Hey, just needed to know i'm not alone

[Amanda]

Hey, just a little about me and why i'm not doing so good right now. Have suffered from depression since my youngest started school 3 1/2 years ago, he was my social life and kids hide so many cracks in a relationship dont they? Now my boys are at school i can see how pointless my life has become, a controlling husband who doesnt approve of my friends, doesnt trust me or like me going out anywhere, i have never given him any reason not to trust me, and a job i loved so much in a childrens home, i was made redundant a month ago. People look at me and my life and think i am doing so well and have 'landed on my feet' it doesnt feel this way, it feels lonely and pointless and i'm tired of feeling this way, i'm tired of crying at night when everyone is asleep and feeling like nobody can ever understand what is in my head and i dont know how to feel better.

[Munchroom]

Hi Amanda and welcome  :)

You are definitely not alone in this. Have you seen a doctor or spoken to anyone about how you are feeling?

As horrible as I am sure it feels right now, your life is not worthless.

Take care x

[seamie]

hello amanda. your definitely not alone in the way you feel and i think everybody questions there life at somestage,but when we are depressed things we once thought were valid suddenly become pointless. perhaps making an appointment with your gp would be a good step. take care chuck

[Amanda]

I have a couple of really great friends who have been very tolerant but i worry i bore them and they will lose interest so i try not to winge on too much. My GP put me on Citalopram for a while which didnt help a great deal really and to be honest he made me feel stupid like i was wasting his time.

[Munchroom]

If you are feeling this way then you are not wasting anyones time. Most anti-depressants take a while to work, but as far as I can tell, Citalopram is kind of the 'starting drug' that many people (including myself) get prescribed initially and from my own experiences and from what I've heard from others it tends to actually not do a lot! Your doctor is there to help so please go back to him and explain that you feel this medication hasn't worked for you - I tried four different anti-depressants before I found the ones that seem to work (fingers crossed!) so it is definetly worth keeping an open mind on them.

Feel free to msg me if you want to chat, nay x

[Amanda]

Thanks for the advice, i think i do need to see the GP again.
Im tired of waking up feeling this way day after day, its like groundhog day and it scares me a lot, scared of how much i dont want to carry on like this and scared of myself and what i want to do for these feelings to go away.
Then i think of my boys and im not brave enough.
Overall its not fun, nothing is fun anymore.

[Munchroom]

 &*( Amanda please believe me when I say I know only too well how you are feeling. For most of last year I felt suicidal and like if this was how my life was going to be then there was no-point in carrying on. I would have happily done anything to end the constant questions that my mind was throwing up and just to have a break from thinking about everything so much. It is possibly the worst feeling anyone can go through and this is quite hard for me to write because I know when I was where you are now, it was very hard to hear anything positive and to believe that I wouldn't always feel like everything was worthless and too much to bear.

Please believe me though that it will get better and when you are on some anti-depressants that work, all of this will make you stronger in the long run. Just please hang on in there. I went as far as knowing what to write and to who - but the thought of my what my parents and boyfriend would go through kept me from doing anything silly. You say its the thought of your sons and that then you realise you are not 'brave' enough - it's ultimately not a question of being brave enough to end your life. You are brave because you are seeking help and you will get through this.

xx