Hi
Thought I would take this opportunity to introduce myself..well at least give you my background and some thoughts on a few of the posts I have read in this forum - which I stumbled upon whilst "researching" my depression. Please do not see this post as preaching or criticism, just my views.
One day I over reacted at work and was in a bit of trouble. Someone advised me to see my doctor, just to chat. In someways it was the best thing I ever did.
Four years later after a nervous breakdown, a number of suicide attempts, CBT and Counselling I have been diagnosed with recurrent major depression and generalised anxiety. This I now know was brought on, not by my work, but by abuse I suffered in childhood.
I have tried to go back to work, only for my depression to return. I am no longer working and have not stepped into my office for over 14 months. I am in the process of being medically retired ( a benefit of being public sector, private sector I would have been out long ago). Fortunately, many years ago I took out an Income Protection Policy which is assisting financially, as my work no longer pay me money. I am reduced from a hard working, successful, healthy male to a seriously ill wreck, who sometimes cannot even be bothered to wash and thinks of suicide daily.
I am lucky in that my wife has been extremely loving and understanding. Also the NHS postcode lottery means that in general I have received good support from the health professionals (within reason).
Reading this forum has made me smile, because so much of what people have written is familiar, the same worries, the same problems. This reminds me that what is occurring is not real, just a symptom of my illness. Although things are black at times my advice to anyone who has been diagnosed and is looking for answers is to be honest. Remember you are seriously ill and need to take care of yourself, as best as your situation allows. Accepting this is the first step. Do not sit around awaiting a phone call from the mental health team to solve your problems or hoping things will change at work when a new boss takes over. At the end of the day NO ONE will be able to help you if you do not want to make the effort yourself, even if we are only talking about very small changes, like giving up coffee or getting some fresh air at lunch time. I appreciate some people will be saying " thats easy for him to say, harder in practise" I accept that, all I am saying is try to make small changes, after all what have you to lose, how could things get any worse. You will be surprised by what differences over time small things can make. In my experience exercise, even if it is a shuffle around the garden, works as does meditation. These small, free and easily available things have saved my life, not drugs or doctors. Recently, I have aquired a small dog, which has forced me out on days when I didnot feel like it. The dog takes advantage of my insomnia, if you do not sleep whats the problem in standing in the garden with a puppy at three in the morning!
I have made this post in the hope that someone reads what I have said and realises they are not alone in their situation or thoughts. They are part of your illness and not unique to you. My situation is very serious. In many ways I have reached bottom, but, I would not change a thing and count myself lucky I have had the chance to realise what is important in life. Remember its not life thats the problem but how you view it.
Good luck
