Depression Forums
General => Medication => Topic started by: CharleysAngel' on July 14, 2012, 09:01:05 PM
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I really think its time to try some form of medication. I thought the counselling therapy was working but now I have just gone completely downhill. I don't really trust my counsellor very much and I can't change to a different one.
I have been feeling very low and anxious recently. I have cried almost every night for the past week, I feel lonely and confused because I don't want people near me. I have been tempted to start cutting again but have resisted it so far. I have had more suicidal thoughts, eventhough I have abslutely no intention of carrying them out they are still there. I have not been eating properly because I am terrified that I might be sick for some reason or I might get fat. I get very panicky when I have to go out, all my muscles seize up and I can't breathe and I feel like I am going to be sick. I am heavily relying on painkillers all the time, I feel so physically uncomfortable with my aches and pains and tiredness. I cannot leave the house without painkillers because I am scared of getting pain attacks while I am out, this has happened before. I have tried to avoid going out at all cost because it makes me feel so ill. I have started having bad dreams and poor sleep again too.
I'm really getting to the point where I feel that counselling alone isn't enough. I think I need some sort of medication even if its just to help me keep calm while I am out. Please help I need people opinions on this, I know its going to be a hard battle to get anything xx
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I personally think the only way is to be completely honest with your Dr icelolly. She cannot help you unless she knows how you have been and are feeling. Its such a shame you cannot change your counsellor. It makes such a difference if you have a good rapport with each other %^%. S x x x x
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Shaz is right IceLolly xxx
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Icelolly. I did not want to go on medication as i felt i was giving in. However it has awakened me to my issues and once again i am living.
I have not entered counselling but if i did i would have to have faith and trust otherwise it would be detrimental to my healing.
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Shaz is right, your GP can't help you until she knows about everything you're going through %^% %^% xx
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You're right, I do need to be more honest with my GP. Its so hard though, I'm worried about what's going to happen to me :'(
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It is hard IceLolly but I think its time to really get it out in the open with your doctor if you possibly can xx
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Your Dr is there to help you Icelolly. Try and be open with her if you can %^%. S x x x x
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Next time I go see her I will try to explain everything. It won't be for a while though because I need to get my bloodtests done again first and she said to wait a few weeks and give my veins a chance to heal properly, seeing as I still have the buises from the last lot. I really don't want to be referred to CAMHS again, if that's the only option then I am afraid I am going to have to refuse, I'm old enough to make choices without my parents involvement.
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I thonk you're right IceLolly xxx
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I understand what you are going through, Ice Lolly. You talk about wanting medication, I take it you mean antidepressants? Do you think your GP would prescribe them if you under 18?
All the best
Beet
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I honestly don't know if she will Beetzart, its unlikely but then I feel that its got to the point where I have to give it a try because the counselling doesn't seem enough.
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Personally I need a combination of medication and counselling so it may well be worth asking
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Sorry to hear it has become so difficult for you.
Many of your symptoms you describe are consistent with depression and anxiety - the thoughts of self harm and suicide defiantly are. Medication may be a good route for you to go down, but inorder fot this decisions to be made your doctor needs to be fully aware of the situation.
You do need to be honest with your GP. The longer you put off doing this the longer this thing is going to be dragged out for.
I do not blame you for not trusting your counselor, she had broken your trust before.
Secondly, the painkillers. What pain killers are you talking? Have you been taking co-codamol? I fear that you are likely case for future addiction, and whether you take that threat seriously or not - I know what I am talking about. You have already voiced a fear of leaving the house without medication and that is concerning. Does the GP know about this? If you have been munching down paracetamol you are putting pressure on your renal system (kidneys, liver) and you also run a real risk of overdose. How much have you been taking?
You are a bright girl, now it is time to make some bright decisions - honesty about your thoughts with he GP and honesty about your increasing reliance on painkillers.
I am sorry I am nagging you, I just want you to get better. When I was your age I couldn't have displayed the maturity that you do, so I'm not really having a go at you, just trying to be helpful.
