Depression Forums
Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: cornish on December 05, 2011, 09:22:06 PM
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the receptionists and i mean 4 different ones now know me by name and give me my regular appointments at the same time twice a week
one of the chemist knows me by name.
when you weekly amount of meds is 100 (well 98 but close enough as it was 105 before the dosage increase)
you can hear geese when your in a freezer
you think its a good idea to carve the word NO into your hand to stop your self from self harming
your paranoid about food poisoning to the point where you only eat skittles for 3 days
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you get stressed out beyond belief while trying to decorate the christmas tree (normal people do not seem to have this issue!)
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You starve yourself because you are terrified of putting on any weight - even though you are tiny
You get exhausted by getting dressed
You see your doctor so often its more like having a chat with a mate
Everyone that works in the surgery knows you by name
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You stuff your face cos there's nothing else to do
Sleeping is the only thing that feels good
You no longer have the words to explain to anyone how you feel
Ps xward x - I'm allergic to xmas trees I buy the plastic ones with lights already built in
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When you push everybody that cares, away from you
When you can't face the day ahead
When your bored, you start to carve bits out of your arm
When the simplest of things make you explode into a ball of rage
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you cry when someone is kind to you
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When you build a cardboard box fort around you work bench to feel warm and safe. Try explaining that to the blokes at work
When you think it's a good idea to put a stone in your shoe
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you panic when you think about going outdoors or someone opens the curtains
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you panic when you think about going outdoors or someone opens the curtains
I haven't been able to open the curtains in my bedroom for over a year now, I feel like something is behind them and I can't release it
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&*(
I simply couldnt bear to look outside, everything out there terrified me :(
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...you vote for the BNP
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@ Laura...it is plastic :'( hahaha
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when you find yourself on the bathroom floor the next morning after having cried yourself to sleep, when you realise you have just spent nearly an hour watching the spin cycle of the washing machine, when you get to the till of a supermarket and realise you have nothing in your basket, when you find yourself somewhere with no idea how you got there or why you were there in the first place, when its painful to physically get out of bed in the morning, when you find yourself cleaning the kitchen at two O'clock in the morning in floods of tears for no reason other than feeling down. that is when you know you are ill.
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i would agree with all of the above except the stone in the shoe lol perhaps i should try it!x :)
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i would agree with all of the above except the stone in the shoe lol perhaps i should try it!x :)
i really "needed" something to distract me and a stone is bloody annoying and painful so it was SI as well
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when your up at stupid o'clock 04.07 am because your in so much pain and you have sweated that much you are wet through.
when you have shuffled that much you have worn away a tile in the kitchen.
when your very strong wife cry's for you
when your 6 year old son thinks it's normal for daddy to just stair into space for hours and plays round you.
when you have everything, but nothing inside.
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When your head feels like its full of cotton wool.
When you talk to your dog about how you feel.
When you cry for so long that you no longer produce any more tears.
When you feel people are against you all the time.
When you apologise to others when you've done nothing wrong.
When you feel you can't bear living like this any longer.
When you try to find positives in all negatives (e.g. i put my finger in my dogs poo while scopping it up, and tried to find a positive by doing it)
When you feel guilty for feeling unwell
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When you talk to your dog about how you feel.
I'm in a conversation with my dog most of the day :-\ he's a great listener!!
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Mine too - and the horses :)
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I find talking to the dog quite therapeutic, I do all the talking and she just listens and occasionally walks over and lies at my feet looking for a tummy rub, I wish my children would do the same! They just seem to constantly bicker with each other and moan at me when I tell them off!
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Loving this post & agree with most of it! @ Holykimura I have recently realised that when you feel people are against you all the time...it's actually yourself! I always feel paranoid about how people feel about me but never realised it's me that thinks negative about me, how weird is that! x
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When you are surrounded by people but feel incredibly lonely!
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Loving this post & agree with most of it! @ Holykimura I have recently realised that when you feel people are against you all the time...it's actually yourself! I always feel paranoid about how people feel about me but never realised it's me that thinks negative about me, how weird is that! x
Your spot on about that xwardx, it's just difficult to remember that when you feel the paranoia. I've set periodic alerts in my phone to help remind me, it helps too! Sad I know lol, I also have set an alert to remind me about everything positive I have achieved in a day.
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...when you dont reconise the person staring back at you in the mirror.
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You look forward and there's nothing there.
You look back and everything was a lie.
You just look... and realise you have probably never experienced life at all because nothing was real.
You get home from work at 12.30pm and start drinking immediately.
You have excema on your face because of the constant salt of your tears.
You pour hot wax on yourself because it feels great.
You start smoking again when you haven't smoked for 10 years.
You almost administer death by mistake at work because of absentmindedness.
Your mind is absent.
You poor your heart out to the postman.
You prefer to leave the blown bulb in the bathroom so you can't see yourself in the mirror.
You literally have nothing to say but this kind of thing.
It's like sinking in to a sinister pair of slippers.
You have to pick a few of 10,000 possible responses you have to this post.
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you can pour your heart out to us if you need &*(
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... you spot the "responsible pharmacist" notice in Boots and ask if it's possible to talk to the irresponsible pharmacist instead. :D
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You go back to check the front door is shut and locked - we have to physically lock the door when we go out.
The meds are one of my bug bears as dh takes 119 (mostly a combination of painkillers) a week and I take 84 in a week "£$
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When you cry so much it makes you feel sick but you can't remember why you cried in the first place :'(
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When you talk to your dog about how you feel.
I'm in a conversation with my dog most of the day :-\ he's a great listener!!
i found my self asking my van if it had any cable ties in the back today.
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When your crying so hard because ur so lonely but cant let the first person to want to see you in weeks come around because your face is so red from crying and u know youll cry in front of them.
