This is me

[lara1976]

Hi, My name is Lara.
I signed up a few weeks ago, but sometimes I have an idea for a minute to get help, then I just hide away again.
I have a few conditions which affect my mobility and am in constant pain. I am 35 and do not leave my house at all. I have been hiding in my bedroom alot recently, I just cant function anymore, and I am not sure if I even want to. I have bad days or worse days, but I want a good day every now and again, which just does not happen.

I take alot of medications including antidepressants and mood stabilizers, nothing seems to make me feel ok. I have been diagnosed with a "personality disorder" too.. Whats that supposed to mean??

I dont know why I am here today.I just want to feel better or and yes it sounds bad I just want it all to stop I want to make it stop.
The reason I am still here is my children, even though they seem to not care how ill I am or that they make me hurt inside more than they realize.
Today I feel like I am near the end, I could die at45 so whats the point in waiting or finding out for sure if my life is on a time limit.
I have been told that writing my feelings should make me feel better, well it is not working.
Sorry for being so negative.

[lightenup]

Hi Lara, Kids when they are of a certain age they can sometimes be so aloof.  They sometimes don't show how much they really care and can be so cutting, but when it comes to the crunch they love you lots.  Depression unless you suffer from it, I don't care you wouldn't really understand it. 

Can you try seeing yor Doctor maybe your meds are doing the job and may need to be changed.  Ask them what they mean by labelling you with a personality disorder, your entitled to know. I don't know your personal circumstances but going by your statement another 10years is another quarter of your lifeline and you could see so many wonderful things with your family in this time.  ((big Hug))

Check out mindful help

[lightenup]

Lara website is www.mindfulhelp.org.uk

[lara1976]

thank you so much. I will look there now.

[bel]

hi Lara,  !"£
Sorry you're feeling so bad. It all sounds very difficult for you. Depression is hard for other people to understand, and may be frightening for them, so maybe it is fear or anxiety that makes your children act like they don't care. I hope you can get some help.
best wishes, bel

[AliMcBeer]

Hi Lara, i can totally sympathise with you, i sometimes feel my kids dont care how im feeling so long as theyre ok. Its hard i know, but underneath it all i know they do love me and they do care, but theyre kids and they dont understand. No one can unless theyve felt anything of how your feeling now. Thats why i joined this forum, people here do understand, and i can relate to others here. Even the medical professionals are limited in their understanding. They can reel off a text book but what works for one person wont work for another. have you had any counselling? or is there a local group you could join? your doctor might have some group info or your local library sometimes have that info too. anything is worth a try right? take care of you:) big hugs, Ali x

[lara1976]

Thank you for your kind words and advice.