Devotions

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When Saying “I’m Fine” Doesn’t Keep the Peace
October 25, 2022
by Lysa TerKeurst

“But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” James 3:17 (NIV)

When someone we love says something or does something that breaks our hearts, what is the godliest way to respond?

Is it to pretend that everything is fine so we can keep the peace? Or is it to confront the person to prove how wrong they are?

Well, it’s neither.  If ever I catch myself pretending or proving, I know I am not trusting God with the outcome and am processing my hurt the wrong way.  The right way is approaching this situation with soul integrity responding in a way that's not only honest but also peaceful. Our key verse, James 3:17, says, “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure [honest]; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere” (emphasis added).

Yes, I want this kind of wisdom, this kind of soul integrity. I want to be honest and peacemaking at the same time. But how?

We first must decide to commit to real honesty. Not all expressions of my feelings are real honesty. You see, my honest feelings may not be truthful assessments of the situation. I can be honest with how I feel and still exaggerate or misinterpret what is true. I can feel justified in being blatant about my feelings not hiding a thing and prideful for being so “real,” all under the guise of being honest.  But what I’ve come to realize is that honesty that isn’t true isn’t honesty at all. It may just be emotional spewing. That's why we need peacemaking honesty honesty reined in by the Holy Spirit if we’re going to have authentic soul integrity.  So if I want real honesty, I have to ask the Holy Spirit to show me real truth. I need to see things from the other person's perspective. I need to ask questions of that person with the desire to better understand instead of throwing out statements of accusation. Ultimately, my goal should be to add peace to my honesty.  It must grieve God to see fake versions of peacemaking that aren't reined in by honesty. That's what we do when we pretend everything is OK.  The upside of pretending everything is fine is that we have the semblance of “peacemaking.” But when we do so at the expense of honesty, we harbor a corrosive bitterness that will eventually emerge. Either it will erode our health and later present itself in a host of emotional and physical anxiety-induced illnesses or it will accumulate over time and surprise everyone when the peacemaker eventually erupts.  Saying “I’m fine” to keep the peace when we’re really not fine isn’t honest. Ouch. Trust me when I say this steps all over my toes.  I’ve learned that sometimes dishonesty comes in the form of saying things that aren't true. But it's also dishonest when we fail to say necessary things that are true. It may seem godly in the moment, but it’s false godliness.  Truth and godliness always walk hand in hand. The minute we separate one from the other, we stray from soul integrity and give a foothold to the instability that inevitably leads to giving up the best of who we are.  Yes, we’re pursuing soul integrity honesty that is also peacemaking that leads to godliness.  This soul integrity brings balance to chaotic relationships. It makes us true peacemakers people who aren’t proving or pretending but rather honestly demonstrating, in a godly manner, what we are experiencing. And being a true peacemaker reaps a harvest of great qualities in our lives: right things, godly things, healthy things.

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It’s Not Unchristian To Require People To Treat You in Healthy Ways
November 3, 2022
by Lysa TerKeurst

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13 (NIV)

I’ve been studying the life of Jesus a lot.  How He reacted when people hurt Him deeply. How He handled the whiplash of being loved one minute and tossed aside the next. How He knew Judas was going to betray Him, and He washed his feet anyhow.  I want to be like Jesus. I want to hold fast to His Word. But if I’m honest, it can feel so challenging to apply biblical principles when I’m experiencing relational hurt at the same time. Especially when commonly used Bible verses get weaponized against me or appear to be unclear with their instructions.  I’ve been bumping up against this as I’ve been learning about establishing boundaries in some of my relationships.  And here’s what I’ve begun to realize: Just like our bank accounts can get overdrawn, so can our emotions. Just like spending that gets out of control can bankrupt a person’s finances, expending too much emotionally can bankrupt a person’s well-being. We have emotional limitations.  In the past, I think I’ve tried to work around this. I’ve thought things like …

    The more I do for people, the more Christian I am.
    If I know about a need, it’s my moral duty to meet that need.
    If someone hurts me, wrongs me or takes advantage of me, instead of addressing it head-on I should just manage my feelings and see it as an opportunity to demonstrate unconditional love.

There are good intentions in every single one of those statements above. And on the surface, many of those mindsets have a noble sense of self-sacrifice and Christian character. They even hint so closely at some well-known Bible verses that they seem like the right way to react. However, there’s more context and truth we must consider here.  Let’s take a look at John 15:13, for example: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

You see, in the past, I thought this verse meant that the greatest act of love I could show is to lay down my own life for the good of others even when it’s to my own detriment.  Yes, Jesus literally laid down His one glorious life one time, and it was for a high and holy purpose. But Jesus didn’t lay down His life to enable evil, perpetuate unholy or irresponsible behaviors, or try to keep others happy.  When Jesus made this statement in John 15, He was speaking within a context when friendship in the ancient world was truly valued and sought after. This type of friendship involves the sharing of deep personal trust as well as possessions. Love expressed and experienced between friends is a beautiful thing and shouldn’t be dismissed or overlooked. In our daily lives, we should want to share and, within reason, give to our loved ones and friends. But here’s the caution: We can be a resource for others when needed, but we should not become the source of what sustains them.  The instruction here isn’t so much about our willingness to literally lose our lives or sacrifice our needs to the point of self-detriment. Rather, Jesus is reminding us to have a willing spirit to show and extend a type of love that is honorable and willing to be self-sacrificial when necessary.  And from that place, I’ve come to understand having boundaries in our relationships isn’t selfish. It’s actually exercising self-awareness by realizing only God is limitless in His capacity. We, as humans, are limited.  Friend, if you have struggled with wondering if setting boundaries is biblical, please know I’ve been in your shoes. But here’s what I want you to know:

    It’s not unchristian to come to terms with our limited human capacity and set healthy parameters in our relationships.
    It’s not unchristian to require people to treat us in healthy ways. And for us to do the same for others.
    It’s not unchristian to call wrong things "wrong" and hurtful things "hurtful."

