more bad thoughts and more bad thoughts - i truly believe that my life, this world, this breed of society is not worthwhile anymore (was it ever?). existing each day and for what? pay another months mortgage for a house i dont particularly like, doing a job i completely despise, being in a relationship in which i dont have sex anymore (i love my partner though), looking in the mirror and feeling disappointed, daydreaming and occupied thoughts of a life other than my own. i fantasise about just f***ing it all off and enjoying the last minutes of peace and genuine happiness that i seldom experienced in this life, knowing that i dont have to return.
its hard - the suicidal thoughts are recurring more and more and more....than ever in my life. the only things i would miss would be music, my partner and scenery such as the beach, woodlands and lakes. i dont want to cry anymore, i dont want to be anxious or stressed out anymore, i dont want to be scared or fearful of the outside world anymore, i dont want to dread every day coming around again - groundhog day - im bored...boring.... _-+
