Why me

[Archive]

Generalfixit   Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 4:54 pm 

I am sat here thinking death is the answer i was great earlier but neighbour turned music up my wife call her landlord straight away but not had this happened for a long time dont know why she did it but I was a few doors away landlord did come up to see her but she had just gone out.

My reaction is shear terror stomach felt sick and i went down from there my wife asked why i let things like that get to me I know i am doing it but cannot stop it was supposed to go to doctors today but cancelled it as i do not see it as a medical problem while typing this i can see death isnt he answer now feeling tired exauseded hands shaking now scared fear i do have medication but takes time to take affect i want to cry now these feelings happen if something happens even if nothing to do with me am i stupid i dont know any more used to think i could sort any problem given to me but these feelings getting worse but its like levels i am going up then level out then gets worse.

how do i stop this getting at me

took my med`s had a short sleep talked to another neighbour general gossip felt better these problems in live are nothing major I can handle full crisis but small things in life affect me badly i can go a few days of high confident nothing bothers me then click a switch in my head and thump then parania - scared - panic the headheaches are realy bad i dont know where to turn to or whats wrong with me.

I have looked at a lot of information am i just deppressed or some form of by-polar,
if anyone could say quide me in right dirrection or sef help would be gratfully appreciated

kind regards
Alan

[Archive]

Ezel   Post subject: Re: Why mePosted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:06 pm 
 
Hi Alan,

You really do need to see your doctor. How you're feeling is affecting your daily life so whilst it is good to come here it is only the first step. Being able to sit down face to face with somebody else will also help you. I wouldn't like to see whether you're just depressed or if it's bi polar so this is where your doctor needs to see you before giving a diagnosis.

Pip

[Archive]

amy    Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:09 pm 
 
Hey Alan,

I've been researching my own clinical depression for a few days now, following my third paracetamol overdose, and a few things you've said remind me of some of the things I've come across.

Take a look at this:

Atypical depression: is major depression (i.e. clinical and not a reaction to traumas/events etc) where the patient reacts to their environment, is sensitive to rejection, may gain weight and sleep more than usual, characterised by mood reactivity - being able to experience improved moods due to positive events.

Obviously the more general characteristics of depression still apply, but I found myself reading the above and thinking it described me quite well.

You wrote: "I can handle full crisis but small things in life affect me badly i can go a few days of high confident nothing bothers me then click a switch in my head and thump then paranoia"

I'm the same... I have an alcoholic mother, and looking after her (on my own as no other family members will have anything to do with her) doesn't bother me, in fact it might even help in some ways. Yet stupid, tiny little things set me off, and then it all builds up and before you know it you've got a million and one things running through your mind.

Have you been to see a doctor? I've spent the past three years or so trying to get the right help, hence the three overdoses. I don't think I was taken seriously at first, but you have to persevere... you seem quite determined to do something about it, but the most important thing is that you have to take the right step. Fair enough, my first step, to hurt myself, wasn't the right way to go about it, but by recognising I needed help, and making sure people knew about my problems, I am finally being treated for it properly.

Obviously some of the things you describe aren't quite the same as me, I can't say I experience the paranoia/panic attacks you do, but I'm not a doctor so there's no point in me, or anyone else for that matter, speculating what condition you actually have. But, it is depression of some nature, and you need to go and ask for help... don't let them fob you off, make sure they listen and if they don't, ask to see someone else.

Hope this helps... amy x

[Archive]

Generalfixit   Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 10:06 pm 
 
thank you for your kind respones I keep make the appointments but on day cancel them thinking everything is ok its normal but it isnt and you have reasured me enough to take next step.
the gp who i used to see left last year and could talk to him with convidence but the other doctors who are there now i feel like i am inposing on them and shouldnt trouble them.
but some of the thoughts that i have had scare me even more if i was to act out any of them well i can honestly say the results would be bad for all around me and that i cannot do so doctors here i come if i can get in to see them the waiting time average is 3 weeks.
but have taken note of what you have sayed and i will follow through thank you for the replys will keep updates of progress.

[Archive]

amy Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 3:40 pm 

hey alan,

I'm so glad you said the replies helped etc...

I used to have a different GP and because of his response the first time I said I was feeling depressed, I ended up in hospital.

BUT, you have to take control of who you are and why you're like that, and if people fob you off or make you feel like you don't deserve their time or help, you need to see someone else.

you shouldn't have to wait three weeks to see a doctor, when you ring them for an appointment, insist you want to be seen as soon as possible, I know it can be daunting but sometimes it helps to explain to the receptionist (over the phone) what's wrong and at least then they can't ignore you. you'll probably find that people are more sympathetic to it than you feared.

one of the best things you can do to help yourself is to talk about how you're feeling, with a friend or someone who's prepared to listen, I'm usually online most nights midweek so please feel free to talk on here or whatever... and you know what, another form of therapy treatment is learning about what's wrong with you... do some research, look into it and your symptoms, and then when you do go to the doctors you're armed and ready to tell them how you feel.