We have to know how to spot dysfunction, what to do about it, and when to recognize it’s no longer reasonable or safe to stay in some relationships. But we can do all of this with honor and kindness, learning how to love others well without losing the best of who we are.  And isn’t that what we really want? After all, God’s ultimate assignment is for us to love Him and love others. And this is exactly what Jesus taught and modeled. John 13:34 says, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (NIV).

Love must be honest. Love must be safe. Love must seek each person’s highest good. And ultimately, love must honor God for us to experience the fullness and the freedom of the sweetest connection between humans.

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You Can Love Them but You Can’t Change Them
November 8, 2022
by Lysa TerKeurst

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16 (NIV)

Do you have a relationship in your life where you know something is wrong, but you can’t figure out what to do?

You’ve prayed about this behavior or situation. You’ve talked about this. You’ve tried to navigate it. You may have even tried to stop it. You've made changes. You've listened to wise advice and done everything you know to do.  But in the end, nothing has worked.  And maybe you've started to realize if the other person doesn't want things to change, you cannot change them.  So what can you do?

Apply boundaries.  I know.  This feels impossible. Relationships come with many of their own complex layers. Maybe you’ve even tried to set boundaries before and it didn’t go well.  Do any of your challenging situations look like one of these scenarios?

You know you need to set a boundary, but this person is someone who:

    Personalizes everything and is prone to being very offended. You can’t figure out how to address something they repeatedly do that is not acceptable to you. You know you need a boundary, but you don’t know how to communicate this need without causing more drama than you feel you can handle right now.
    Is in authority over you at your job, and it doesn’t feel like boundaries would work.
    Lives in your home, and though you need some distance, setting a boundary doesn’t feel very realistic.

Whether your challenging relationship situation is like one of these or not, here’s what I’ve realized: Most of the time when we feel like boundaries don't work, it's because we have tried to use them to force another person to change. Boundaries can’t be an attempt to control another person.  Instead of putting a boundary on another person, we should establish a boundary for ourselves in that situation. The purpose of a boundary is to help you stay self-controlled and safe. You can ask yourself, If this other person is unwilling to make, or incapable of making, needed changes, what is within my ability to change?

You get to establish what is and is not acceptable for you and what you do and do not have to give.  Obviously, this isn't easy. But without drawing healthy boundaries, the only other option is allowing the unhealthy relational patterns to continue and secretly wondering if you are the crazy one.  And, friend you may be brokenhearted. You may be sad. You may be afraid and possibly angry. You may be focused on trying to fix what isn’t within your ability to fix. And you may even be fixated on trying to figure everything out.  But you are not crazy. It is not selfish to establish healthier and more sustainable patterns within your relationships.  Boundaries aren’t going to fix the other person. But they are going to help you stay fixed on what is good, what is acceptable, and what you need to stay healthy and whole. You can love the other person, but you can’t change them. So be honest with yourself as you consider this: Where there is relational chaos, there is usually a lack of boundaries. Love should be what draws two people together, not what tears one of them apart. Our key verse today tells us we can “approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).

Oh, friend, God cares about us and He cares about our relationships. None of this is easy, but you don’t have to figure all of this out on your own. As you continue to process and pray through all of this, you may also find it helpful to talk with a trusted Christian counselor or wise friend.  Take a deep breath. And take a few minutes today to really think through the truth that the only change you have control over is making a sustainable change for yourself. We may be powerless to change someone else, but this doesn’t mean we’re powerless to experience change in our own lives. Boundaries give us this gift.

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Building Your In-Law Relationship Is Worth the Effort
November 11, 2022
by Stacy Reaoch

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 (ESV)

On a cold January morning, my newly married husband and I loaded a truck with all our worldly possessions namely, my in-laws’ hand-me-down furniture and a plethora of new Christmas ornaments.  Ben and I were just returning from our honeymoon and preparing to move to the “arctic tundra” of Minnesota. My in-laws happened to be moving at the same time, thousands of miles across the ocean to South Africa.  I loved Barb and Ron, my in-laws, and was excited to see them pursue God’s call on their lives. Naively, I had no worries about communication or building a relationship with them. We were all Christians, so that connection should have made the relationships easy, right?

Wrong.  I didn’t anticipate that the distance, combined with busy lives (not to mention the lack of technology that we now have today text messages, Zoom calls and social media), would create a gap in our relationship. I was so focused on creating my new family that it was easy to neglect the relationship with my mother-in-law.  When my husband and I finally saved enough pennies to go visit his parents, conversations didn’t flow as easily as I anticipated. Things felt awkward, catching each other up on surface-level news without sharing the deeper issues of the heart. So much had happened in both our lives since the wedding.  Where should we even begin?

