New and struggling with depression/breakdown

[isserley]

Hi everyone
My name is Isserley I am 25 and live in London.
I have struggled with depression my whole life but lately things have been so terrible that I don't know what to do or what's happening/how to bounce back.
I had a job which I loved and was laid off a month ago after having a complete nervous breakdown and being incapable of going to work.
Since then, I have signed on (benefits) and feel like a total loser.
I am not English and all my family live abroad, I also have no friends as I find it very difficult to make/maintain friendships.
I only had my boyfriend in my life and he has now left me too because of my depressed state.
I am finally seeking help from a counsellor and waiting for her to give me an appointment.
I'd also like to add that the main cause for my depression is under achieving/ being stuck in &$%+ty jobs that I feel are "below me"
I also suffer from loneliness and my complete lack of faith/trust in people.
I also have health anxiety and am on anti depressants (Citalopram 20mg)
Is anyone experiencing similar feelings and is willing to chat to me? "£$

[Zaf]

Hi isserley, everyone here is lovely and helpful, are you going to your GP fairly regularly?

[isserley]

Yes, but unfortunately GP doesn't seem to realise how serious my depression is and how much I'm hurting.
I really hope counselling will help as the medication do help me cope but don't solve anything, you know?
I'm glad I found this forum, how many active members does it have?

[Ally]

Hi Isserley.
Welcome to the forum.

I was first diagnosed with depression approx 5 or 6 years ago and I was prescribed 20mg Citalopram which never helped. I was then prescribed different ADs which started to help.

Stick with them, and if you feel that you arn't getting anywhere with your doctor, then make an appointment to see a different GP. Most Surgeries have 3 or 4 GPs.

Also ,you should investigate if there are any self referal counciling centers in your area as that helped me.

Regarding feeling alone and not being from this country, I was on my own for a number of years with my family at the other end of the city and any friends atleast a 30 minute drive from me. So I can relate to feeling on your own and being isolated.
I am still not good at making friends. I'm really not sure how to do as I don't have much in common with most of the people I know
I used to life my life online, working with computers all day, then going home and being on MSN chatting to people all night.

stay positive and we are here if you need us

Ally.

[isserley]

Thank you !  :)

[Got]

Hi,

I'm really sorry to hear this. Its horrible what you are going through. I found myself in a similar situation a while back, fed up of life going wrong and not getting to where I we was working towards, years of things going wrong...and I cracked. Lost my girlfreind (my own fault), and ended up having to move in with my parents.

The loniliness, faith/lack of trust could easily tie in with depression, athough you so seem isolated. I am not sure what to suggest here, because meeting people could help eleviate this. Can you thing of anything you can do to meet new people?

What is your day to day life like? Do you do anything or just stay in?

You are not a looser, you are not lazy and this is not your fault. Maybe in the long run, some changes may need to be made, but this does not mean it is your fault.  The counciling could help with this. I find with the mental health service, that  you if you feel strongly about something, you need to put your foot down abit, I know that isn't easy to do always. You desrve to be taken seriously, and it is the doctors job to listen to how bad you feel, so dont' feel guilty about telling him/her.

Take care,

Steve

[isserley]

Thank you.
My day to day life used to be ok, working, having money to go out on my days off, but since losing my job I have been staying indoors a lot, reading, knitting and generally trying (and mainly failing) to stay optimistic.
My boyfriend leaving me has made everything even worse because now I have absolutely nobody.
Have you solved your problems yet or are you still in a precarious situation?
Isserley

[Zaf]

I'd say the same as Ally about seeing a different GP and emphasising how ill you feel, you're on a fairly low dose of Citralopram and if your depression isnt responding to it you may need a higher dose or a different type of medication.

To be honest I have no idea how many active members there are but ther is usually someone to share problems with or get advice from :)

[Ally]

If your boyfriend left you because of your depression, then he never truely cared for you.
Which is unfortunate. You deserve better than someone that leaves at the first sign of trouble!

Stay positive and although we may be miles (hundreds in some cases) we are all here to help in any way we can.

I know that speaking on here is not the same as face to face (it's difficult to have a hug online) but the messages we share can and should encourage us to get through whatever problems we hare facing.
 ^&^

A.

[isserley]

Yeah I don't really think he ever really cared for me as much as he said he did, besides I never fully trusted him, there was just something about him that  gave me the impression he wasn't being completely honest.
I'm more bummed out because at least I had someone and now I have no one 
Thank you for your message it was comforting  ^&^

[Ally]

Yeah I don't really think he ever really cared for me as much as he said he did, besides I never fully trusted him, there was just something about him that  gave me the impression he wasn't being completely honest.
I'm more bummed out because at least I had someone and now I have no one 
Thank you for your message it was comforting  ^&^

If we can't share some words of kindness, then what would be the point in the forum.
We are all here to help each other in any way we can  ^&^

[Got]

Hi Isserly, I fond your profile pic highly amusing...I'm not sure why. 

I am still in a bad situation mentally, as I have a few things wrong with me it seems....if I could avaoif these mental disturbances..I have a life to go back to. Unfortuantly, I'm in a bit of a mess....but I a working on it.

Keep up with the reading and knitting. With patience, you can get better.... X

[isserley]

The big pink and cream cat of my profile picture is Bagpuss, I collect Bagpuss things.
Bagpuss is an english children's program from the 1970's, check it out it's great!

[Got]

I'm disapointed, thought it was you. 

[isserley]

%^%