also, before you go to the doctors, write down what you want to say, so that you don't forget anything. take it with you if it helps, they'll read it and at least you'll manage to get everything out without feeling worried

amy xx

[Archive]

Generalfixit Posted: Fri Jul 24, 2009 4:31 pm 
 
Amy thankyou thats the reasuring that someone who knows what it feels like is willing to listen you and you know they understand them feelings.
I have never felt as bad as i have over the last 6 months the thinking of death and self harm I can honestly say have never thought i would experiance them but i have I take a number of medications Venalfaxine and amitriptyline just to name a couple i take wich i can say do work I did try with out them with realy bad side affects never again as this was a bad idea.
I did go to doctors today the walk in surgery the new doctor who has taken over is to say it politely a complete pratt I damaged my spinal cord over 24yrs ago causing problems with walking when i told him of problems he replied take up yoga or if its bad go hiking i was totaly cobsmacked i left I felt this was a total insult given i used to be a martial arts instructor i did marathons was a very fit and active person now my life is totaly the opposite and he knew it because he commented on this fact.
Sorry cannot say what i think of this doctor so I am looking for different doctor alltogether.
I did once thought i had found someone to confide in well that was disaster she is my daughter inlaw put it this way even if she ask`s i want tell.

all the best

Alan

[Archive]

amy    Posted: Sat Jul 25, 2009 2:33 pm 
 
hey alan

how come it was a disaster thinking you could confide in your daughter-in-law?

some doctors are idiots... they refuse to listen to you with the attitude that 'they always know best'. but it's easy enough to change doctors, or, if you know someone else at that health centre ask them who they see and what they think of them, if someone recommends a good doctor there you're well within your rights to go and see them as long as they're part of the same practice as your registered GP.

amy xx

[Archive]

Generalfixit  Posted: Sat Jul 25, 2009 4:50 pm 
 
Thank you Amy,
The gps where we live seem to think that we the patients are wasting their time,
I talked to the receptionist she is realy nice and have dealt with her for 10yrs or so I explained what doctor had said she said that the centre now as a physiactric nurse however to get to see her i have to get the doctor to rever me so asked her regarding the main doctor but its a just over 2 weeks to get in i can go to morning surgery but thats pot luck to end up with the other one.
I have heared that my old doctor is back in the area but very hard to find out which surgery hes at he saw me through my operations and came evry day to see me when i came out of hospital great doctor.
I have started writing down things when they happen but when i read them even 24hrs later its like reading someone else`s comments but it is enlighting doing reshearch it depression and when reading what people say and you go wow thats it, you know that feeling.
I am sat here at moment 5.45 sat and while my daughter talks about building on greenbelt land i feel mys stomach is bad my hands shake but cannot reveal how down i am, screaming in my head but only typing is way to get it out.

[Archive]

Generalfixit   Posted: Sat Jul 25, 2009 10:39 pm 
 

Typical when i have episode which can vary in time lenth but i find myself very tired after a short sleep have taken tablets which now at 23.30 i feel relaxed.
be able to spend sometime checking out CBT forum it makes sence but who comes up with daft prices for charging people isnt it typical that the ones like us who are trying get it sorted find rules make the jurney so hard.

amy i might take you up on offer to talk will have to arrange something

with kind regards

Alan xxxx

[Archive]

amy   Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2009 6:33 pm 
 
hey alan

if you want to talk on msn, feel free to add me, my address is:

amythejourno@hotmail.co.uk

my work email is amy.fenton@nwemail.co.uk, so you can email during the day if it helps, I don't particularly like coming on here while I'm working in case someone looks over my shoulder!

with regards to being referred by the doctor, no doctor can refuse to refer you without a valid reason, in fact if you go and ask specifically for anything they can't just say no, so what I suggest you do is go and see one, write down what you want, who you want to see etc, and ask them... if they say no then complain about them...

you can also get counselling through your GP, and a counsellor can talk through CBT with you, there's no need to pay to see someone, and from my own experience with it, a lot of it can be done on your own etc, using books. my mum's reserved a book at the library for me, it's called CBT for dummies (one of that series), I think she said it's only £7.99 on Amazon too...

I'll be online for a bit tonight, but I've just got in from work and I'm back in at 6am so won't be stopping up too late

take care, amy xx

[Archive]

amy    Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2009 8:22 pm 
 
I've just thought of another thing you could do... ring the psychiatric nurse or their receptionist, and say you asked your doctor if you could see them and they refused, they might be able to request a referral?? worth a shot...x
 

[Archive]

munrodave Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 9:12 pm 
 
I'm wondering what some of these Doctor's get taught at medical school these days - a lot of them just don't seem to care very much at all.
Sometimes, unfortunately, patients have to be quite persistent and determined to get the help they need. It took me ages to pluck up the courage to seek help.
My G.P wasn't too bad, but all he did was prescribe the pills, with no other help offered.

I did go to some counselling sessions a few years ago to deal with a lack of confidence, but they were not terribly helpful..