I'm Half Empty

[HalfEmpty]

Hello again Everyone,

It's now been 3 weeks since my husband is diagnosed with Depression. And although things are still the same, compare to 3 weeks ago, it's a little better. But that's just me talking.

My husband agreed to a last minute weekend away. I thought after booking a spa break were not going to be able to go because he was very upset when packing and I felt so guilty for even suggesting it. I remember one said that even leaving the house is stressful. But hubby insisted to go. He broke down a few times on the way to our destination. Morning time is the worst time for him. He's been on Citalopram for 3 weeks and he doesn't feel any different.

The Spa hotel we stated in has a golf course attached and after he saw some people playing, he decided to play golf yesterday ( hubby is a very keen golfer and he stopped playing when he got diagnosed). He was going to be a single player (with me just driving the buggy)but he was paired with another guest. I worried again thinking he might not be able to cope with a stranger but hubby agreed and for 4 hours he played well and even laughed a couple of times. We were just do lucky with the other guest who was so nice and really chatty about some common things with hubby.

But then it finished and were back home and I'm back to work. Hubby feels really low again and he asked me if he's ever going to get better. He spent most time in bed today. He said he feels really weak and has no appetite.

He's now on 20mg of Citalopram a day and he's taking 2mg of Diazepam up to 3 times a day. He's constipated one day and very loose the next. Every time he had a little to eat, he gets terrible stomach cramps. I've noticed that his hands have started shaking and he said he's legs aches. Are these things normal? Is it ever going to go away?

He's got an appointment to see his GP on Wednesday to review his medication. Is it worth continuing with present dose of Citalopram or discuss a change of Meds. I've heard that there is so many Meds being used to help with depression. Hubby thinks he's hallucinating too.

Any advice please will be great.

Many thanks again.
HalfEmpty xx

[Zaf]

Most meds take 4-6 weeks to start to kick in properly, but its definitely worth your husband talking to his doctor about the side effects he seems to be having - its very usual to be down after an outing even if we have enjoyed ourselves, I think its a reaction to being out and feeling a bit stressed.

Thinking of you

Z xx

[Buttercup]

I would definitely talk about your concerns to the GP. It is still early days for the meds and 20 mg is quite a low dose so don't be disheartened that there isn't a dramatic improvement.

Good luck on Wednesday xxx

[Sweetpea]

So pleased you managed to get away and that hubby enjoyed his golf.

I only started  with IBS when I got depression.  But it could also be his medication, worth a mention to your dr.

I also remember saying to my hubby 'am I ever going to get better'.  Its a very frightening illness and this is a normal feeling.  Know this must be hard for you to hear you OH saying this to you.

Mention it to your dr when seeing him for medication review that there seems to be no improvement and maybe ask about changing meds.

 &*( &*( for you both.

S x

[HalfEmpty]

Hi Friendly people 

It's me again. Sorry to be bothering you again.

My hubby been to see his GP today. Not keen on changing his present medications of 20mg Citalopram. Apparently it's too soon. He's been on 20mg for about 10 days I think. Only prescribed more Diazepam to use sparingly. Hubby seems very impatient and kept saying that "people" does not understand how he's feeling. I am trying to understand, really I do. But am I wrong to show my feelings to him. I got upset infront of him again yerterday. I'm sorry but I tried to hold it in but I couldn't. I felt guilty coz I think ive upset him too. Am I allowed to be honest with him with regards to everyday situation i.e. our future financial situation. Or will it upset him more if I tell him? One day he wants to go back to work but next day he doesn't.

Managed to get some time off during the day but still have to work and do night shifts. Hubby spent most time in bed again today. He texted me this am whilst I'm at work saying its no point of getting out of bed.

Any advice on how far I should go to motivate him. Doctor told him to "do something". But what? He's lost interest in everything.

He's also talking about hypnotherapy. Does anyone tried this to help with depression. Any recommendations please. He still waiting to hear about counselling.

Sad And HalfEmpty

[Buttercup]

I really feel for you both &*( &*(

It does take weeks for antidepressant to start working properly and it's a good idea to use the diazepam sparingly as it is very addictive and can make you feel sluggish for a long time after.

Coming from the point of view of a sufferer I would hate to think that my husband was keeping secrets/worries from me. But that me, I like to be in the know.