When you struggle to remember what 'illness' you havent given as an excuse to ur boss.
You talk to the wall & end up laughing at the reply you've made up in ur head
You stare at the knifes doing the delf (as a possible way out) for so long they dry themselves
You sit on the kitchen floor crying cause you dont see the point of moving
You drink just to get to tomorrow
You end up hungry because you havent bought any food for the house cause u thought u were going to end it but then ur too afraid to go out to get food in case something happens.
U post more here than on facebook.
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when you stop drinking fluids in the hope it will do the job for you
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I talk to inanimate objects all the time :o
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I talk to everything.
I talk to myself most nights.. dont feel as lonely.
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I am always talking to myself. Just tend to say things out loud. When I am at work people ask me was I talking to them, no I was just talking to myself.
S x
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I talk to myself too - or the dog, we have great chats :) xx
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your having a conversation with a purple russian hedgehog and the only reason you realize something is wrong is that the hedgehog should be hibernating
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Oh yes, my dogs hear it all too. They have a way of just looking at me with their heads to one side. So sweet.
S x
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your having a conversation with a purple russian hedgehog and the only reason you realize something is wrong is that the hedgehog should be hibernating
Brilliant! Xx
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When you go to put the dog outside and realised you have opened the washing-machine!
When you feel everyone in your family is against you and fed up with you
When you go downstairs or upstairs for something and can't remember why
When you don't get up until 2.00 p.m and don't bother about your appearance for days/weeks
When you make plans to do something in the house the next day and never do it
When your husband tells you you look a mess
When if you have a couple of good days people expect you then to be magically ok for good
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You think this is a good idea
(http://img.tapatalk.com/5f955fb9-7f16-f9b4.jpg)
Yes that is a Lollypop in a drill and it shredded my tongue, I did this some time early last year and I just considered it again.
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I'd do something like that... knowing full well its daft
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:o Please realise its a bad idea!
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not a clever idea!!
You know you are truly ill when you hit rock bottom, loose everything and think you cannot sink any lower and then do so with a massive thud!!!
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When you struggle to remember what the old 'well' you was like.
When you need encouragement from everyone around you just to do basic everyday things.
When a few hours of doing something 'normal' tires you out for days.
When your doctor wants to see you weekly.
When you self harm so much you don't even feel the pain.
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You can no longer seem to function at work often forgetting what the hell you're doing or saying,
You sometimes talk and the other person hasn't a clue what you said because it was mumbled and back to front,
Everyone just thinks you are 'sensitive' because you cry at the smallest thing,
You look forward to seeing your counsellor every Wednesday,
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When you'd rather stay in bed all day
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when you see your GP on a daily basis lol but seriously its not good to feel ill.
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You build a fort at work from boxes around your work bench. Then getting really annoyed because you only have enough to make it waist high :(. When I got asked why I just said I need to stay warm and safe.
Only to get laughed at by an insensitive ***********.
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You start to cut your fingerprints off so you can't be found. 3 down and you then realise they could use DNA and I dunno how to change that.
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your medication is well over a gram a day
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When every night is like a seperate lifetime.
When you give up looking for a solution.
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day time tv is &$%+ and boring
when i have to force myself to phone a friend and then she bores me to death and it's like getting water out of stone
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When you've only slept in your bed four times in the last month and instead fallen asleep on the sofa night after night because you can't bear to go to bed and be alone with your own thoughts.
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When you believe that your husband and children would be much better of if you were dead :'(
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Bubblemama we have all been there but please believe me when I say that your family need you and would NOT be better off without you, please think about what your death would do to them. I have experianced the suicide of a loved one and I cannot even begin to tell you how my family felt afterwards, the aftermath of a suicide is gut wrenchingly awful.
Please find someone to talk to about how you are feeling, go to your GP or a Psychiatrist, talk to the Samaritans. Please remember we are all hear if you need to talk :)
I know things have got bad when the house is a tip, I haven't left the house in weeks and I have watched repeats of boring day time television
Smirfy
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Thanx smurfy. I have managed to get some help. When I got to that point (which was.my lowest) I knew something was wrong. Today I have seen my gp. We have discussed options and ways to help and with thanx to my medical insurance policy I am able to get counselling asap. My mum left me as a teenager and I know how it feels to be abandoned. To be honest, how ever much my children drive me crazy, I could never put them through that and risk them having this awful condition when they get older.
I thank you for your reply. It was appreciated x
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Well done Bubblemama, hopefully things will start to get better for you. &*( &*(
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when the meds i am on make me oversleep and I end up missing my job centre appointment and having crap day. i am currently claiming JSA as 8-10 hours just about pays for my bills
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When you walk around in circles approximatly 200 times engaging with an internal monologue.
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Well done bubblemama, you took a huge step forward xx
When you feel so scared, but you dont know what of.
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You don't feel in control anymore
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When you just feel nothing
When you hide behind your husband and hope no one tries to engage with you
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When you don't want to get out of bed in the morning because.
S
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You go out looking like you've just got up, because you don't care about yourself anymore
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When a bit of housework leaves you exhausted for days
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When just the thought of leaving the house makes you sob your heart out
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you look at your body and see words, numbers and letters and the TRIANGLES everywhere...... in the scars.
other areas are a blur of ridges that just feel right and soothing to the touch.
the last year and something is a blur.
triangles taunt you. they are your life. the points are the pain and the lines are just a blur or nothingness.
you have no idea what to do next
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The most important thing in you life has wilkinson sword on it.
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When you blurt out 'I hate myself' time and time again during the day without thinking (and it relates to the smallest thing like sending a text with a misspelt word)
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You can't sleep naturally or at all unless your knocked out by a VERY high dosage of seroquel