It became clear that our lack of communication was bearing unripe fruit. We didn’t really know each other in our new roles.  In hindsight, I wish I would have been more intentional in communicating with Barb. It can be hard for newly married wives to see the value of building a good relationship with our mothers-in-law; however, moving toward our mothers-in-law in love is not only a way of strengthening the in-law relationship but of loving our husbands.  The mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is notoriously difficult. It’s a unique dynamic of two women who love the same man. What God has designed to be a beautiful picture of love and respect within a family can often become a means of competition. Will your husband honor your preferences for a quiet Christmas at home or default to his mom’s preference of an extended family gathering at her house?

In the times when we’re tempted to feel wounded by words or actions, we need to put into practice the words of 1 Corinthians 13:4-5: “Love is patient, love is kind, it keeps no record of wrongs” (NIV).

We need to put away the scoreboard and choose to show love and honor to all in our lives. First Peter 4:8 tells us to “keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”

Even when there have been challenges and hurts in our relationship, we can look for the lovely things about our in-laws. And we can trust God to give us an authentic love for them.  By the grace of God, we can move past our hurts in our in-law relationships to reflect the steadfast love of Christ. We can pick up the phone and initiate conversation, even when it’s hard. We can look for ways to speak well of our in-laws in front of our family and friends. We can even bend to their preferences out of a heart of humility.  Twenty-two years have passed since my wedding day, and I can honestly say that God has helped Barb and me to develop an authentic love and care for each other. He has more than redeemed the strained years of our relationship.  The in-law relationship doesn’t have to be difficult. In fact, it can be one of the most beautiful backdrops to showcase the work of Christ in our own hearts. And most importantly, as we love the in-laws God has placed in our lives, we demonstrate the unfailing love and grace God bestows on us.

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Praying in Partnership With the Holy Spirit
November 22, 2022
by Karen Wingate

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27 (NIV)

Dear Lord, I prayed, peeking at my prayer journal in front of me, these ladies need You.  Pausing, I searched for my next words. They’ve walked away from You they’re ignoring You and they’ve forgotten that You really can fix the situations they’re facing.  The facts laid out, I launched into my petition: Can You wake them up and, I stopped. To my ears, this sounded judgmental and clumsy at best. I was making a mess of this “prayer” thing.  While I was once close with the women on my prayer list, I’d lost contact with them over the years, only hearing about their tough life situations from social media or friends and family members. My heart broke when I heard two of them had renounced their faith in God.  Prayer is now the greatest influence I can have in their lives. But how should I pray for them?

Many times, I find myself just reciting the list of names, trusting that God knows what they need better than I do.  We all know prayer is a significant part of our faith journey. Yet one of the greatest hindrances to a healthy prayer life is the same one I face: “I don’t know the words to use,”

I often hear new and not-so-new believers say. We feel clumsy, limited and so very human.  That’s why I love Paul’s encouraging words from Romans 8:26-27: “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”

How reassuring! God’s Holy Spirit lives within us. God knows our deepest thoughts, even the thoughts we can’t put into words. The Holy Spirit interprets our wordless groans and infuses our squeaky, one-word calls of “Help!”

He translates our faulty theology and revises our rough-hewn grammar to align with His will and His plans for the person we’re praying for.  How does this happen?

Perhaps you’ve had a taste of this in everyday life. You become so close to a friend or your spouse that you can complete each other’s sentences. When one person’s tongue gets tangled, the other instead of correcting the mistake says, “I knew what you meant.”

In time, like any other skill, our efforts at prayer will improve. We’ll crave to know how to pray more specifically. I find myself imploring the Lord, Show me how to pray for this person. Many times, sometimes even within that day, I’ll find out details about them that help me specify my prayers.  Yet even in my finest moments of verbal clarity or in my closest relationships, I have to admit God still knows the person and the situation better than I do, and the Holy Spirit is still doing His work of intercession on my behalf.  God knows us more intimately than the human beings closest to us. As we stutter over our prayers, God, in His grace, smiles and says, “I know what you mean.”

Better yet, He’ll add, “I’m ready to help.”

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A Single Christian Girl’s Survival Guide for the Holidays
November 23, 2022
by Meghan Mellinger

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” 1 John 3:1a-b (NIV)

It’s November, so you know what that means: ’Tis the season for homemade pies, twinkling lights and if you’re single like me, everyone in your family asking you, yet again, why there isn’t a ring on your left hand.  I don’t have enough money to pay my male co-worker to be my pretend boyfriend for the holidays like women do in those cheesy, made-for-television movies I can’t stop watching. Thankfully, God's Word offers a better way to thrive in not just survive the upcoming season. Maybe you or the single women you know are content with the gift of singleness, or maybe you’ve been asking for a refund for years. No matter where you are on the relationship spectrum, you can wear these biblical truths like an ugly Christmas sweater: with pride.

Survival Truth #1: You are more than your relationship status. (1 John 3:1)

Putting your identity in your relationship status is like anchoring a boat with a balloon: disappointing. Relationships, jobs and appearances fall short, change and can be lost … But who God says you are — His child who is loved and chosen, filled with purpose and worth never changes.