It's going to be hard but I think you need to be firm (ish) on the motivation front. I know that one of the cbt techniques is all about getting into a routine. It will rake time and be up and down but it is important. I'm lucky, I have children so I have to fo the school run. I like to go for a quiet walk on the way home. Maybe you could suggest a daily walk or something.

Take care, you need to think of yourself as well xxx

[Sweetpea]

I really feel for both of you. 

10 days is very early it can take time for the meds to work. I remember wanting them to work like a headache tablet (to just take it away) but they do not work like that.  It just takes time and its very gradual.

I also would not want my hubby to keep things from me, I wanted things to carry on as usual  around me, otherwise I just felt more guilty for being ill.

It is very difficult to get motivated when depressed, I found it very hard just getting out of bed and getting in the shower was like climbing a mountain.  I always felt better once I had done this but it was hard.  I was once told its baby steps.  Try to give myself a small goal to achieve each day.

I did try hypnotherapy and yes it did help me, but please make sure they are registered.  If nothing else it gave me relaxation techniques by doing the regulated breathing, I would do it at home on the bed and I would relax so much I would drift off to sleep.

I would also like to say you are not bothering us, we understand and we are willing to listen and help.

S x

[Zaf]

I was told by my GP that it was not possible to up the dose for 4 weeks as its usually how long it takes to work,  apparently you can have side effects with citralopram if you take a big dose too soon.

Ive no idea about hypnotherapy but it might be worth asking your GP before embarking on something like that.

Getting motivation is incredibly difficult when depressed,  I use the work and reward system my GP advised to me when all I could do was stare at the TV all day, it might work for your husband

Z xx

[HalfEmpty]

Hello, it's me again.

I've been wanting to post some of my worries again but just don't know where to start.

Im desperate again today. Hubby doesn't seems to be getting any different. We took a walk yesterday and it's seems that hes developed some sort of panic attack around people. I thought he's going to collapse. He seems to be so anxious around people which is very unlike him. He's such a friendly person and before I always moan at him that he talks to any person that he sees when we're out. Now he can't seems to handle being around other people.

He's still being very tearfull. Not interested in anything. Not eating much and spend most time in bed.

I am really that bad to feel so frustrated. He cries most if the time when I'm around. Takes himself out for hours at a time. And I think he's very secretive with who he speaks on his mobile.

Im not being secretive with regards to our finances. He is aware of everything before he got diagnosed. But how can I tell him that it's going to get worst now that he can't work with only my wage coming in. Our work does not give sick pay. SSP will not be enough to cover our outgoings.

Hes so overwhelmed of all negative things that had happened and could happen and despite my reassurance he doesn't seems to believe me. He told me that he's now having nightmares. All bad things too.

He's received an appointment for his first counselling session next Friday. I really hope they could help him.

HalfEmpty x

[Buttercup]

Feel free to post your worries  :)

It can take a long time to see any benefits from the antidepressants and it is a long frustrating process so don't beat yourself up about the way you are feeling.

I find it difficult to be around people when I am depressed and start to panic even when out for a walk.

Hope the counselling helps, but it might stir things up to begin with.  &*(

[HalfEmpty]

Can I speaks to my hubby about the things that frustrates me and things that really upsets me at the moment. The thing is its all about him. How do you think he would react? Will it make him worst?

I needed him to know how I feel but I'm worried that he might not take it so well. But i feel that if I don't tell him, I am ready to walk out.

Thank you Buttercup, but i am really really sorry to feel like this. I love my hubby so much but I feel I'm not strong enough to help him get through his depression.

Desperate,
HalfEmpty

[Buttercup]

You are strong enough, sometimes it's just really hard, I know my hubby feels helpless and says that sometimes it feels like I'm pushing him away. I don't mean to fo this and I'm not aware that I am until he points it out.

My hubby does talk tome about things and yes it is difficult to listen to at the time but it does make things better and I think makes us stronger. I would worry excessively if I thought he was holding things from me.

Take care xxx

[Sweetpea]

Its so difficult for the partners and loved ones of people suffering with depression.

I do not think it is a bad thing to talk about how you feel, you are in this together.

You are strong enough and it will not last forever, hopefully his medication will start to work for him soon.

S x x

[HalfEmpty]

That awkward moment that we haven't got anything to say to each other 

 

[Half full]

I know it can be difficult as a partner, but as long as there is trust and honesty on both sides, the love you have for each other will the bond that holds you together.

Half full