Hi there,
I registered to join this forum in October but every time I thought about actually writing in it the same block that allows me to function kicked in and it seemed impossible. So I figured I should just say hello and not worry about going in to my whole life story.
So the short version:
I have had really bad anxiety for as long as I can remember. I used to have horrible nightmares when I was small and those intensified through my teenage years. I began to self harm and continued to do so for some time. Going to uni was extremely difficult as I was fighting a losing battle with anxiety and depression which eventually culminated in a total breakdown. I think I cried for a full 12 hours before I called my parents to say I "didnt feel well". I left uni for a year, spoke to almost noone and barely left my parents house. Oh by this time I was also drinking too much and taking codeine just to make myself feel better.
See its the bit after that and bringing me to now I find depressing to even talk about...at any rate I am now 31 and I have taken beta blockers and lustral which sort of helped. Not taking them now though and I will have managed without codeine for two weeks on Monday. Bit early to get excited about that though (after more than ten years, two weeks free means nothing)
I just feel totally exhausted. Its like just functioning on a day to day basis takes all the energy I have and so all the things I would like to spend my energy on go undone. So every day I think about all the things I have failed to achieve...and I have had these problems for so long I dont even remember what its like to just feel calm and content. If I ever did.
I just think it would be really nice to communicate with some people who understand...thats all for now.
thanks,
