Hey

[Ally]

Hey.
I'm Ally and I was first diagnosed with depression about 5 years ago by filling out a questionnaire (does anyone else think it is a bit weird that a handful of questions on a sheet of A4 can determine your mental state?)
Rather than try to get to the root of the problem, the doc's gave me anti-depressants, the first batch never made any difference, so I went back and was given stronger meds and I've been on them ever since.

I moved from Scotland to England just over a year ago and I was doing fine, so I gradually came off the meds, but something changed in me, I have no idea what, but started to feel depressed again, so I went to the doc and was prescribed more meds and refered to counseling.

TBH, I never expected the counseling to make any difference to my state of mind and chemical imbalance (I prefer to say chemical imbalance as I don't like the word depression) but I was surprised just now much I did and I would recommend it for anyone in the same state of mind.
Again, I gradually came off the meds as I was feeling loads better about myself.

Unfortunately, last weekend, after being out for a few drinks (nothing excessive) with my partner, something happened and I don't remember what.
I had extreme mood swings and was determined that nobody wanted/loved me and that everyone would be better off without me.
Somehow I managed to get in my car after climbing a 6ft wall and back it out of the drive. I really don't remember what happened, but I ended up back in the street and I had to leave the car at the end of the road because I couldn't drive it any further. My partner actually came running out after me and she took the keys from me (thankfully this was all in the early hours of the morning)

But that whole incident scared me so much that I had to go back to the doc with my better half as she had to tell the doc what happened.

So after a long conversation, another questionnaire and prescription for more meds, it appears that I had a "severe depressional episode". Since then, I have been wondering if I may be bi-polar or have some form of schizophrenia. Both of those things scare the crap out of me!

I really feel for my partner. She is really strong to put up with me when I am like this, but I am scared that it/I will eventually drive her away. I have tried to talk to her about how I feel, but I don't know how to put it into words.

Wow... sorry about the blurb... I never ment to say so much.
I suppose that these forums give a certain amount of anonymity that really does let me open up.

[Zaf]

Hi Ally

It is very common to be diagnosed after filling in the forms,  Ive had to do it several times now so it must be a standard procedure in some, if not all, surgeries.

Everyone here is wonderfully supportive and you can let it all out if you want to or keep things to yourself if you prefer,  Ive found this place a godsend and hope you will find it as useful :)

Z xx

[Ally]

Thanks for that.
I don't know how much I will share, maybe it will be like the counselling and I'll get loads out of talking with other poeple in the same position as me..... then again, maybe not.

Time will tell and I'll stick with it (hopefully)

[weenancy]

 .>,

[danbob]

them forms........ always seem to ask general questions but not the ones you really want to answer...


welcome aboard :) 

[Got]

Hi Ally,

I also had a 'severe depressive episode' a few months back. It scared the hell out of me, because I wasn't just depressed or unhappy...I went totally bonkers and was acting very oddly. Like you I have had depression for a while, but I never knew quite how nuts is could send you. It cost me my relationship, and nearly my career.

I am new on this forum, but I have already found it very useful. I hope you feel better, soon, take care if yourself.

Steve

[Ally]

Thanks everyone.

Steve, sorry to hear that your episode almost wiped you out. I feel that I am very lucky to have my other half as she has been so strong and understanding in my darkest times.
I hope I never get that bad again.

[Lol]

Welcome to the forum Ally. I am glad to hear that you have sought help for your chemical imbalance and are tackling it from both angles - medication and counselling. You mentioned AD's weren't going to get to the root of the problem, but in a way they do.. as you have correctly said; it is a chemical imbalance, so just as antibiotics counteract a bacterial infection, so antidepressants correct depression. If there happens to be something in your life that is causing your depression then your counselling will hopefully help immensely with this. I have counselling and I find it VERY revealing!!! But, also depression can simply 'happen'. Either way, there is help out there and you have engaged with it, well done. i hope you find this forum useful also.

[weenancy]

hi ally

how r u today?

janet xx

[Ally]

Hi Janet.
I'm getting by.
Don't feel like being very sociable at the moment tho....and that doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you 
It's just that sometimes I feel like being on my own. In the real world anyway. Usually when I feel like this I am fine with talking to people online (forums, MSN, etc).

Not a good time to feel like this given my mate and is 2 kids are comming to stay for the weekend.

I'll try to cheer up, or atleast act like I have and just go through the motions. I've had plenty of practice as I am not good with sharing my feelings at the best of times!

How are you doing anyway?

A.
xx

[weenancy]

hi ally

i know exactly how you feel.  this is why i luv this place, you can vent and noone take offence they just listen. i tend to keep it allin there and hide it to but even in the short time i have been here has helped.  its the 1st thing i do in the morning.

 i feel good today might even manage to IRON!!!!  i really didnt feel like company last nite but my sister in law popped in and boy can she talk,  you just have to nod and laugh now and again and you know what after she left i realised that i was totally relaxed.  my mind wasnt racing, bellie wasnt churning and a felt quite content went to bed had a good nites sleep to.

hopefully you have a good weekend, kids sometimes have that effect.  my neice stayed over last weekend and she is only 12 and we had fun.  went ice skating for the 1st time in years was doing a bit of torville n dean!!!  sliding on the ice on my stomach haha.

janet xx

[Ally]

Hey Janet.
I've not been ice skating in years..... it;s always a good laugh. Don't have anyone to go with these days tho bummer

With my mate and the kids comming for the weekend, I'm sure I'll forget about all my problems, atleast for the weekend.
I'm taking my mate and his kids (3 y/o twins) to one of the local pottery places where they can paint some of the pottery things and make christmas baubles for their tree.

I'm playing the good uncle as my mate's soon-to-be-ex-wife is causing loads of problems for him.
 - the split is not down to him, but her as she went out and actively pursued an affair

So hopefully this will help him relax and the kids have a good time while all the other stuff is going on round them

A.
xx

[weenancy]

hi ally

a lot of pressure for him to, its a shame when theres kids around.  hope you have a good time.  i,ve always wanted to try the pottery thing to.

janet xx

[Ezel]

Ally  .>,

Just a thought show your partner your posts here and she is welcome to join as well for support.

Pip