Take care and I hope you find a good solution to your problems soon.
Steve
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Thanks Steve,
I will try and be honest with my GP, I just don't want to be referred to CAMHS again, they won't do an assessment without parental involvement and if that's the case then I can't tell them everything they need to know because they just tell your parents. This is another lot that think its great to have your parents involved so they can support you but no one seems to understand that this is not the case for me. Having my parents find out about some of the things that were going on was the worst thing that could of happened to me, it just added more stress that I didn't need. I don't know if there are any other options available apart from CAMHS but I'm really hoping there is.
My GP doesn't know about the painkillers either, I think she has guessed about the not eating properly due to the deficiencies in my blood test but not about the painkillers. I take a mixture of co-codamol, paracetamol and ibuprofen ( not all at the same time) depends on what's available. I will take at least one does a day of one of them but sometimes I have to take a dose of something different in the same day because I have run out of the other for example. I don't take them excessively like every 4 hours or whatever but I will take them pretty much everyday. A lot of the time I don't really have pain of such I just feel generally uncomfortable from my physical symptoms and the painkillers help. Some of the time I probably don't need them at all I just feel the need to take them. I cannot leave the house without them at all, I am scared that I will get pains while I am out and so have to have those painkillers just incase. If I find my self in a situation where I am becoming anxious I start to feel very unwell and this makes me more scared and I try to avoid going out all together. The fear or becoming anxious and feeling unwell while out increases and that makes me feel worse if that makes sense.
I am aware of how addictive co-codamol is so I am trying to be very careful with that, they were prescibed to me a while back and I don't have many left anyway. I also know about the damage I am probably doing to my liver, kidneys, intestines etc. With all the other painkillers too. Every time I get a tummy ache( which I get a lot) I go into complete panic and thing 'omg I've done it this time, I really am going to die' see however much I think about suicide the actual idea of deaths still terrifies me.
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Its within your rights to refuse any treatment IceLolly so if your doctor tell her you dont want to go again (and probably most importantly why).
You really do need to tell your doctor about all your issues and problems as she cant help you if you dont but tell her first that you want it all kept totally confidential, especially whete your parents are concerned.
I know none of that will be easy but I thonk its your only option for you to get the treatment you need and deserve
Z xx
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Thanks Zaf xx
I think if my doctor knows the whole story she wil be understanding. I know that she won't do anything I don't want her to either. I do not really have a problem with telling her about it because I trust her more than anyone else, its just what happens after that, that's what I am scared of.
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What strength of co-codamol are you taking? They were prescribed - so possibly 30/500. That means for two tablets you would take 60 mg of codeine. That is strong. You are taking it every day and you claim you are scared to leave the house without painkillers. Presumably, if you was old enough to buy it, you would then start buying regular co-codamol from the pharmacy once you have run out of prescribed medication.
Codeine is a precursor to morphine, when you ingest it your body turns it to morphine. What is heroin? - diamorphine. So you are playing with smack. This could be the beginning of an addiction to an opiate. This is an important medical issue and you should not ignore it.
Also, the mix of medication you are talking daily is not good for you. Your doctor needs to be aware of this.
I am very glad you trust you GP. Hopefully she will do all she can to help you.
Take care Icelolly,
Steve
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Thanks Zaf xx
I think if my doctor knows the whole story she wil be understanding. I know that she won't do anything I don't want her to either. I do not really have a problem with telling her about it because I trust her more than anyone else, its just what happens after that, that's what I am scared of.
If you can you need to discuss that with her too
Z xx
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Thanks Zaf and Steve xx
Yes they are 30/500, I don't take the co-codamol everyday though. Its usually nurofen or paracetamol, I save the co-codamol for really bad pains because I don't want them to run out. I went through a phase of 'having' to take the co-codamol to school, I couldn't go to school without it.