Survival Truth #2: You are complete in Christ. (Colossians 2:10)

There is nothing wrong with you. You are not a puzzle with a missing piece, a hamburger looking for its cheese. You are whole in Christ, and in Christ alone. No earthly person can “complete” a heart God created.

Survival Truth #3: God doesn’t withhold any good thing from His children. (Psalm 84:11)

Romantic relationships and marriage are good things. But they may not be the best thing for all people at all times. Maybe God is protecting you in your singleness. Maybe He’s refining you. Maybe He has other things for you to be doing now that will glorify Him more than you being in a relationship.

Survival Truth #4: Your purpose remains the same. (2 Corinthians 5:20)

Married or single, our purpose remains the same: We are ambassadors of Jesus. Single women often have the blessing of more undivided, undistracted time. Are you using it to know God and make Him known? The end goal of your life is not to get married. The end goal of your life is to become more like Jesus in a world that needs Him.

Survival Truth #5: God always sees you and hears you. (Genesis 16:13)

Whether you cry tears of joy or heartache, God sees you, hears you and is there beside you. God doesn’t promise to give us a tall, dark and handsome husband but He does promise to give us comfort, joy and peace. The best gift God will ever give us is the gift of His presence.

If you hear nothing else this holiday season, hear this: You are not less-than if you are single, just as married people are not more-than. Because of Jesus, we each have an identity, worth and purpose that never changes, no matter our relationship status. And here’s a bonus: Single ladies don't have to share our holiday leftovers.

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Thankfulness in the Thick of It
November 24, 2022
by Jodi Harris

“Though the fig tree does not blossom And there is no fruit on the vines, Though the yield of the olive fails And the fields produce no food … Yet I will [choose to] rejoice in LORD; I will [choose to] shout in exultation in the [victorious] God of my salvation!” Habakkuk 3:17-18 (AMP)

When I lost my job last spring, I had peace that God would provide. But as weeks rolled into months, cents rolled into dollars, and worry and doubt crept in.  I’m used to God working when all seems lost and impossible, so I was ashamed at my faltering faith. But trusting God for His provision doesn’t come naturally. Doubt and worry? Easy. Like a dog with a bone, I chew down my worry and choke on the splinters.  If God has always provided, why am I doubting?

I wonder if that’s how Jesus' disciples felt when He said He was going to feed thousands of people with five loaves of bread and two fish. (John 6:1-15) They couldn’t see how. They may have believed He could feed them, but all they saw was the one little lunch and one very big crowd. Philip exclaimed, “It would take more than half a year’s wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!” (John 6:7, NIV).

It didn’t add up.  I think the same about my situation. With bills in one hand and an empty bank account in the other, it doesn’t add up. I’ve seen Jesus do miracles in my life before, and I know He can do it again. But I cannot see how.  It must have been strange to watch Jesus give thanks for the way-too-small amount of bread as if it could actually fill all those stomachs. (John 6:11) I used to move right past the “giving thanks” part of this Bible story because it seems typical to give thanks before a meal. But that's when there is plenty of food. Jesus gave thanks for the not-enough, trusting God, the Provider, to turn it into more than enough 12 baskets of leftovers, in fact. (John 6:13)  He gave thanks before the miracle.  Thanksgiving is an expression of joy, not because of what God provides but because He is the Provider. Our joy comes not from what we have but from who He is, and giving thanks opens our eyes to see more of Him.  The prophet Habakkuk also struggled to see God’s provision in his life. He argued with God, complained and wrestled things through with Him. Finally he surrendered and said:  “Though the fig tree does not blossom And there is no fruit on the vines, Though the yield of the olive fails And the fields produce no food … Yet I will [choose to] rejoice in the LORD; I will [choose to] shout in exultation in the [victorious] God of my salvation!” (Habakkuk 3:17-18).

Giving thanks is not reactive but proactive. Habakkuk chose to rejoice. He chose to give thanks when there was nothing, trusting God for the something. Like Jesus, he knew the Provider of all things. While he couldn't see the how, he saw the who.  Do you have a “not-enough” situation in your life?

The rent is due, but your car broke down.  You feel trapped in a dead-end job or dead-end relationship.  Your child struggles in school, but you don’t know how to help.  Will you join me in thanking God for the not-enough moments and seeing them as opportunities for Him to give more than enough?

Thanking God in all circumstances for what we can see opens our eyes to what we otherwise cannot see. It ushers in God’s peace (Philippians 4:7) and emboldens us with His strength to persevere. (Nehemiah 8:10)  After all, if the situation were solvable without Him, we would miss the moment He will do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20)

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The Danger of Making Assumptions
December 2, 2022
by Abby McDonald

“My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.” Job 42:5 (NIV)

God, do You even care about my husband’s health?

Why the delay, God?

I didn’t voice the thoughts out loud, but I may as well have. My attitude about the situation my family faced was bleak at best.  For months, we’d prayed for a resolution to my husband’s health issue. Friends around the globe prayed, too, and each time my husband and I spoke with them, we updated them with any progress.  Although the solution was simple, the equipment needed to address the problem was in short supply. A long waitlist of other patients was ahead of my husband, and each day we hoped for a miracle.  Sometimes it’s easy for me to see God working through hardships in others’ lives, but when it comes to my own life or my family members’, I make assumptions about His intentions. If it appears as though He’s not answering on my timeline or not listening, I may question whether or not He wants to help.  Have you ever been there?

