Hi everyone,
this is my first post here and I'm after some advice from some people who may be in or have seen my predicament.
I'm in my 20's and I have been ,Silently, suffering from Depression for around 3years. It started with a break down at work around 3.5years ago,
I had worked really hard for 6/7years to get to the position I had always wanted and both me and my wife had really good careers everything looked peachy.
We both knew we wanted a child but not at this time as we wanted to enjoy ourselves a little first, maybe travel a bit, however we ended up conceiving our first child which we were really happy about, 2 months before she was due to be born I was made redundant from work which meant that after the birth and recovery of my wife she returned to work full time and I became the main carer of our child ( Grace.).
I found myself feeling very alone Graces routine was my priority at the time so very rarely ventured out, during this time over the years I have lost any bond I may have had with most of my friends, family have moved away and I can not drive, I have tried toddler groups but I find the other Mothers really look down on me and its just uncomfortable. I have no self esteem any more and I find it very uncomfortable being in public in general. I find myself wasting the days away although I know I have things to do and I could be doing things with my Daughter.
My wife also has anxiety issues herself so I don't like to burden her with my problems and it tends to get her wound up as she doesn't deal with uncertainty very well at all.
I am taking anti depressants and have made an appointment with a Therapist but my main concern is that I am not coping at work I have taken on a Night shift job at a local supermarket working only 2 nights a week ( 10hrs.) going from a managerial position to becoming a carer / shelf stacker practically over night has really knocked me down and I literally feel like my stomach is in my throat before I go in, once there I'm useless simple tasks are taking me ages and I find I just zone out and my mind goes cloudy (cant concentrate etc.) when my colleagues / manager mention my performance I get angry in frustration as I don't want them to know my condition.
The supermarket I work at, I know the second I mention the word depression they will be gunning for me, the management are not the understanding types and I don't know if I have the energy / will to fight them.
I feel I really want to leave and that it would be best for me and my family as I would be a lot more relaxed at home, I've taken 3 weeks signed off now and all I can think about is having to go back . I'm worried that if I leave I'll be letting my family down in terms of money, so I wanted to know if you guys/gals knew of any help available we get basic benefits at the moment as my wife earns 18.5k and of course we have Grace.
I make myself laugh when I look at my life, I have a lovely wife, healthy child, roof over my head and dog the whole package but I still feel alone and miserable most of the time I'm extremely forgetful and seem to spend most of my life in a daze. I really want to get better and I'm hopeful this will just be a phase in life for me that will pass in time.
thank you all for taking the time to read this, I know its a long one, and I really appreciate any comments I may receive, it's been great to find this site and see that I'm not alone in feeling this way.
Richard