I'm too scared to go into a shop on my own let alone buy something so I will be a bit stuck there :-\ This is all going very wrong, I didn't think it was that bad but now its all laid out in front of me I've realised I am a total junkie :'(
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As others have said be careful with the codeine, Icelolly. Addiction can creep up on you without you realising, this happened to me with booze. At one point I was drinking 3 litres of Cider and 4/5 shots of vodka every night, sometimes even putting the vodka in the cider. I've stopped it now but it is scary, whether it be alcohol or pills. Your whole life is spent thinking about the next hit so to speak. I also used to a have a codeine problem because when I tried to stop drinking I used to take OTC cocodamol 8/500 to try and get high so I took 10. I also did this with Nurofen Plus 12.5/200, they were ghastly and made me feel worse. Then I tried to extract the codeine from aspirin, just gave me a belly ache, and I have gobbled down out of date 30/500 tablets I once found.
Sorry for going on, but I suppose I am just trying to show how this stuff can consume you. Afterall a codeine 'high' isn't much really, for me anyway.
Beet
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Icelolly, my intention wasn't to make you feel like a junkie, and even if you was some kind of addict there is no negative stigma implied...by that I mean there is nothing to be ashamed off. Anyway, you are not a junkie and you are not an addict. I was just trying to convince you of the dangers of relying on painkillers.
Do not think things are going badly wrong because they are not, it is just difficult for you and that is not your fault.
Considering your depression and anxiety, your physical problems, your problems with your counselor, the CAHMS and your patents, you are doing incredibly well and I think you should be very proud of yourself for dealing with what you do.
The goal is to get yourself fit and healthy so you can start taking more pleasure in life again, and hopefully people will start taking you more seriously because you deserve to be treated with respect.
I hope you manage to talk openly with your GP and that it has good results.
Steve X
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Thanks Beetzart, I completely understand what you are saying. Its not until recently that I realised how many painkillers I have actually been taking.
Steve, no I know you wasn't implying that I am a junkie, its just when you see exactly what you are doing all written down like that reality hits home. I am hoping to speak to my GP about all of this at my next appointment. Xx
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It is so devastating for you to have to go through this at your age. I started to get symptoms at 17/18 and didn't get the right treatment (partly my fault for thinking it would go away) and it has wrecked most of my life.
Get as much help as you possibly can.
Beet
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Thanks Beetzart, I'm sorry it has had such an impact on your life. I have tried very hard to get help and it took me months get just get to see a school counsellor, who isn't really equipped enough to deal with depression anyway. I think that getting medication is going to be near impossible, but I know that my doctor will only do what is best for me as she always has done xx
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Sorry I was blunt it is my way. I can see how everything written down like that could seem like a shock. However, please don't look at it and think you are in a mess. I don't know if you remember what I said to you a while back about writing down negative thoughts and positive thoughts.
In reality you are displaying an amazing amount of strength. You are dealing with an array of difficult psychological and physical symptoms. You are dealing with way much more than what you should do at you age, and yet despite this you are dealing with it much better than a lot of people would. You constantly look for solutions, you problem solve, you ask and listen to advice, you have learned about your symptoms and what they may mean.
Keep on trying, things will get better for you. All this is character building and will make you a wiser person, even if at the moment it feels like a living hell.
Steve
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Thanks Steve xx
I do remember what you said to me a while back, take the problem and try to see a positive side to it, use it in a way to your advantage so that you can possibly benefit from it? So I suppose that if I tell my doctor this is actually a positive thing because it means that I will be taken more seriously and get the help that i need?
And thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate it :) xx
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That's a really good way to look at it Icelolly, it's really important that you tell her everything. And on't leave her office until you do xxxx
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I won't leave until I have told her anything. If I turn into an emotional wreck while I'm there like I did back in December she won't let me go anywhere anyway until I am alright anyway xx
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That's good to hear icelolly, she sounds like a lovely Dr. I have been a complete blubbering wreck with my Dr. I am sure we are not alone. S x x x x
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She is really lovely, and I can honestly say she is the only person that I completely trust ( apart from you guys here). Its still going to be hard to tell her everything though xx
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It will be hard but you are a strong girl and you know its the right thing to do %^%. I am sure you will feel relief when you have said it. S x x x x
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I hope so Shaz, that and probably total blind panic about what she is going to do next :-\ xx
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I am sure she will take things slowly and at your pace %^%. S x x x x
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I read your posts and your mention of stomach aches worried me. Ibuprofen is an NSAID drug and the whole group are known for their tendency to cause stomach ulcers. The first signs of this would be heartburn and stomach pains. Trust me you do not want to develop a stomach ulcer at your age. I was once in hospital and the guy in the next bed had a stomach ulcer that had started to bleed and he did not have an easy time.
If you are still under 18 your GP should not prescribe you anti-depressants. There is a global warning about this because they have a demonstrable tendency to increase suicidal thoughts and actions in young people. There is also not much evidence that they do much good in very young people anyway.
I am fully with everything Stevie has said about the addictiveness of anything containing Codeine. Codeine is not a good painkiller except for short term use. It will give you constipation in the medium term which is another problem you don’t need.
I am sorry that you do not get on with your counsellor but it is in this field that your answers will ultimately have to come. If your counsellor hasn’t built up a working relationship with you she is failing and should be made aware of this so she can either change her approach or seek some alternative for you.
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Thanks stevewellam x
I really hope its not a stomach ulcer, the pain I get is in my lower tummy and not upper where the stomach is.
It is highly unlikely that my doctor will prescribe me medication anyway. When things were really bad last time, and I did tell her then that I thought about self harm, not that I had actually done it and I sometimes think about suicide, she said that she wasn't allowed to give me anything, only CAMHS could do that. Only now I found out that that is a lie because she gave this other girl meds who is the same age as me, I know this because her mum is good friends with mine. I found this very frustrating because I have just been left to suffer for such a long time and everyone just seems to pass the buck. I feel like no one wants to help me and they just hope that the next person will. Its not fair, she got meds, and a choice of psychiatrists and different types of therapy, I didn't get any of that. Her case wasn't really any different from mine either, she never attempted suicide and she never self harmed.
I don't take the codiene very often, and when I do I never take it for longer than three days because it says not to on the packet. I'm not addicted to it, I just like to have it there incase I need it.
I don't trust the counsellor at all and she isn't the right person to be dealing with the more serious issues I have here. My deputy head told me that when he called me in to chat about the letter the school had got from the doctors. He told me she was not eqipped to deal with depression and I probably needed something else. This was before the CAMHS assessment where I had to lie and make everything look as ok as possible because everyone else seemed to have forgotten the meaning of confidentiality.
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I think you should follow Steve Wellams' advice very closely. Think about what he said about the higher rate of suicidal thinking when young people begin anti depressant treatment. I myself once experienced a period of constant suicidal thinking as soon as my medication was increased, it was unpleasant for both me and those around me. You don't want to be in that situation at all.
You want medication because you want to feel better. This is understandable. But you are not receiving adequate counseling. The lady you are seeing isn't equipped to deal with your issues and she is very probably under qualified to deal with anything other than people who feel a bit upset. Like Steve Wellam said, answers lie within therapy, and adequate counseling may really help you. Going down the medication route carries risks. If you go down the CAHMS route, you can get therapy from a qualified therapist.....so I think that is what you should do.
Your GP suggests it, I suggest it, and Steve Wellam has said that you need adequate counselling. If therapy reveals that your condition is serious enough to warrant medication at your age, then this should be done by a psychiatrist at the CAHMS and you will be closely monitored.
I agree that the confidentiallity is an issue to you and it is causing you concern. However, your health is at stake here, and that has paramount importance, so I think that you should go back to the CAHMS, tell the whole truth, and that way you will get better faster. It seems like if you don't do this things are just going to be dragged out for longer and longer.
Take care,
Steve