disoriented

[acorn]

Hi,  may sound strange,  but there's one thing that I find the hardest to come to terms with in depression is impaired cognitive function.  so basic stuff like feeling completely disoriented in places I'm not familiar with  (both inside and outside).  It's as if I can give myself space to think things through.  Leaves me feeling very vunerable

[Amanda_George]

Are you seeing a counselor or therapist or anything like that?  I used to feel the same because the only real life contact I have is with my husband and Fergus but I found that keeping a blog and talking on here as if everyone was sitting with me helped eventually.

Maybe have a word with your GP about it and see if there's anything they can suggest?  Are you able to get out of the house and stuff like that to walk dogs or do shopping for elderly neighbours or anything like that?  It doesn't have to be forever (unless you want it to be) but you would be supporting yourself and getting you out and about helping others too?

It doesn't have to be more than once a week, just try and involve yourself in your community or summat?

If you don't feel able to go out in the community, maybe start a blog or something?

 

[acorn]

thank you Amanda,  no,  hopefully not forever.  I live with my wife & young son &  cat so not alone.  . saw gp at beginning of the week and he's signed me off work for now. He didn't seem interested in my symptoms,  talked a lot about how he deals with stress in his practise! I was feeling so vulnerable that forgot to ask about referral to a therapist.   Hopefully next time.

I'll try to look into a blog,  hopefully with a view to volunteering in the future. (feel at a crossroads with work)

[Amanda_George]

Could you and your family maybe go on a short walk every morning just to see how it affects your mood and motivation?  It doesn't have to be a long walk, but my hubby has been coming out on my walks with the pup for the last 3 days and it's really lifted his mood is all.

Maybe phone your GP and ask the receptionist (can't think of the right job title) to ask your GP about talking therapy so that you don't have to wait so long for the referral?  Can you afford to go private or is there a local independent place you can try too?

I'd say definitely try blogging - just getting it out there really helps!  What sort of volunteering are you thinking of trying in the future?

[acorn]

Yes,  only first few days of black dog that I didn't go out,  but I take myself out mostly every day.  Good idea about talking therapy,  I'll call and talk to the receptionist .. hadn't formed any specifics about volunteering,  seems a little daunting at the mo,  but I guess in good time.  thanks Amanda

[Amanda_George]

Totally understandably, Acorn!  Steve felt the same way on Tuesday, but since Wednesday he's been joining me every day and he's going to try taking the pup for her full walk tomorrow and I'll just hang around by the door - if you can find the motivation then a ten minute walk every morning is all you need to set you up for the day   

What are your interests?  Do you live close to a hospital you can volunteer at or anything like that?  How about a vet or playgroup?  What sort of thing do you want to work on with yourself most?  Is there anything local to you that might also help with that particular self-improvement?  How about volunteering at a local charity or something like that?  Doesn't have to be every day, just once a week to start with.

Just take things at your own pace... push yourself a little bit when you feel able to and give yourself lots of rewards!

[acorn]

Ah,  thank you for your understanding and sound advice :).  great to hear your Steve is getting out too   . I agree getting out every day is important to try and keep the black dog a little at bay. 

I try to at least notice one nice or unique thing on the walk,  I have heightened anxiety when outside so this is a challange. Will do this however bad I'm feeling is my target at the moment.  Getting a little more sleep and appetite with my meds
 

[Amanda_George]

Have you got a camcorder or dictaphone or anything like that?  Maybe you could come up with a video diary to take with you on your walk?  Maybe take yourself to somewhere and just sit there talking to yourself?  I need new locations for the novels I write, so maybe you could take yourself to somewhere and describe it in detail to me so that I can use it?  It doesn't need to be far away, unless you want it to be, I just walk the pup between our two neighbours houses... maybe you could try something like that?

Take your Black Dog for a walk and teach it to sit and heel and stuff?  After a few days training it'll know exactly what you want and leave you alone for a few hours after every walk   

[acorn]

I'm at a place by the river.  it was stormy last night but now calm and sunny. Willow trees skirt the footpath that follow the river course.  Across the river are fields that have grazing horses.  I have seen them come to the river to drink.  The river surface is slightly rippled,  a slight breeze has developed.  I see the clouds are moving at a fair pace now. On the east side of the river there is parkland which doubles as a flood plain in times of need.

It's quiet today,  passed only a couple of dog walkers.  I left my dog upstream for a little while and enjoyed the sunshine a little.  It's pleasant to feel the warmth of the sun on my face.  For a while it feels effortless to live for this moment

[Amanda_George]

Are there any ducks on the river?  How do you get there - hills?  Corners?  Rural or urban?  I'm not asking for place names or anything, I just need to come up with a home location on Thraag today is all!

[acorn]

The river snakes into town. No ducks on that day,  but there is commonly,  they may be upstream feeding,  sometimes swans too.  No hills to speak of here,  but apart from the hum of the nearby road that I cross to get down to the river,  you would'nt guess it is urban. There is park on the west side of the river and fields to the east.

I haven't heard of thragg,  sounds curious.

[Amanda_George]

OK, cool... Thraag will have an orange river with some kind of duck/swan combination swimming on it then!

Thraag is going to be the location that my next novel is set in... just need to plan it out first though!  lol

[acorn]

nice,  no ducks today either  Do you publish your novels?

[Amanda_George]

I've only had one vanity published so far, but yep, that's what I do to keep me on the straight and narrow   

How are you doing today?

[acorn]

such a nice hobby,  must take dedication to finish a novel & a good feeling to finish I would guess. Maybe share your title if you are comfortable with that some time.

I'm feeling a little better the last couple of days I think.  A little less internalisation which is always a relief.  thank you for asking