Work, or lack of

[Laura]

I was made redundant at the end of 2008. Possibly because I couldn't cope with the company I worked for... there was no work for me and I wasn't in a fit state to find stuff to do.
I spent the next 6 months helping to care for my dad in his final weeks.
Since then I haven't had the confidence to apply for jobs.

It's a twofold thing.
a) I don't feel up to dealing with people and don't think I am able to 'sell' myself to a prospective employers
b) All the jobs I have had have been pretty much bottom of the pile, filling envelopes, tidying filing cabinets etc, despite the fact I'm a graduate with a high IQ and some good ideas. I was never asked my opinion on anything that mattered and in one job was actively bullied. I really don't want to go back to the kind of work that increases my sense of being valueless.

I am lucky in that Dad left me an income of sorts, though not enough to pay for everything I have to borrow money from Mum. Of course we are also in a period of such poor employment figures that every job has dozens of applicants (I don't cope well with getting no reply to a CV etc) so I am competing with a lot of people, some of whom have much higher confidence levels.

Also, my sister, who was always supposed to be the family dunce, got straight As in exams and a first at Uni and now has a high powered managerial position in a multinational media company. It feels like she got my life somehow. (Although I wouldn't be able to cope with the hours she works).

At the moment my lack of academic success despite being predicted to do very well, lack of career, lack of fulfilling employment is driving me nuts. I guess I need to accept I'm not as clever or special as people told me I was when I was a kid but I still don't think I can go back to envelope stuffing.

[Got]

From a philosophical perspective I recommend reading Alain de Bottons 'Status Anxiety,' if you havn't already.

I understand your situation, I was a graduate from a good university, good degree, well travelled, well read. Not saying I'm smart, I genuinly do not think I am, but I beleive I have skills at least. Couldn't find a decent job...impossible...no decent work experience = no decent job. Thats the very hard truth about todays current climate. Even when you do have experience, its still tough to get a job.

Sounds like your sister got lucky. Not so long ago companies took in bright graduates, and even sponsered them to do Msc's to further their career. Not anymore.

Based on what you are saying, this appears to be no reflection of yourself. This isn't your own failing.

Children who are told they are bright, and often are bright, often have trouble adjusting to adult life when they realise it isn't that straight forward, been bright doesn't guarantee any kind of success. I am sure you are smart, and thats why you feel so bored in these jobs. You require stimulus, and purpose. You are going to have to find ways of living that can fulfill your psychological needs. You're smart, so maybe you need to try to think out of the box somewhat to come up with ideas...as the current job market is pants.

I'm not trying to be negative here, just a realist.....god knows I had job/status/anxiety for a number of years, and it does nothing for your self esteem, self worth, or confidence.

Are there other ways you can try to build confidence?

I'm not trying to belittle your feeling here, the situation you're in really knocks your self esteem in a culture in which success and status is everything, especially to those of us with aspirations.

I the process of overcoming all of this, and you will, in the long run you will be a stronger, more confident and experienced human being.

Love Steve X

[Zaf]

Steve has said it all Laura, I wonder if some sort of charity work might help ease you back to interacting with people etc, it would also look good on your CV when you feel capable of looking for paid employment