You pray with persistence, and you believe God will deliver you or a loved one, but when the answer doesn’t come, you wonder whether or not God sees the hurt and the weariness. Or perhaps you think your troubles are somehow part of God’s judgment and you stop coming to Him altogether.  It can be difficult to open up about our heartache when we feel as though God has already made up His mind about the situation. But God warns us, in His Word, against this type of limited thinking.  Recently, I studied the book of Job, and God’s response to Job’s friends captured my attention: “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has” (Job 42:7, NIV).

In this passage, Job had just lost everything, and his friends assumed his suffering was due to his own sin. But whereas Job spoke directly to God about his heartache and frustrations, his friends merely spoke about God. They thought that Job’s afflictions were a sign of punishment or that God was acting out of judgment.  In our key verse, Job speaks from a place that can only be found when we encounter God personally:  “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you” (Job 42:5).

Even though Job suffered as much as anyone in Scripture, he never made assumptions about God based on his circumstances. He questioned God, but he did not say false things about God’s character. Instead, Job spoke to God in his anguish, with an honest heart, and God answered. Although God didn't give Job a reason for his suffering, Job’s one-on-one conversation with Him helped Job realize God was still there in the midst of it.  What if we decide to do the same thing?

What if the next time we encounter a situation where it appears as though God is absent, we come to Him and have an honest conversation?

And what if God answers in ways we never expected?

This is what I finally did in my frustration over my husband’s health issue. And somehow, God helped me see His presence right there in the middle of the weariness and waiting.  When we continue to come to God with our hurts despite the lack of an answer, He shifts our perspective. Our circumstances may not change, but His peace reigns as He shows us who He truly is. Like Job, we can encounter God in a new way. And because of this fresh encounter, our assumptions can be replaced by awe and worship.

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The Mom They Need
December 5, 2022
by Nicki Koziarz

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19 (ESV)

In every season of motherhood I’ve experienced so far, I’ve found myself in moments of feeling like I’m at a loss for what to do.  When bringing my babies home from the hospital and in those newborn days that followed, I remember staring at them and asking myself, OK, now what do I do?

Now, in recent late nights, with tears of frustration from teenage rebellion freshly fallen on my shirt, I’ve found myself asking God, OK, now what do I do?

The truth is, I can’t think of very many times even outside of motherhood struggles when I’ve prayed for wisdom on the next thing to do and it has simply come to me.  Of course, if I need an answer immediately, I’ll say a quick prayer asking God for His help, and I’ll call or text a trusted friend. But most of the time, wisdom comes from a slow, gradual understanding of what needs to happen. Godly wisdom comes from experience, time and slow growth with God.  Praying and taking the time to slowly understand the Bible are some of the ways I experience growth. And so one of the prayers for wisdom I’ve prayed throughout the years is: God, please make me the mom (insert child’s name) needs, not the mom she wants.  This prayer came from understanding Philippians 4:19 a little better than I used to. Paul, the author of these words, was writing them specifically to the church at Philippi about their financial generosity: “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”

While we should not take this verse out of context and use it as a way to believe God will give us whatever we want, these words, this promise from God, can extend into all areas of our life, including the need for wisdom. But we have to pause and understand the difference between our needs and our wants.  In parenting, the mom my kids want is super “chill” about laundry and messes. She’s always understanding about homework and to-dos not getting done. She never loses patience on their bad days, is generous with money and is always fun.  While those are all great qualities, that’s not always the mom they need.  Sometimes they need firm reminders to get things done or to push themselves to be the best version of who God created them to be. The more I ask God to show me what my kids need, the more glimpses He gives me into their hearts.  And sometimes, when their decisions make me feel like I’m going over the edge, God reminds me that my kids need a mom who prays for and believes in the best of who they will become.  So when we are at a loss for what to do whether it’s in parenting or a different area of life asking God to be the God we need, not the God we want, is always wise. And this simple prayer I pray over my kids can transfer into any area of our lives: friendships, jobs, volunteer roles.  God, show me what this person needs from me today.  But may we also be prepared when God shows us what they need and it reflects those same things we need from God grace, mercy, love, kindness and compassion.  Ultimately, when our view of God is based on need, not want, it will flow into all areas of our lives.  When we find ourselves asking the question What am I supposed to do?, we may not have an instant answer. But we can have a process with God the God we can trust to see us through until the answer is clearer.

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That Prepared Me for This
December 12, 2022
by Binu Samuel

"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand.” Zechariah 4:10a (NLT)

My team at work is the best! I sincerely appreciate what every one of my co-workers brings to the table. Our most recent hire came to us with no previous pharmacy experience, but he had enthusiasm and a desire to learn, so we brought him on.  Every day, he shows up on time and ready to work. He’s flexible. He’s energetic. He’s efficient. He’s bilingual. You should see the way customers’ faces light up when they hear the words “habla español?”

After one of the most head-spinning, most overwhelming and busiest workdays EVER, I had to ask him, “What’s your secret? How do you stay so calm?”

His response made me laugh and got me thinking.  “Yesterday was nothing compared to when I used to work at Burger King at my university. The lunch hour there was crazy!”

Burger King?

While fast food restaurants and pharmacies are both fast-paced and high-energy workplaces, who would’ve thought that a job in a totally different industry would have prepared him for this?

God uses everything we go through to teach us and equip us. Every humbling and exhausting experience either prepares us for the next humbling and exhausting experience or prepares us for a mountaintop experience where we appreciate God’s sovereignty in a whole new way.  We see this throughout Scripture.  How was Moses prepared to lead over a million Israelites out of Egypt?

After killing an Egyptian man to defend an Israelite slave, Moses fled to the desert and worked under his father-in-law, Jethro, tending sheep. Caring for flocks of sheep prepared him to care for God's people.  Long before Moses was born, Joseph was put in charge of a prison before he was put in charge of a nation.  Later, at the end of the Israelites' Babylonian exile, Nehemiah’s role as a cupbearer to the king granted him the favor and the resources needed to pursue his passion of rebuilding Jerusalem’s wall.  Zerubbabel was also a leader after the exile. He was involved in spearheading the reconstruction of Jerusalem’s temple. There was an overwhelming amount of work to be done, and it was easy to be discouraged.  But God spoke through the prophet Zechariah: “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand” (Zechariah 4:10a).

Friends, the work God desires to do in us has to start somewhere!  We’ve all had days and seasons of life where we have wondered, How could this be preparing me for anything?

But it always does.  God uses ALL things clueless sheep, prison walls and even hungry college students to equip us, prepare us and launch us into His will for our lives. Sometimes that means humble beginnings build our character for future roles God has in store; it also means knowing we never have to be “promoted” to serve God. After all, Jesus spent His time on earth as a humble carpenter and traveling minister, “for even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve” (Mark 10:45, NLT).

Even if it looks small right now, let’s be faithful where we are and submit our desires to God. I believe we will be amazed at the mighty work God can do in and through us!

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You’re Never Too Much for God
December 19, 2022
by Jodi Harris

“Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these … will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?” Matthew 6:28b-30 (NKJV)

I’m so angry! I cry out to God. My chest tightens as I clutch the couch pillow.  Anger is the outside armor protecting my tender heart from the rejection I feel beneath. I want to be closer to my loved one, but fear tells me I’m just too much for them.  My lament to God continues: It’s like I’m this rose, but they see me as a cactus. So they give me the attention a cactus requires: not much. But a rose needs more. It needs shade and sun in the right amounts; it has thorns that need navigating, soil that needs nutrients and water, dead branches that need pruning.  In other words, I realize midprayer, roses are high maintenance, and so am I. Sigh. I can see that. It is a lot.  I am a lot.  As I sit in silence, listening for the Holy Spirit, I envision Him as the One who loves me just as I am. Oh, Lord, help me release my loved one from fulfilling a role that isn’t theirs but Yours.  God brings to mind an image of my yard full of blooming roses bursting with color, planted by previous owners years ago. They’ve never bloomed like this since we’ve lived here until this spring. I was so taken by them the pinks, yellows, whites, lavenders, peaches and reds in various shapes and sizes.  God, why this?

I wonder. Then I feel Him speak these words tenderly to my heart:  My beloved daughter, look at those roses I have nurtured and brought to full bloom! See how I care for them exactly as they need to flourish. If I can create and nurture a gorgeous garden of roses for you to enjoy, I can nurture you just the same.  Your longing to be valued as you are is only fulfilled in Me. You are never too much for Me! I created you and will nurture you perfectly so you will flourish, but you have to come to Me. You cannot put that burden or role on anyone else. I’m the only One who knows you fully and can meet your needs. Will you let Me?

This gentle voice of God sounds a lot like the one that taught the people on a hillside long ago:  “Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these … will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?” (Matthew 6:28-30).

Those words from Jesus in Scripture jump off the page and into my heart and life as I experience them firsthand. I am not too much for God. I am deeply valued and loved just as I am.  In the days following, I wander through my yard, soaking in God’s constant reminder that He not only cares for the roses surrounding my home but also the rose inside.

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Lift Our Eyes
December 20, 2022
by Sarah Freymuth

"I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1-2 (ESV)

Dusk is coming, but instead of letting it slide through the windows of my apartment, I am drawn to seek more of the sun. I’m tired physically, mentally and emotionally but I don my down jacket and scarf, slip out the door and put my feet to pavement.  It’s an unusually warm day for this time of year in Wisconsin, so I take advantage of the fleeting good weather and head to a tiny park that consists of one small but steep hill.  It’s been a long season full of unanswered questions, loads of waiting and a plethora of uncertainties. There have been times I’ve prayed and pleaded with God only to get no answer, and I’ve felt alone and unheard.  But this week, Psalm 121 has been ringing in my mind. I’ve been drawn to it, read it many times, and remembered God as Helper and Keeper.  My boots transition from the pavement to patches of grass and snow as I enter the park. All the while, I repeat portions of the psalm to myself, breath crisp and clear:  “I lift my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth” (Psalm 121:1-2).

