Damn, damn, damn...

[account deleted]

Just when I thought I was beginning to get a grip, I let myself slip back down again.
I could even feel it happening but was helpless to stop it.
I was out with a couple of friends. One or two made comments what were innocuous enough and I know they meant no harm really but the little niggling voices inside were saying, it's because they don't like you.
They just tolerate you.
Arrrgggghhhh! Rational me, knows this isn't true, but there's that anxious side of me that can't work out why I deserve to be liked by anyone.
I feel bad that my wife and kids ended up with a screw up like me.

Didn't sleep a wink last night. Couldn't switch my head off, feel like running away.

Okay, so time to start putting the pieces back together... can't give up yet.

[bel]

Hi guitarman,

This is so familiar. Been there, done that, got the t shirt (in various sizes).
It's good that you recognise what's going on, that's a pretty major achievement, so don't give yourself a hard time that you couldn't stop it as well. You're doing the best you can. I know it's easy to say, but try not to put yourself down. Give yourself praise for learing to deal with this, it is hard work and there can be setbacks, but you're getting there.

Keep it up 

[AliMcBeer]

Hey Guitarman,

like Bel said its good you recognise the signs, thats a positive thing. Its a slippery road and as long as we accept there will be a bit of sliding backwards from time to time and know it when it happens we can get back on track again.

You know your friends are not really thinking like that and thats a good thing. The thing is you have insecurities, and thats ok, you have to beat down your anxious side and keep telling yourself i do deserve to be liked, im a good guy. make it your daily affirmation.

As for sleeping, i know it sounds mad, but have you or one of the kids got a ds? i swear by mine at bedtime, i jus play crappy games like jewel quest one where i dont have to think its jus visual, helps to switch my brain into numb mode, might be worth a try:)

My family call me a screwball to my face!lol i dont feel bad for them, they wouldnt be here if they didnt love me i reckon:p

[account deleted]

Yeah, the kids have a DS, can't get the damn thing off them!
To be honest, my trick to sleeping, is to read until the book is hitting me in the face... then I normally sleep pretty good.
The problem with that is wifey doesn't like me reading in bed... So I sometimes, listen to relaxing music on my headphones, but I often wake up when the wire is choking me or the speakers have been pushed so far into my ears I could floss my brain clean!

Anyhow, thanks for the chat!

(Fingers crossed for Monday for you. Be confident, head up, shoulders back, big smile, make them need you back.)

  :)

[account deleted]

Hi Bel,

Yes, it is familiar to me too, that's what I find so frustrating, that even when I know what's going on, I'm powerless to stop myself!! 

But you're right it is a major acheivement and one I'm very pleased with, you can't fix it, if you don't know what's wrong etc... and I will fix it.

I think what's also an acheivment is knowing that there will be more setbacks but knowing that's okay. I will be able to deal with those too...