Depression Forums
Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: Lol on January 06, 2012, 10:45:45 PM
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Ah there's nothing like the gripping, gut churning dread of a pending social engagement to have one running for the duvet, cancelling the alarm clock and turning all the lights out..... but under what circumstances are we affected the most and how do we cope?
At present, and this is getting worse by the day, there is nothing more crippling for me than the prospect of the humble 'party'. Many people who know me in a room having fun, music, dancing and happiness. This turns my digesive system to liquid, my mouth to a dusty pit, and my cardiovascular system to a rocket fueled race to panic, confusion and pandomonium within the humble confines of my veins.
I cope with..... avoidance!! Bravo me! what a clever old bean ::)
Interestingly, put me in a room filled full of strangers, and I will very happily network my way around and them and come away with many fond memories and a hand full of friends. Put me in a room full of family, no problem at all. But a room full of friends and others who know me and oooooh no. What the hell is this?? Does anyone else suffer with this? If so what happens and what do you do about it?
Also, is there a link to agrophobia? I am starting to have to avoid society in general. I'm not sure if, after recent events, I'm now conditioned to cry in public places because every time I was in one it magnified the absence of my ex. I am so sick of welling up every time I'm in a pub or restaurant, or supermarket or carpark for that matter! that I'm just starting to avoid them in general now. I can tell this could be a slippery slope, and on thinking about this I have realised this social anxiety thing that I have always suffered from, but until now, haven't really put a name to or even considered could be part of my depression??!!
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Do you think it could be because your friends know your situation and you are avoiding having to put a front on for them or that they remind you of your present situation?
I am convinced agorophobia for me (which can be combined with anxiety and/or panic attacks) are my mind's way of avoiding something it subconciously thinks or knows will harm me more so I guess your avoidance of society in general could be something similar :(
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No it's not to do with my present situation. It's been going on for about 6-8 years.
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I shall have to mull that one over, off to bed now and often answers to things come to me at night.
Z xx
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a huge amount of diazepam was the only thing that helped me but that doesn't work any more and my reasons are pretty complex and more to do with the psychosis
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I can't stand being in a room of people I don't know, I'm okay if I'm with a friend or a group of us and I avoid everybody else by zoning out. If people talk to me, they generally don't get much out of me. Recently I have noticed I have been a little better, but only when fuelled by stupid amounts of alcohol, which I'm now trying to avoid as its made me feel worse over the last few weeks :(
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I can't stand being in a room of people I don't know, I'm okay if I'm with a friend or a group of us and I avoid everybody else by zoning out. If people talk to me, they generally don't get much out of me. Recently I have noticed I have been a little better, but only when fuelled by stupid amounts of alcohol, which I'm now trying to avoid as its made me feel worse over the last few weeks :(
i used the alcohol method at the start but now ive been completely sober for well over a year now, i never thought that would ever happen. im glad you've realized that is not really something that helps
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I can cope in my mums house when it is full of my family, siblings and inlaws and friends of the family.
new years day we went to a hotel/country club for our dinner and there was 17 of us
and I was fine, the hotel (we book yearly) gave us the small dining room so it was only our party and our 3 waiters/waitresses
taking the wee man to school is just a case of I want the ground to open up and swallow me.
I am fine in Ians sisters house too, dont feel at all stressed, yet I have been friends with one of my friends since we were in our early teens so over 20yrs we have known each other
yet her wedding day I couldnt go, I made ever excuse in the book to avoid it, I speak to her online via FB and email but to sit in the same room I would be ill, last time we saw each other was my youngest sons christening in 2006. yet I have another friend and we have been friends since we were toddlers 32yrs at least and I can sit in her house fine.
I think my mind believes some friends would be judgemental and discuss my "illness" behind my back or explain to others who will be in company that I "dont keep well" and that freaks me out.
