present state of mind, life in general etc.

[lostmyway]

hi all

I feel that things are just getting worse, more stress, the boredom with nothing to do , nobody to hang out with, and STILL no job!
I am stuck at home and the feelings of desolation and loneliness is driving me bonkers. I have a maths assignment to do but maths to me is a boring subject at the best of
times.

All there is around here is pubs, a cinema and a bowling alley and a local football team which i dont really support as such.

I thought at 20 that at some point my life would evolve and progress to a point where i felt I was actually getting somewhere in life , but now (at the weary age of 43) I certainly do not at the moment.

I dont know whether its fear stopping me or lack of acceptance that i need to get my stuff together.  I mean , is this normal to feel this way for somebody of my age? Im really guessing not!!!  I never married and did the things that most people do, but sometimes it just doesnt happen does it ?  All the classic symptoms i am feeling right now and i really dont want to deal with it anymore.  I live in a small-ish town and realise there isnt an abundance of opportunity around the corner.

I honestly dont know what to do anymore and dont look at the future with a great deal of optimism or fervour.  It seems my bedroom has become my sanctuary for study and self-contemplation, but almost a prison cell at times.  The inner voice needs to stop going on and on too.  I feel no-one gives a damn, so why should I??  And christmas is gonna be a no-brainer for me as it will only be me and my elderly mother who has a propensity to repeat herself and forget.  Wonder why im negative about things?

[Pip]

It's normal to go through what you are, I think most of us do at some point.  I know I have and it lasted a few years.  My husband and I live a quiet life and our pleasures are simply.  We don't go to pubs much and we don't go out for meals very often so when we do it is more pleasurable.  We were without a car for a few years as we couldn't afford to run one.  Having pets has also limited where we go and for how long.  However since we have both got PIP and me being awarded motability we are better off even with getting a car on lease.  Motability covers the lease, insurance, servicing and tyres, and, as I'm registered disabled I also get free car tax.  However we haven't gone mad as we are simply happy to be mobile and not having to worry about getting a taxi when we have done our grocery shopping.  We do have our days out of course but we are being sensible.  We are quite involved with church life which includes voluntary work which we enjoy.

Obviously I can't say your life will definitely improve dramatically and I do appreciate that it can be hard / difficult to get involved with 'outside interests'.  Have you thought about doing voluntary work?

If you haven't then it's worth checking out what is about.  Two days a week I help out with a lunch club which I would never have dreamed of doing until the minister of our church asked if I would like to help out. I didn't think I would enjoy it but two years on I am still enjoying the work.

[lostmyway]

i did try and get some voluntary work sorted with the rnib, references, DBS check , u name it. it took forever. Nobody is any hurry to do anything.

[stewart]

ditto on what Pip says,
and dont worry about the maths exam, maths can get very complicated at times,
your strengths could be in other areas, art for example

[lostmyway]

hi

maths is indeed a complex subject. my current module is like a revisit of o level with added details, then it will be technology modules. 43 and 'still at home' isnt an ideal situation to be in, and with the current economic climate and the cost of living being the way it is, I fear that isnt going to change.  Then i have others making smart remarks about why i am still at home. Answer? Simple economics.

I have been unable to change things for the better, and thats part of the conundrum.  I aspire to graduate from the OU in a few years and hope things will build/improve from then on. But they might not.

[JC]

Hi

When you feel so isolated and lonely it is normal to feel so negative about everything and, as Pip said, we have all gone through it. Some of us still are.

I know a few people your age who are still living with parents and, for whatever reasons, the situation suits them. As for the 'smart' remarks about why you are still at home - Answer: None of their business!

Unfortunately there are a lot of people who feel the need to look down on or belittle others; scratch below the surface and it usually turns out they are trying to compensate for their own inadequacies. I find it very sad that some people can only feel good about themselves when they are making someone else feel bad.

I have no answer to your conundrum, and I usually shy away from giving advice, but you may find that if you try not to worry too much and take each day as it comes things might start to fall into place.