Isolation

[lostmyway]

Hi all,

I don't know if anyone else feels like I do but because of my 'situation' I am feeling more and more isolated from  things.  I am studying right now, which i do in my bedroom.  But I feel i no longer go out and socialise anymore as i don't have a job, and consequently the means to .  Most of the friends were at work , but half were probably acquaintances anyway.

So i am at a crossroads and don't know what to do next, for the best.   I feel everything is in limbo.  One thing that worries me is my increased sleep cycle.  I rarely get up before 9am, as I don't see much point, as I have nothing really to get up for.  There is only so much writing and reading that I can manage in a day , after that I don't know what else to do.  Pubs don't interest me.

8 months of this and counting.  I hope it ends eventually, cos god knows how I am going to cope if it doesn't.

[Pip]

There are things you can do to get you up and out.  For example setting an alarm to go off at 8 am and make yourself breakfast even if it's just toast and a drink.  Get yourself to the library to look for reference books to read.  i know it's easy to do study at home as you can get information off the internet but going to the library gets you out of the house, walking and getting fresh air.  If you like swimming then go to your local leisure centre.  If you can go out for a reason it will do you good and you never know who you will meet when you are out.

[JC]

I have, more or less, isolated myself from my friends, which sets up a cycle of feeling isolated and not knowing what to do with yourself but also not wanting to be with people the less you interact with them.

I know it is vey difficult when you are depressed but, as Pip says, perhaps you could try things that would get you out of the house. Going for a walk is a great idea; I have a dog so do a lot of walking and it helps to distract me a bit as I notice things around me. Of course, you don't need to have a dog and you will find that other walkers will often stop for a chat. It is a bit of social interaction, doesn't take up much of your time and you can choose whether or not you want to do it.

[lostmyway]

hi JC

Thanks for the reply.  It is hard to get out when you least feel like it.  As we all know it is getting colder, and darker now.  That makes me not want to go out too.  I have never had a huge social circle, I am not sure why.  Some find it easy to do it, while others like myself find it more difficult.  You can't change who you are, and make people like you, etc.  It maybe stating the obvious, but it's nonetheless true.  I find myself less interested in things and feeling trapped in a vicious circle of negative emotions (which i hate btw).

Been like this on and off for years, and i don't like it.

[Pip]

Do you suffer with SAD?

I can handle it getting dark early but I hate getting up when it's dark.  Hubby was supposed to be having a stent put in today so we had to be up at a reasonable as hospital transport was picking us up anytime from 8.30 am.  I woke up at 6.30 am and couldn't get back to sleep so got up.  The transport turned up at 10.30 am and and at about 3.45 pm we got told that the op wouldn't be happening as they had had an emergency in and the person before hubby wouldn't be out for a while then it would be too late for his stent to be done  .  It will be done next year now so we are both disgruntled which wasn't helped by not getting home till 6.30pm.     

[lostmyway]

hi pip

I think maybe i do a bit.  Winter seems to be a time when i feel worse. The amount of sunlight , the shorter day and so on.  Christmas is supposed to be a happy family time, but I am sure that's not the case for everybody.  I am studying to stop my mind from thinking about other things, that must be a good thing.

I know about hospitals, they can be a pain.  Changing appointment times/days etc.  They always lament when people don't turn up for the appointment, yet they do things like that to patients.
Waiting for buses is also irksome...   Parking can be fun too!

[JC]

Hi lostmyway

The cycle of negative emotions is very hard to break, especially at this time of year. Winter is horrible, the cold, damp and dark certainly do not help if you don't feel like going out anyway. I have to work so I get up and travel to work in the dark, on the days I don't have to go out of the office I barely see daylight, then I travel home in the dark, it really does nothing for your mood. Christmas used to be a happy time for me but not looking forward to this one at all, it can be a very stressful time for a lot of people.

Your studies probably provide a distraction, to a point, but it is when you get home and close the door that your isolation really hits home isn't it?

Hi Pip

So sorry to hear about your day. Amazing how if you DNA they come down on you like a ton of bricks but they can cancel with no notice at all! That was a very long and frustrating day for you both with no result.

[lostmyway]

hi

I am finding that the combination of being out of work, and the study of this course with the Open Uni, and the obvious isolation involved is adding a lot to my stress levels.  I sleep too long, goto bed late, and it seems unending.  im 42 and don't need it in my life.  i could tell my mother but it wouldnt help, and id endup at the Docs again , upping the meds.  I am literally at wits end right now.

[alicebakescakes]

Hi,

I can completely understand how you are feeling. I live alone, and only moved to the area in the summer, so have no friends round here and feel pretty isolated. I am signed off work at the moment due to stress as well, so don't even have contact with those people. At the moment, I get quite anxious about going out and seeing people I might then have to talk to, so often isolate myself even more.

One thing I have found that helps is every night I write down things I need to do the next day, and one of those things must involve going out the house. Sometimes it is going to the library, sometimes to the supermarket, today I'm going to the post office. In really bad times, it might be walking to the pillar box, or to the end of the road and back. I find having it on a list with other things to do means that I'm more likely to actually do it, and there's the satisfaction of ticking something off the list after. Although going out and doing these things seems stressful and hard, once I've done it I have something to feel proud of myself for achieving, and the fresh air/outside world can sometimes lift my mood too.  :smile:

[lostmyway]

hi Alice

The weird thing is i know these things would probably make me feel better, but I end up not wanting to, or dont feel a desire to do them.  It's self-fulfilling, and odd.
Christmas is around the corner, and my mother seems to suffer from memory loss, and i feel i have to correct her, reassure her with various things all the time, which frankly wears me down a bit.
my other sibling isnt here and lives in a  foreign land.  So I am on my own with my moodswings and dark thoughts.   Consequently I worry about the future and what it may hold. 

[Pip]

Yes I know what you mean about DNA.  Recently Rick had an appointment at the local hospital for his hearing.  I booked it online but when he turned up at the hospital he was told that they didn't have any record of the appointment.  He then got a letter through about him not attending so we were both annoyed as he had turned up.

A new appointment for having a stent put in has come through and it's going to be on the 8th January now.