Hello from me

[Chocsrus]

Hi,

Just wanted to introduce myself.  I've had a brief look through the forums and it looks a good place.  It's kind of comforting to know everyone is or has been in similar situations.
I've been struggling with depression for some time now but only went to the GP about 18 months ago.  I'm still up and down (which is incredibly tiring) mostly nestled in the down with just small snatches of positivity.
Even though feeling totally miserable and wondering what's the point of living (I can't commit suicide so just pray for my life to end) I can and do laugh at some things .... is that normal?  There is just a battle going on within myself.  I don't even make any sense.
I have more or less cut myself off from everyone and everything so online seems to be my window to the world.  It would be good to be able to 'talk' with some people who understand.

[stewart]

hi Chocsrus,
welcome to the forums, the thoughts and feelings you are experiancing are indeed pard of depression, what if any meds did the doc put you on?
if they are not doing much for you then talk to your doc again and you may be given an increased doseage or a change of neds as not all meds work for everyone.

[Chocsrus]

Yes, I'm on citalopram.  The doseage has been upped but it's not seemed to have helped.  I go back later this week.  I was tried on something else (duloxatine or something like that - made me think of dulux paint) which did help after a while but not until I'd gone suicidal first.  I'm scared of that happening again.

[Pip]

It does help being able to have contact with people who understand.  Citalopram helped me for a few months then stopped working.  Around that time I was doing CBT online which helped with anxiety as I struggle with being in busy places like shops and town centres.  When I saw my doctor all because I said the CBT had helped but the citalopram wasn't doing anything for me she decided in her wisdom that I didn't need an anti depressant.  This was last year so I struggled for several months which wasn't helped by outside influences such as a neighbour from hell.  I got to the stage that I needed something to help with my mood so got to a doctor on Saturday ~ we have moved because of the neighbour so under a new surgery.  She listened to me and has prescribed sertraline. 

The members here are friendly so that will help you and you can have a rant as well knowing that others understand.

[Chocsrus]

Thank you, I know I'm hurting my husband who is being as supportive as he can be but he just doesn't understand and I can't explain it to him.  I can't explain it to myself either.
I'm yo-yoing between shutting myself away and trying to see people.  I find it difficult to see others as I don't want them to see me like this but I can't hide it anymore and don't want anyone to feel obliged to still have anything to do with me.  I've even been obnoxious so that they won't have anything more to do with me.  Online is sort of like my window to the world - some form of contact.  At least no-one can see me or the state I'm in.

[JC]

Hi Chocsrus

It is very difficult for people who don't have depression to understand how we feel; my friends and family are as supportive as they know how to be but I have isolated myself from them to some degree because I find it so hard to talk to them at times.

Members here are very friendly and supportive, it has helped me to talk with people who have shared similar experiences and understand the effect that depression can have on your day to day life. I hope you find the forum as helpful as I have.

[Chocsrus]

Thanks, JC.

[stewart]

Hi Chocsrus, JC is quite right, only those who have had, or are still going through depression have a real understanding how it can impact on even the most basic of tasks.

as for the meds, it is not uncommon for some people to be on a combination of tablets, while none of them act as the so called 'happy pill', they can take the edge off things. unfortunatly it can take a while for you and your doc to find a drug, or combination of drugs that help the best, so it is important for you to tell your doc how you find the medication, even if for a few weeks you write down how you feel each day, and give list this to your doc.

many of these meds can for some people cause drowsyness in the afternoon (amytryptaline is one such tablet, can be taked as a sleeping tablet or antidepressent, unfortunatly while it may help you get to sleep, it can come back for a second belt in the afternoon.)