Hello..I've become very depressed.

[Zaf]

Is your mind churning over things that have happened or things that might happen in the future Depina?

[Depina]

Both I'm afraid, I still get upset about things in the past, like losing my mum and dad a few years ago. they had had a good life, but I miss them so much, even my grandchildren, I miss them too, and my sons, I see one 2 or 3 times a year and the other every 2 or 3 months, as we do not live near. It is silly but I can't help it. Doesn't seem much but I am over sensitive. Also the future, our financial situation is bad, my husband won't like this when he sees it either ! another worry as I need to open up about it really. My Mum used to say there is no point in worrying about something you can't do anything about. but I still do.
Anyway thanks for asking
Hope you are feeling better today.
 &*(

[Zaf]

Its very natural to feel upset about losing people you love Depina and to miss both them and your sons and grandchildren, I certainly dont think its silly but if its affecting your health its worth trying to find a way of coping with it in a better way.  I think to start with you could try working out in your mind what you miss most about each of them and why (I hope that makes sense?) then when you've worked that out it may be possible to find ways of coping better with your feelings.

Your mum was so right, but its easier said than done!  I used to spend hours worrying about things that might happen (or might not happen) only to find that something else had happened and all the scenarios I played out in my head and worried about were totally irrelevent. Now every time I get the 'what ifs' I tell myself firmly that there is no point thinking about things in the future - sometimes I have to tell myself the same thing several times a minute but if you truly believe that the future will happen whether you worry about it or not it is possible to reduce the amount you worry about he future.

I'm not sure if his too garbled to follw, I do hope not!
xxx

[Depina]

Thanks Zaf
Sounds sensible to me - I will try that 
XX

[Lol]

Depina, a lot is weighing on your mind. I hope your husband can understand that you need to get it out. that you need the release. One of the great things about a forum is the annonymity it provides. If he is worried about airing your dirty laundery in public then he need not because we don't know who you are!!

Does your husband have people he can talk to? Maybe you could both sit down with a cup of tea and post together? It sounds difficult for both of you.

[Ezel]

Stevie,

Halve the battle is actually admitting that you are depressed and you've admitted that.  Now you can move forward to deal with depression.  It's not easy as I know myself as I was finally diagnosed with severe depression in 2005 aged 43 years old.  I have suffered with it most of my life but for many years I was accused of being moody and attention seeking by my family so I withdrew into myself.  Subsequently I became a self harmer and suicidal which did result in me being hospitalised on one occasion.  Self harming was the only I could let emotional pain out.  Now if my mood gets that low I will see my GP who is very good at talking with me.

Pip

[Got]

Thank you,

but be honest I hate it. Every day I have to wake up and fight it, and it doesnt seem to get any easier. Even when my life is going well, I don't feel good, but when it goes wrong, it takes me to all new lows. It doesnt seem to matter what people say to me to challenge my thinking, even though I know they are right, even though I know if I can think possitive good things will happen and life will et easier, I just cant seem to do it.

XX

[Lol]

That is the problem with depression. You can not just think yourself out of it. It is ultimately a game of patience, whilst at the same time learning to understand yourself and how it manisfests. It is very difficult and is such a struggle. Do consider going to your GP and letting him/her know how you are feeling and what seems to be happening. There is help. You will feel better.

[Zaf]

lol is right Stevie,  and sometimes the more you struggle the lower you become

You do need to go and tell your GP xx

[Got]

I went to my GP three months ago. They refered me to a psychiatrist as my depression is persistant. Before the referal I have had numerous GP visits. After a two month wait I got the refered appoitment, only to find out it was not a psychiatrist, but a councilor. She said my depression was too persistant for her to be of anyhelp, and then she made me a referal to the hospital for an appointment with a psychiatrist. I was told I would be given an assessment via the post and then they would arrange an appointment. However, I got a phone call, and they said the next available appointment is in two months. Thats a five month wait since I asked for the orriginal referal, and by the time this appointment arrives, there is a good chance that I will not be in the country.

I am on 45 mg of mirtzapine which helps, but I still become deeply depressed and I would really like some expert advice, but it is difficult to get. I don't have faith that when I eventually attend an appointment that it will be who it is supposed to be...because the above is a simpified story of what has happened, and I have been passes backwards and forwards repeatedly with each group of people denying that they can help.

[Zaf]

It appalls me how the NHS treats people with depression when it comes to referrals    you do need to go back to your GP to tell him how things currently are and if possible voice your concerns how you have been treated and the long wait, its possible he doesnt realise and could help to speed thingsup

[Got]

I've been back. They have told me I need to wait. I don't beleive that the doctors can help me anyway, they have given me tablets but I'm still very depressed, and getting an appointment is proving close to impossible. They can't change my situtation even if they do try.

I have to do hold on and put up with this horrible depression until one day it goes away. I am already resigned to the fact that I am going to be very unhappy and quite ill for sometime yet, because my life has gone badly wrong, and the efforts I have put in to getting my life on track have ended in ruin. I would like to be happy again one day, but I am 28 years old and I have proven to myself that I cannot get the things I've wanted. During times of tempoary strength I have tried to lead a happy successful life but I have failed, and women who have loved me have now rejected me, so that proves to me that I have no aptitude for a decent life because I let people down and have made mistakes that are unforgivable. The best predictor for future behaviour is past behaviour, and I have no faith in my own abilities to live a normal happy life. Even if I get better I will ruin what I have worked for like I have so many times before.

I am not looking for attention here at all, its just a description of how my mind is at the moment. I can see all the errors in what I have just said, and I know what I would say to someone if they told me the same, but unfortunatly, in my current state of mind it is a firm belief. I am tired of fighting it and trying to force myself to think possitively, the effort is making me feel physically ill.

There is no quick fix to this, I will have to keep working and keep being strong, and hopefully at somepoint I will see sense. I am acutely aware of how this negative thinking isn't helpful, but it is the way I am.

[Zaf]

We all make mistakes Stevie, its part of life   we need to treat the mistakes as an opportunity to learn and to chanGe the way we go forward.  Being depressed takes our confidence away and somehow makes us lose faith in ourselves, once you get all the medical help you need and deserve I hope you will begin to see there is light at he end of the tunnel xx

[Depina]

Thanks Lol for your help,it really makes sense
Love Di XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX