site, it describes the physical side of depression very well and if you want more detailed information there is a little paperback of the same name xx

http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/depressive-illness-the-curse-of-the-strong.html
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Rycing on January 22, 2012, 11:32:11 AM
Glen53 and Zaf, thank you for your kind words,  :)but they have made me cry once again.
I have made the decision to go back to my G.P.
The thing that bothers me about this is; is there some underlying problem I will just be using medication to cover up? Should I address this instead of taking medication? I'm not sure what..but, for example, would it be better to change the way I live my life? (not easy with children and a demanding job) Do I need psychotherapy?
As well as the CBT, I've also tried counselling a couple of times....I didn't really get on with it. It seemed more about looking for coping strategies, looking for new ways of thinking about things that I do already...as I would say I have good self awareness.
The chemical imbalance thing might be an explanation I suppose.

if you are worried about an underlying condition you should also mention this to your doctor and he/she may suggest blood tests to be absolutely sure.

I have had some counselling that was worse than useless and some that was briliant, my last two courses explored why I felt like I did and how to change that thinking but also (and equally importantly) how to cope with my existing situation better. I guess its a bit of a lottery but if you go for counselling and get a good one it can be life transforming.

Take a look at this web site, it describes the physical side of depression very well and if you want more detailed information there is a little paperback of the same name xx

http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/depressive-illness-the-curse-of-the-strong.html
I found the CBT course (10 weeks) to be the most helpful, the counselling was a bit of a waste of time. It helped me offload at the time, but as soon as it finished I was back where I started. I will have a look at the site. Thanks. x
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Zaf on January 22, 2012, 11:35:29 AM
Its a shame your counselling didnt help much but I'd advise if you are offered it try a few sessions and if you feel its going nowhere stop going, I was very lucky this time that my counsellor gave me some very useful ways of defusing anxiety and common situations I get stressed about xx
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Rycing on January 22, 2012, 01:10:39 PM
I read through the link Zaf. I totally related to it and will re-visit again to remind myself what this is about and understand why it's happening. Really helpful, thanks.x
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Zaf on January 22, 2012, 01:13:30 PM
its quite useful to show it to people that dont really understand what you're going through,  I read it to my husband and I'm sure he understands better now :)
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Ezel on January 22, 2012, 08:23:18 PM
 .>, Rycing
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Rycing on January 22, 2012, 09:29:40 PM
.>, Rycing

Thank you. Not feeling quite so alone now.x
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Glen53 on January 22, 2012, 10:31:37 PM
Thats a plus  ;)

Its one of the the biggest comforts I get from this forum, knowing that no matter how bad things get there is always someone here to post a friendly comment and make my day less lonely.  :)
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Sweetpea on January 23, 2012, 12:39:28 PM
I have also found this forum very comforting.  There is always someone here to listen and offer words of support. It has helped me so much.  I also hope that I can help others who are going through this.

S x
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Rycing on January 24, 2012, 05:40:26 PM
Had a very low day today and tried to do something positive by booking the GP appt. Got up the nerve...however, no pre-bookable appts available. I have to try again by phoning tomorrow. :(
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Desperado99 on January 24, 2012, 06:38:31 PM
Oh I hate it when that happens.

hopefully you'll have better luck with them tomorrow.
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Sweetpea on January 24, 2012, 06:44:51 PM
Hope you manage to get your appointment with your dr tomorrow.  Sorry you have had a low day today.

Take care

S x
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Rycing on January 24, 2012, 07:00:48 PM
Thanks for replies.x   I will try again. I have to do something, I cried at work the other day, in a big meeting, so embarrassing.

Been to the mood gym (found the link here) and I'm working my way through it, but, to be honest, having done CBT before, it's a bit simplistic. Makes me think mine may be more to do with chemical imbalances than anything else. I'm a bit worried about taking prozac again as although it worked, it did make me very nauseous at the start.
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Sweetpea on January 24, 2012, 07:09:23 PM
Certainly think mine is chemical imbalance, I to have done CBT before, but it went right out of the window when I fell ill again.  Could you not take some time off (know that could be difficult) if you are put back on meds, just till the side effects wear off.  I would eat a biscuit when I felt sick when firs starting my meds and it took the edge off.

Take care

S x
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Rycing on January 24, 2012, 07:17:47 PM
I am so busy at work, which might not matter in many jobs. But the reason I feel I can't take time off is that I work for a small charity and I love my job. Something like this could send them into financial ruin at this crucial point in my work...and our charity users rely on me...the responsibility is feeling too much to bear...thanks for listening. x (and replies.x)
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Rycing on January 25, 2012, 11:31:33 AM
I have been to see the G.P, who was very patient and understanding. I have been prescribed Citalopram and referred for CBT. I felt a fool blubbing in the waiting room..and the surgery...and on my way out. I'm signed off work short term as G.P feels it's important to my recovery. x
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Zaf on January 25, 2012, 11:35:52 AM
Hi

Sometimes it is better to take a little time off however much we feel we shouldnt,  I'm glad your GP has started you on some medication and referred you for CBT, in the meantime you should try to rest if your body tells you to as thats also helpful where recovering from depression is concerned xx
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Rycing on January 25, 2012, 11:41:59 AM
Thanks.x
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Sweetpea on January 25, 2012, 02:24:48 PM
 &*( for you.  I have blubbed in the dr's too.  I am sure there are lots that do.  But you did it and you are getting the help you need.  So pleased that you have time off, your mind and body need time to heal.  Try and make sure you rest as much as you can.

Take care

S x
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Zaf on January 25, 2012, 02:55:41 PM
I have too on several occasions xx
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Rycing on January 25, 2012, 03:22:08 PM
Shaz and Zaf, thanks. It helps to know I'm not the only one! xx &*(
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Glen53 on January 25, 2012, 07:56:03 PM
The last time I went I had to hand my GP a hand written note of how I felt - I was crying so much i could not speak  :(

Thats a big no no for a man these days - very weak, although to be honest i care more about getting better than what others think.
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Rycing on January 25, 2012, 09:41:40 PM
Glen 53, it's not weak at all really, regardless of gender. But I agree that for men there's a different social expectation.
Even though I know it's not about weakness.... I just can't help feeling humiliated.
And yes, the wish to improve my condition was greater because I knew if I went I would cry.
Thanks for sharing.x
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Spid on February 01, 2012, 08:42:44 PM
I cried in the surgery this week and I'm a big 'I don't cry' person. I felt so ashamed, and ashamed that she saw me struggling to control it (which I did in the end - I think if I'd started properly I wouldn't have stopped) but maybe that's what she needed to see. We are strong yet feel weak, no wonder we get all twisted up inside. One thing I can say, you are not alone.
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Zaf on February 01, 2012, 08:48:30 PM
I could have written that post Spid, so many of the feelings and symptoms with depression seem to be the same or similar for many sufferers
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Sweetpea on February 01, 2012, 08:50:33 PM
I so agree, thats why this forum is so good, you know you are not alone.  As when you do feel like this you feel so alone.

S x
Title: Re: Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone
Post by: Rycing on February 01, 2012, 09:03:51 PM
Yes, there's much comfort in knowing you're not alone. I know it helps me. Thanks all. xx