Why me?

[Moore75]

After being home from work for 10 minutes my partner started shouting and swearing at me last night. Whoa, what brought this on? He is a Jekyll & Hyde person & his moods swing from one to the other in the blink of an eye. 

I feel like I am walking on egg shells around him. He has raised his fist to me twice but not actually hit me but the fact that he has raised is fist makes me think he wants to do it and hurt me.

I am overweight and he has been on at me for the last 10 years to loose weight and now that I am losing the weight - for me this time, not him - he is not supporting me, he is a 'feeder', and keeps buying or offering me chocolate to sabotage my weight loss.  I have been told that he is insecure and sees me as a threat.  He keeps telling me that I am going to trade him in for a better model.  At this moment in time, sounds like a blooming good idea - I might get someone to support me rather than bring me down all the time, like he does.  I am constantly getting angry at the slightest little thing which is so unlike me.

Sorry had to get this off my chest, got lots of important work to do today and needed a clear head.

[Pip]

I'm sorry nobody has responded to you.  Your partner sounds controlling which isn't good for any relationship and he needs to deal with his moods.  If you don't make a stand now at best you continue as you are or at worst he could start beating you.  Either way it's not a healthy relationship, it makes you miserable and your partner knows he is getting away with it.

Your partner needs to deal with his mood swings and most probably there is a reason for why this started.  I'm glad you're sensible enough not to blame yourself for this.  Can you suggest he seeks counselling for his mood swings?

If that is too awkward / difficult could you speak toyour GP or one of the nurses?

You have enough to deal with just losing weight without bringing depression into the equation.  His behaviour will have a knock on effect over how you feel.  I hope you can get some support how to deal with this.  If your partner doesn't change he risks losing you. 

[Sweetpea]

Oh I so feel for you.  I was married to someone who sounds just like your partner.  It took much courage but I did leave him.

Your partner needs help as Pip has said.  As for him raising his fist to you - this is definately wrong.  Do you have anyone you can go to to be safe?

We are here for you to listen.

S x

[Moore75]

Hi Sweetpea and Pip

Many thanks for your replies.  Have started on the new tablets today and will see how it get on with them.  Am struggling everyday with my emotions and constantly in tears because of the situation.

Have been to see a councillor and she has told me that he won't change and my best bet is to leave but I am soooo scared - going to be 40 in the new year and possibly alone.

My Sister has said that I can stay with her, but to be honest she is struggling too after loosing her husband earlier this year. But then I do think, sometimes she might enjoy my company in the evenings.

My partner doesn't think there is anything wrong with the relationship and won't acknowledge he needs help. 

Will keep you posted on how things progress.

Thanks.

[Pip]

I am sorry it's been a few days without responding.

Sweetpea is better qualified to advise you over whether to leave your husband or not than me.  However while your partner is in denial he won't change and you're the one who is suffering.

Think about your sister's offer as it is a good one.  Look at it from this point view; she has lost her husband and probably still grieving and could probably do with having a family member with her.  You get to leave your partner, have a roof over your head and can be support for your sister.  Just being there for her will help.

[Sweetpea]

I do hope the new meds help. I am here if you need to say how you are feeling.  I cannot tell you to leave your partner, but if he refuses to admit there is nothing wrong then the situation will continue. 

It sounds to me like your sister would benefit from your company, if only for a while.

Thinking of you.

S x

[stewart]

Hi Moore,
sounds to me the trading him in is a good idea, there is absolutly no excuse for raising his fist to you,
I would agree with Pip & Sweetpea, and take your sisters offer, you have both had a dificult time, and could support each other,
it is little wonder that you find yourself constantly in tears given your situation.

your partner not thinking there is anything wrong with the relationship must make things even harder for you,
taking the approach of losing the weight  for yourself rather than him is a good step in the right direction, set yourself a goal, but not too much too soon.

as for him not supporting you and then buying you chocolate to sabotage your desire to loose weight is a real contradiction of terms on his side.

Just try to remind yourself, it's whats on the inside that counts.