Hello
I came across this site as I am struggling again at the moment. I have suffered from depression for years. I have been in hospital twice and tried to take my own life several times. I have been on medication 250g of sertraline, although I took myself off it. I am in a bad place again at the moment. I am 43 and alone. Everyone I love leaves me. For years I have been drinking heavily and hiding it. I also take a packet of night nurse tablets at the weekend to knock myself out. I don't know why I do it. At the moment I am really bad. This is day 6 in bed and I had not eaten either, since a break up. I am in self destruct mode and I do't know what to do. Each time something bad happens I get this way and I feel bad that I don't have a way of coping. The pain is so intense and real as is the guilt. I don't know what to do anymore. Reading posts on here has made me think my problems as so minimal.
I don't have any friends and each time I have a relationship, they seem to leave. I thought I had found love but once again he left and now I feel that is my last chance gone. I have had things happen in my past that I don't think I have dealt with and maybe that makes me unapproachable and unloveable. I am not confident and doubt myself in every way. Although outwardly I probably appear strong and together - it is such an act. I really don't know what to do. I can't go through this yet again.
