Newbie

[Russell]

H ello all, I'm Russell. I am 48,happily married with 2 grown up children. I work as a brickwork teacher to kids that been kicked out of school14-16 years old. I probably look like someone to have nothing to be depressed about! However I have always had very low self esteem and am constantly worried about what people think off me. I was diagnosed with anxiety 2 years ago which I take 30mg of Citalopram for. Initially the difference was amazing, but now my mood swings have become far more dramatic and my default setting is that I just don't want to live any more. I don't mean suicide,just want to go to sleep and not wake up. My enthusiasm for everything is disappearing and I can't really see who would miss me or how their life wouldn't be better if I wasn't around. That's where I am now.

[stewart]

Hi Russell, welcome to the forums.
i see you have ben on citalopram for a couple of years, and it sounds like they are no longer having the beneficial effect they once did.
Hace a chat to your doc about this and he may up it to 40 mg, (thats the max dose they can give now)
or he may offer you diazapam for the times when your anxiety is high.
alternativly he may try you on one of the other meds out there, and there are quite a few.

stew

[Pip]

Welcome Russell,

It is difficult suffering with low self esteem and can be hard to understand that people think more of you in a good light than you feel.  I know from experience that it is hard to belief that people like me for whom I am.

Having a chat with your doctor should help as medication can stop working for you so you may have to change it or take something else to work along side of it.  Counselling may be offered and there is support out thereto had. 

Here you can be honest as we all understand what it is like to suffer with depression.  You might even have triggers for when your mood is low and not realize it.