The sun’s lowering behind clouds, but there’s enough color left to know there’s a sunset coming. I begin my climb up the hill, which is already slick with packed-down snow and a layer of ice. After slipping in my boots, which are designed more for comfort than functionality, I cling to the snowy fence posts and haul myself slowly to the top, where I watch the sky churn raspberry, blazing orange and soft red as the sun breaks through the clouds.  Rays of orange light spike through the charcoal and purple clouds into the still-bright blue sky. Worship music in my earbuds, I stand with hands outstretched, knowing I’m meeting with the God to whom my eyes have lifted. I watch and worship the God who’s spinning colors effortlessly.  My situation doesn’t change or immediately clear up, but as I stand and worship, simply being in His presence helps remind me that He is over all things, that He is the maker of heaven and earth.  “The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.” (Psalm 121:7-8, ESV)

We may be weary from things that don’t seem to change health struggles, strained relationships, job challenges, loneliness from a need for community but we can lift our eyes to the Lord, who will not allow us to stumble. He who provides beauty in a sorbet sunset atop a small hill surely sees us, His children. He invites us to rest in His unchanging grace, soak in His strength, and be still and know He is with us.  When we pause and take in the magnitude of His glory, we get to remember how faithful He has been to us in the past and trust He is taking care of us today.  When we lift our eyes to the hills and set our hopes higher than our eyesight, the Lord comes into view.  He is above our challenges and pain, yet He personally resides within us, drawing us close, whispering to our hurting hearts. Let’s lift our eyes to the hills of hope and look to where our help comes from: God, who makes a way and holds us steady.

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An Unexpected Way To Set Your Life on the Path of Godly Wisdom This Year
January 5, 2023
by Lysa TerKeurst

“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 13:20 (NIV)

I’m not great at setting New Year’s resolutions.  However, I do like to examine my everyday habits as I enter a new year. Taking inventory of my daily rhythms can give small indications of whether I’m pointing my life toward order or chaos, health or unhealth, wisdom or foolishness. I’ve learned it’s more realistic for me to tackle adjusting my small decisions rather than listing out some big, major changes I want to make in the new year.  Better small decisions lead to better habits. Better habits lead to positive changes. Daily positive changes over time lead to life change overall.  Here’s how this has played out for me on a practical level just a few days into 2023: I've noticed that I have a bad habit of putting dirty dishes in the sink and thinking, I’ll get to this later. The problem is the longer they sit there, they never get better on their own. And they don't magically end up in the dishwasher. Honestly, they just get grosser and grosser. By the time I finally face them, it is a much more awful task than if I’d just done the dishes right away. So I’m trying to start with the dishes and teach myself the habit of tackling things right away, as they come, rather than putting them off and making them harder in the long run.  I think sometimes I hope life will fall naturally in order. But unfortunately, most of the time, that’s not the case.  This is true inside our homes, and this is also true inside our relationships. If we want more peaceful relationships, we have to pivot from accepting chaos to pursuing peace. We can’t wait for other people to bring order into our lives. We have to initiate decisions that lead to peace. And I’ve discovered a big part of this comes through establishing boundaries where dysfunction is present.  Now, I’m not saying boundaries are a quick fix for some of our most challenging relationships. People are complicated. We ourselves are complicated. So, of course, relational dynamics are going to be complicated. But I’ve found the communication and consistency that good boundaries provide bring such clarity around what to do when we’re navigating damaging dysfunctions.  Dysfunction doesn’t come from God, nor did He create the human heart for unhealthy relationships. However, I do believe God can help us with these realities. If we want to have real, loving, thriving relationships and know what to look for to determine what is unhealthy and what is healthy, we need God’s wisdom.  Let’s turn to Proverbs 13:20:  “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”

A relationship can only be as healthy as the people in the relationship. Like that verse tells us, living in the company of people who have set their lives on the path of wisdom will lead to us experiencing wisdom ourselves. So we need to be looking for patterns in someone’s life that are moving them (and us) toward wisdom or away from wisdom.  As we pay attention to others’ choices, we have to remember to also examine ourselves, both our actions and our reactions. In order to rightly look at someone else, we must first rightly look at ourselves.  After careful examination, if we are trying to move toward wisdom and another person is moving toward foolishness with their choices, therein lies the need for a boundary. Even after this discovery, boundaries are going to be challenging to implement. But at least we know what to do even if it’s still hard. The worst part of dysfunction in relationships is the feeling of hopelessness and powerlessness that too many of us have been swirling in for years.  Over the last year, I’ve established some healthy boundaries and, as a result, had some really important relationships transform and become healthier and more life-giving. I’m amazed and thankful. There’s a freedom to enjoy these people in my life now without the hesitations and pitfalls that used to create so much chaos and pain. I’ve also had to say goodbye to some unbiblical and destructive relationships. I still grieve those losses in deep ways. And I can now see why it’s so crucial to use godly wisdom to process all of this, remembering we shouldn’t use our boundaries as excuses to shove other people away but rather use them to keep us in a place where we love others well without losing the best of who we are.  None of this is easy. But it is worth it. I’m more convinced than ever that good boundaries work, and when set appropriately, boundaries really do serve to help keep us safe and healthy and in a place where we can honor God in all of our relationships.  This is possible for you, friend. Let’s make 2023 the year of better relationships, one wise choice at a time.