Dads family is huge he is one of 15 (6 boys and 9 girls) so you can imagine family parties on dads side, his sister turned 60 last October and I went to the party but I got there early and sat in a table out the way, sat in the corner and my mum done the runs to the bar because where I was sitting I deliberatly sat in a seat that didnt have ease to get in and out so had an excuse not to move.
I have online friends from a mums forum and joined it when my youngest was born, and have made some great friends and have had a few sunday pub lunches with the other mums and picnics with the kids etc and I have been okay all be it I take my anti anxiety and dont drink. Ian drives me and collects me. But they didnt know me when I was well so they dont know me any other way.
Gawd knows it is strange wish a magic wand could sort us, although I have told Ian if I win the lotto I will be building a wee village for all my nearest and dearest family and friends to keep us all close by x
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No it's not to do with my present situation. It's been going on for about 6-8 years.
Did it creep up slowly lol or some incident trigger it do you think?
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No it was def a trigger involving a certain couple of people from a certain social group. Can't talk about that here. Now I have thought about that, it's all a bit obvious. I think it's only a certain social group I have problems with. Although, now the same feelings are creeping in for everyone and everything. I think it must be my depression as one of my major symptoms is always paranoia. It is a paranoid feeling.
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I think somehow you need to reason with yourself about the other people outside that certain group somehow, do you think counselling would help?
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I think somehow you need to reason with yourself about the other people outside that certain group somehow, do you think counselling would help?
My counselling deals with so many things that adding this to the mix right now feels frankly embarassing! (another paranoia maybe)
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it may be paranoia but it might be worth trying to introduce the problem to your counsellor when the time feels right xx
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it could be something as simple as to control the crying, and not the place your in, i cannot be the place your in as the crying is in any place that could remind you of something, but to be honest if it's about the EX then you could have been everywhere ;D triggers are just as avoidable if we breath and go there on a specific mission put build up the courage and tackle the least turbulent place and take it from there building up to other places.
LR
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I can't stand being in crowded places such as shops. It brings on anxiety attacks which have been so bad sometimes that I've had to get out. I feel suffocated if I have a lot of people round me.
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Strangers dont know you, so you can be friendly and limit their knowledge of'you'
Family have known you for years and love you because you are family. They know most 'bad bits'
Talking to friends.... They already know the easy things and there is a danger that they will angle for more 'info' on you. A couple of well placed questions and they know too much - stuff thats uncomfortable for you when they know it. The fear they may find something out about you and not like you anymore. The feeling of being 'betrayed' by people who are supposed to be close friends. OR.. They may let you down. They 'go off' you for something and make excuses to run off.
Im thinking its a fear of being let down by people you trust fundamentally Lol.
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Holy crap.
got it in 1
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Oh Glen I totally agree.
Sharon
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Its not strange Lol, I really get where you are coming from with this, pushing people away because you dont want to hurt them or them to hurt you. Its a rotten way to feel but one of the 'flaws' of my disease you have least control over.
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Still, that was a refreshingly simple and accurate explanation. Thanks Glen
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You are welcome Lol.
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I can put the face on in front of the family, and so kinda cope. Used to be great amongst strangers and Icould be who I wanted to be, without fear until I had an incident, which really knocked my confidence. I am great if hubby is with me so he can shield me.
With friends I know for years I get very anxious and nervous now, and I know the reason is because they know the old me (well) so the mask is on, and I fall to bits later
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i generally can't stand it either. I just go through phases where sensory overload gets too much for me and i just need a few days of quiet time.
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I'm so glad that I read this thread. It's made me realise that I struggle socialising with friends in case I say or do something to offend them and they no longer want to be friends with me.
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I even find myself planning days of total rest just so i can get over very exhausting days like tomorrow i am supposed to be meeting someone for the charity group i'm involved with and because I had a very exhausting physically, mentally and emotional day i am gonna postpone tomorrow so my body can get over it otherwise my back/knee and all of my chronic pain (not related to depression will hit me like tonne of bricks)