Fellow Newbie

[belfrygirl]

Hi...my names Louise and I suffer with depression. I have since I was approx 18  and took an overdose at 19 which made me realise that I couldn't let it take over my life, for the last  20 years I have managed to avoid any full on bouts of depression however recently I've had to return to the doctor to seek medical help. Life isn't easy for anyone and I do try to deal with my 'bouts' and just get on with it but life at the moment isn't easy for me. I'm struggling to deal with my emotions and find myself crying at things that in the past I would have laughed off, I feel worthless, ugly and like the people around me would be better off without me. My work seems to be the focal point of my feelings  although it's by no means a high pressure job the way we as staff are dealt with is nothing short of bullying and harassment and it's getting to the stage where I now am beginning to dislike being in the company of either colleagues or customers both just seem to annoy me. My doctor put me on Sertraline which 4/5 weeks down the line doesn't seem to be helping I would be quite happy to stay in my bed all day everyday and not see anyone
I think this bout of depression started with the death of my nan and then the breakup of my 17 year relationship (which I ended and don't regret!!) I now have a wonderful fiancé who thinks that pills maybe isn't the way to go, quitting work isn't an option but it's making me I'll thinking about going in each day ....

[Sweetpea]

Hello Louise and welcome to the forum, your symptoms are very familiar to me and I am sure many others here.

Having the work pressures you have must be very difficult for you.  Are you seeing your Dr for medication reviews to see how you are doing? If not it may be worth having a chat to discuss your concerns over your meds.  As for your fiancé saying medication is not there way to go. My feelings on the matter is meds along with therapy is the best way to go.

X x

[Pip]

 :welcome:

It is hard going when you're not enjoying your work and suffering with depression and is making you feel worse now.  It's worth having a chat with your GP about your medication.  It may need increasing, taking another to work along with that one or trying something completely different.  I used to take Citalopan which stopped working for me and now take Sertraline.  I used to be anti pill popping but had to start taking medication for blood pressure and one for cholesteral.  My attitude now is that medication and therapy work well together ith the possibility that you might stop taking the medication in the future.

[JC]

Hello Louise and welcome.

Sorry to hear you are having such a bad time at the moment.

A lot of what you describe is familiar, struggling to deal with emotions, becoming upset at things we used to just take in our stride and the low self esteem/feeling worthless. As Pip and Sweetpea have said, if the Sertraline is not helping it is worth going back to your GP to discuss other options, some meds don't suit some people so an alternative might be better for you. I was very resistant to both medication and therapy but I have done an about turn and realised that they really do help.

I know it is not easy Louise but try to think of how those around you, who love you, would feel if you were not around. I have the same feelings but thinking about how much it would hurt those I love, and who love me, helps me to push my darkest thoughts away.

[stewart]

Hi Louise, welcome to the forums.
depression is indeed a hard thing to deal with, and the passing of someone close can have great impact on us.

as others have said, a chat with the gp is a good start, and if you have a MIND office in your area they have great support workers.