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Let Silence Be the Source of Your Renewed Prayer Life
January 6, 2023
by Denise J. Hughes

“In the same way the Spirit also helps us in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with inexpressible groanings.” Romans 8:26 (CSB)

The doctor entered between the flimsy curtains in the emergency room. He said the CT scan showed multiple pulmonary embolisms in both of my lungs, which explained my difficulty breathing.  As my impaired lungs struggled for every breath, I lay in that hospital bed, unable to say much of anything, much less pray anything. God, please help was the best I could muster.  In that place, God taught me about the power of silence in my prayer life.  My words were more desperate than eloquent, pleas from the depth of my being. Sometimes that’s all we have to give. Thankfully, that’s enough for God.  Have you ever experienced a season when you just couldn’t utter more than a few words in prayer?

When you weren’t even sure what to pray for?

Maybe the physical pain was overwhelming. Or maybe your heart was suffering more than your body. All you knew was that you needed help. And only God in heaven could understand the depth of your pain.  I’ve been there too. It’s never fun, but God has consistently shown Himself faithful. Every time.  Our small prayers, offered with a sincere heart, can be the equivalent of the widow’s two coins given sacrificially to the temple treasury when “many rich people were putting in large sums” (Mark 12:41, CSB).

That’s what I experienced when my clotted lungs struggled to squeeze out audible words. Even if I tried to pray quietly inside my heart, the pain proved too distracting. My groanings were more exact. Which is why I’m so grateful that God understands even this and that He provides for us in those moments when we don’t know what to say or maybe can’t say anything at all.  In our key verse, Paul says “the Spirit also helps us in our weakness.” This could mean physical weakness, but it could also imply spiritual weakness. When we’re distraught beyond words and we don’t know how to pray, the “Spirit himself intercedes for us with inexpressible groanings” (Romans 8:26).

What a gift this is to God’s people.  Whether we consider ourselves to be mighty prayer warriors or we admittedly sometimes struggle with it, prayer remains a central part of every believer’s life. It’s a fundamental way we express our dependence on God. When we go to Him daily, we acknowledge that we cannot supply anything for ourselves. We look to God for everything we need, including every breath we take.  This idea of daily dependence on God counters everything we hear in the world, yet it’s an elemental part of cultivating a quiet heart in a loud and restless world.  While the “quiet life” Paul talks about in 1 Thessalonians 4:11 (CSB) speaks more to a person’s inner quietness of heart, it’s also wise to experience actual quiet from time to time.  Whenever we’re not sure how to pray, we can lean into the silence and let the Spirit do His healing work inside us.  To experience deep quiet, take inventory of the sounds around you. Then turn off as many sounds as possible. For some of us, we may be so unaccustomed to actual silence that we find it eerie or unsettling at first, but don’t let this sway you.  I can’t promise that your prayers will lead to spiritual fireworks, at least not instantaneously. For me, my lungs were not immediately healed, but slowly, over time, God was faithful to meet me in those quiet hours that filled each day. And in His time, He restored my breath.  Let the power of silence be the source of a renewed prayer life. For when we are still, God often does His best work.

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Divine Fingerprints Everywhere
January 9, 2023
by Shauna Niequist

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.” Psalm 139:7-12 (NIV)

Last fall, our younger son, William, started middle school, and that meant I needed to walk him to school and from school every day, about a 30-minute walk each way.  It’s a good thing, really it’s great one-on-one time, and it’s good exercise.  But for the first month, getting used to it was embarrassingly hard after more than two years of William walking with friends to his school just one block over, this new schedule felt like a lot I was always late and dressed wrong for the weather, and my legs were mortifyingly sore, as though I were training for a marathon, not just walking to the West Village.  Something shifted, though, about six weeks into this new routine: I found that I’d started to look forward to it. My legs weren’t constantly tired anymore, and the part of the walk I did alone after dropping him off or on the way to meet him in the afternoons started to become one of my favorite times of the day.   I started what I call “delight hunting,” being on the lookout for beautiful, interesting or funny things: an ivy-covered building; the sun glinting off the Hudson River; a dog in a backpack, his front paw slung over his owner’s shoulder in such a human way that I still giggle when I think about it. I found a little secret garden near the school and sometimes left home early to sit there in the quiet. The walk became a source of delight, and I began to see God’s divine fingerprints everywhere. The psalmist of Psalm 139 seems to have felt the same way: “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you” (Psalm 139:7-12).

We see what we’re looking for. You know the phenomenon: You buy a Jeep Wrangler, and all of a sudden it seems like every third car on the road is a Wrangler. When you get a puppy, everywhere you go, there are puppies! Were there always this many puppies?

The opposite is true, too, of course. When you wonder if a friend is mad at you, every text from that friend supports your sneaking suspicion. After a series of delayed or canceled flights, when you look at the “arrivals and departures” board, all you see are the delays.  We see what we’re looking for, and what I’m looking for these days is delight. Beauty. Evidence of God’s sacred presence all around us and within us, in the face of every person on the sidewalk, in the intricacy of the flowers in that secret garden, in the sky as the sun rises and sets everything ablaze.  Theologian Eugene Peterson has said that “to eyes that see, every bush is a burning bush.”

That’s how I want to live: a witness to the glory of God all around us. Even especially on the school-pickup walk, on plain old streets and sidewalks, in the daily moments of life.